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Thread: Confusion

  1. #1
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    May 2019
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    Confusion

    So, first of all, hiii guys, hope you're doing well.
    Here i go again, i already posted something about my boyfriend and my ex and some mixed up story (only concerning my feelings no drama), and well it turned out my 9 months relationship was kind of getting heavy.
    I'll make it simple and quick, my boyfriend was carring, gentle and sweet, he always considered me and we always found a way through our fights; but a few weeks ago i really don't know what happened, since we're not meeting but only talking through social network, he kind of makes me feel as if he's tired, doesn't wanna talk, or isn't in the mood, at first our relationship became heavy but i was still okay with it, i talked to him and he said it was nothing.
    But recently, he would litteraly ignore my messages, i didn't think that we were this weak and would become like this just because we're not seeing each other. And 2 days ago, he finally talked, he started with a "we need to talk" and said that he was actually feeling depressed these days for no reason and wanted to be left alone, he said that he didn't want to tell me this because he didn't want me to worry or overthink things, or think that it was my fault in any possible way, but it's turned out it wasn't the best option and he made a mistake.
    He said he was tired but that he still cared about me, i asked about what he wanted, after comforting him and telling him that i love him, anyway he said he was confused and didn't know what he wanted in the state he was in, he asked me if i was happy and i answered that recently i wasn't (we always promised each other to be honest no matter what), so he said that i deserved to be happy without adding anything.
    Not wanting to interpret any of his answers, i told him that if he needs some time and space, then he should rest untill he feels better, get some peace of mind, and get a clear answer of what he wanted, i told him that i'm supporting him and that i'll wait for him no matter how much it would take, and i'll be waiting for his answer of "what he wants".
    Yesterday was our anniversary, i didn't want to disturb him (and wasn't waiting for him to say anything), but i made a story with a "happy 14" only so he could see it and know that i'm thinking about him, he was online most of the time and didn't even bother checking it which made me feel bad.
    Anyway, i want to ask about how you see this "depression thing" and my reaction to it, is waiting really a good solution, or should i have talked more about it?... do i have to wait untill he initiates the talk first or do i wait a few days and talk (in case he doesn't show up)!
    Really, i'm confused and don't know how to react, particulary for what he wants, it felt as if he didn't answer in fear of making a mistake which gave me hope, but it also made me realise that he wasn't sure and had doubts about our relationship and could come up at any moment telling that he wants to break up or something like that.
    Please give me some advices of what to do, and tell me how you see all this mess.
    Thanks a lot for your help and answers ♡

  2. #2
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    Just to clarify this part here: "we're not meeting but only talking through social network" is this an online-only romance? Have you ever met one another in-person? If so, how often do you meet in-person? This information will help in giving you my best advice.

  3. #3
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    No no it's not an online dating, we used to see each other very frequently, it was almost everyday, not for long, early in the morning or at lunch, and rarely on week-ends, now we happen to see each other once a week or once in 15 days.

  4. #4
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    Is there any reason why you have been seeing each other so infrequently? And for such short periods of time?

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  6. #5
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    There's no apparent reason, he doesn't get out a lot lately, only when necessary, so we don't happen to meet as usual, i'm a little busier too but sometimes he's the one ignoring opportunities to meet and says that he can't or has things to do.
    Ps: we don't go to each other houses so...

  7. #6
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    May 2019
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    Okay, here are my thoughts on your situation: it's clear that the two of you are drifting apart in this relationship. In order for a relationship to remain strong, it's important to make time for one another. The more time spent apart and the less priority placed on your relationship, the weaker your relationship becomes. Yes, everyone gets busy, but if a relationship is really important to you, you make time for it. If a person can't be bothered to make time for their relationship and if other things in their life take priority (i.e. chores, studying, relaxing, etc) then the relationship isn't really all that important to the person.

    If your boyfriend has completely checked out of the relationship and no longer cares (seeing as how he blew off your anniversary, I'm assuming this is the case) then there is little point in holding onto him. Your relationship is a slowly sinking ship. My best advice is to just go ahead and end things now as I do not foresee the two of you lasting. A relationship requires two people to put their effort into it, not just one.


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