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Thread: My boyfriend says Iím not spending enough time with him

  1. #1

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    My boyfriend says Iím not spending enough time with him

    So I started dating my boyfriend about 1 month ago. This isnít the first time heís said that we donít spend enough time together. It comes up a lot. We hang out around 1 or 2 times on the weekend for like a whole day and 1 time during the week. We both go to a boarding school which give a lot of homework so I dedicate most of my time to hw. I generally like to spend my free time watching tv. I try to make time for him but it never seems to be enough. I also spend time with my friends more because they were my bffs before I got a boyfriend and I donít wanna abandon them for him. He also refuses to become friends with my friends so I canít spend time with them all at once. How should I proceed in this relationship? How can I spend more time with him and just what should I do?
    - please help!

  2. #2
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    He sounds clingy and you're being realistic. You should communicate that you have other important things going on in your life that you value and that he should he should understand that. One month is too soon for him to be like this, and you do see him enough.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I take it you're in high school, when things tend to move fast and a month feels significant. Still, you hardly know anyone after a month, you're still easing into things, so for someone to be pressing you about more timeówell, bad sign. He's less secure than you, less mature, so odds are you'll kind of have to level backwards to give him what he needs.

    What I'd say is be clear about what you needóthat you'd like him to spend time with your friends, that you need your "you" time to chill and watch TV, and that with school and home work it's hard for you to imagine spending more than half the week together. If he can listen, great. If that doesn't work for him it means y'all don't workósad, yes, but not as sad as bending into a shape that's inauthentic for the sake of a relationship that's hardly been a relationship.

  4. #4

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    Thanks! How often would u recommend I see him? I asked him about it and he said he doesnít know what he wants. Iím not sure how to procede here. I feel like I take out a lot of time to see him and I just donít know who to do if he doesnít know what he wants.
    - plz help!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Honestly, it sounds like you're already kind of resenting him and feeling a level of pressure that doesn't line up with a new relationship. This is the time when things are just supposed to be fun and easy, not when you're having "talks" and working through "issues." If it's this hard this earlyónot a great sign.

    So, again, I'd think about it from the standpoint of what you want, what works for you. If weekends and a weekday is all you have time for that means you want to date and be with someone for whom that works. That, along with laughing and good chemistry and all that, is how you know you're compatible.

  7. #6

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    Thanks so much bluecastle!!!

  8. #7
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    Don't worry and no pressure, it's always like this at the start then with some time that passes you will settle down.
    Just try to make him realise how you're managing your time so he notices that you're giving him an important part of it, because the problem remains in the fact that he's only counting it and not considering it relatively with your schedule.
    Also, try not to forget your friends (saying it from experience), you should spend some proper time with them too.
    And good luck, don't be too alarmed about this, it's gonna be okay!

  9. #8

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    Thanks so much riri!

  10. #9

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    To everyone who replied: thanks so much! Iíve never been in a relationship before so itís hard for me to know what to do. Youíve all be so helpful to me! I feel much more comforted now and not so adrift! Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply and help me out!
    - plz help ahahha

  11. #10
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    Dump him.

    The fact that he does not want to meet your friends is concerning. He sounds like he wants to isolate and control you. Your focus should be your work. Do not ever sacrifice friends for a guy.

    Does he have any friends?

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