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Thread: How men invest in potential partners versus friends

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by cctnk
    Thank you for this. I, too, have encountered this more than once.

    And my best friend often tells me that I need to be more clear. So I have considered this. And wonder just how blunt I have to be.

    Thank you for your thoughts and experience.
    It's not about being blunt. It is about being direct -two different things. No need to give directness the negative connotation of blunt. I would limit it to ten words or less -no back story, no apologies "What are your intentions towards me" or "what am I to you" if he feels there is romantic potential he will jump at the chance to tell you that he wants to be with you. When my future husband/then ex wanted to know he said "what do you think about us getting back together?" or he may have even said "do you want to get back together." I stammered -I was surprised and nervous! And I chose him over fear, over the risk that this second chance would be a failure. With the stammering and the fear my response was delayed by about 20 seconds. "Yes!". And yes I added some sort of "what if sentence but that quickly faded out of my head because when you want to be with someone that takes priority over any fears/jitters.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    It's not about being blunt. It is about being direct -two different things. No need to give directness the negative connotation of blunt. I would limit it to ten words or less -no back story, no apologies "What are your intentions towards me" or "what am I to you" if he feels there is romantic potential he will jump at the chance to tell you that he wants to be with you. When my future husband/then ex wanted to know he said "what do you think about us getting back together?" or he may have even said "do you want to get back together." I stammered -I was surprised and nervous! And I chose him over fear, over the risk that this second chance would be a failure. With the stammering and the fear my response was delayed by about 20 seconds. "Yes!". And yes I added some sort of "what if sentence but that quickly faded out of my head because when you want to be with someone that takes priority over any fears/jitters.
    Appreciate your comments. Yes, I guess direct is a better word. I do tend to gravitate towards making statements that seem obvious to me, but shielding them with just enough safety that I could play them off if it went badly.

  3. #23
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    I would let him know how great he is with your kids, how much you appreciate him etc. I would ask him to do activities or more activities together, have him over for dinner. You get the idea. No commitment but a trial run. He is already spending alot of time with you guys. Encourage it more. See where it goes...good luck!

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    After you dated last time and broke up, you remained friends so you didn't lose the friendship. Since you have already dated, it seems he's happy just being friends. If you want more just say so.
    Originally Posted by cctnk
    I had to say it first last time.
    I think my own fear of losing what we do have holds me back from attempting to move forward myself.

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