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Thread: OLD & LDR - help me!

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Why are you choosing the most difficult form of dating there is? He could've certainly created a profile resembling yours according to your interests and ethics. When I did OLD, I limited it to guys living no more than 45 minutes away and I eventually met my future husband after several years and many, many dates. If I'd dated the way you're doing it, I'd probably be 90 by the time I found "the one" and spent tens of thousands of dollars.

    Here's a great article I found:___Lisa Copeland, “The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!” Find out more at Findaqualityman.com

    Action plan for protecting yourself from a scammer. Thousands of intelligent women get caught up in these scams every year. To keep your journey of dating safe, here’s what you can do….

    _ Date men closer to home.

    _ Keep emails short and sweet. Maximum of five to 10 at the most.

    _ Spend no more than a couple of hours on one or two phone calls max. Meet a man within two to three weeks.If a man tells you he’ll be out of the country for a month or two, tell him to give you a call when he gets back.

    Upload his profile picture to Google Images. You’ll be able to see if the image matches who he says he is or if he’s stolen it from someone else.It’s hard enough to attract a quality man without having to worry about scammers online.Today more than ever, you want to post the type of profile at an online dating site that gets you the right attention online from the right men.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates

    I know that their have been people a plane flight away that I have reached out to on a whim, because they were intriguing, not expecting anything to come of it (here’s looking at you Norwigian guy!) and that’s kind of what I thought with this situation.
    ^And that's actually fine! In my opinion.

    If you are having fun and enjoy chatting, terrific, just lower your expecations about ever meeting or anything else, or better yet don't have any, at least until he's back in the states and it's feasible to actually meet and date, somewhat regularly.

    I would not, BTDT, guy broke my heart, not his fault since I chose to continue "interacting" with him so I blame no one but myself for that.

    There are hundreds of similar such stories as well.

    Please be smart and try to not get caught up in the fantasy, which is what this is at this point.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-15-2019 at 10:56 PM.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    *Were all those shared similarities in your profile?*

    Some of the initial things certainly, but anything I have delved deeper on he would have no way of knowing which kind of answer I would be “looking for” so to speak.

    It’s not a “You like Coldplay, oh my gosh I like Coldplay too” kind of thing. (Meanwhile, Coldplay listed under favorite band section).

    *And that is why you think he contacted you? *

    I think his background is a huge part of why, he was raised in the States 3-17 and now lives elsewhere. I would guess he feels more American than his actual home country. He hasn’t said so but I don’t think his current home feels like “home”.

    I appreciate your critical thinking, it’s an important skill for sure. Neither of us can know for certain.

    I’m certainly not looking to be a PR girl.
    Oh gosh, no -- he doesn't live in the United States anymore and is looking for women in the States? I thought by plane ride he lived in NYC and you lived in Chicago. That would be a hard and fast no.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    BTDT, guy broke my heart, not his fault since I chose to continue "interacting" with him so I blame no one but myself for that.
    This is one of my main concerns. I don't want to be left feeling like I shot myself in the foot. I agree, it is easy to get attached! It isn't as if I don't know any better. I can't say that any of the 'warnings' people have given are new. Reverse googling his photos was one of the first things I did. He's on linked-in, he seems to check out...
    I don't think there is anything malice at play if anything it would be closer to what you described earlier. Someone who purposefully reaches out father so that they can have the trappings of a relationship digitally, without everything that would come with it locally. The safety behind the screen sort of thing. I can see that being true of this guy more than any of the other stuff.

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  6. #25
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    Abitbroken: " I thought by plane ride he lived in NYC and you lived in Chicago. That would be a hard and fast no."

    Haha, thanks.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    Someone who purposefully reaches out father so that they can have the trappings of a relationship digitally, without everything that would come with it locally. The safety behind the screen sort of thing. I can see that being true of this guy more than any of the other stuff.
    Are you not (cough, cough) describing yourself here?

  8. #27
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    I can see why you might say that Bluecastle.

    Not in the area of motivation. If there was someone locally that I was interested in and it was mutual, I would obviously choose the local option. My shift into even being willing to entertain this kind of relationship is a new development. I don't see anyone around me that I am remotely interested in at this point. I wish that weren't the case.

    I'm far more about knowing people intellectually and listening to their stories, I value emotional closeness over cuddling etc. so the idea of a distance doesn't bother me in the way it might others. Obviously, I would not intend for that to be a 'forever' thing but in the intermediate, it would be alright with me. I also, imagine making recipes together over a webcam, or watching a movie at the same time. But maybe I'm a total loon, as I can't even get a phone call, let alone the rest of it!

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is he married/living with someone?
    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    He contacted me via a dating site, we then traded emails through the site and then jumped to a messaging app.

    We had aimed to set up a phone conversation. It happened to fall on his work trip

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Is he married/living with someone?
    I honestly don’t believe so, nothing would indicate that.

    How sure would I be? 99.5% regarding that specifically.

    He’d more likely fall in the computery/geeky/gamer category than the player one (not that they have to be mutually exclusive— but some how often are)

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    Bluecastle, we are a fair distance apart, a plane flight. I would want to know him really well before the next step.

    Thanks Melancholy, I like your sober thoughts on this.
    Why not going for local men instead who you can meet in person and get to know each other in person?

    Or if you want to keep on talking to him don't over invest nor expect anything without having a handful of in person time together.

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