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Thread: What should I even feel like?

  1. #21
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    Serious question, do you honestly believe that it is acceptable for anyone to insult you and curse at you?

    It is simply not acceptable, irrespective of his other qualities. As a mature adult you don't behave that way. Most importantly, you aren't trash. Love embodies kindness and respect. Why shouldn't you be treated with love?


    Originally Posted by ALuckyLilDuc
    I also think that I am chained to a real jerk.
    - He starts shouting at me if I meet/speak to my father (after they had an argument which ended up with us being kicked out of dad's house)
    - He insults and curses at me (sometimes in public) when he decides that something is irrational (like tossing an item into a grocery basket while upset)
    Last edited by greendots; 05-15-2019 at 04:02 PM.

  2. #22
    I've been toying with the idea of leaving for a while. Ive told people that I think that I want to break it off with him, but I need to get up the courage to talk to people to move in with... and to have the chat with him which I'm dreading.

    I just didn't want to have left thinking that I'm playing the part of some spoiled princess that didn't get treated like royalty so she ran off to find some fairy tale prince. This is probably on me, and absolutely stems from my childhood.

    The psychologist that I saw about the situation as a child happened to by my oldest sister's therapist too. He actually told me to apologise to her for being born at our first (and last) visit. This was before I met the guy I'm with now. I haven't been back to therapy, but I have avoided my oldest sister which helped, but I guess I'm still super damaged goods from the feedback here.


    For those asking, I didn't make a prioritized list of pros and cons, so how he looks isn't actually a prime factor of sticking with this mess. Agreeing on the future plans rank well above epic dad bods and well quaffed hair. I had just glanced at him and wrtten it down when I was making the list. Sorry if that was misleading.

  3. #23
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    Everything you listed on the Cons list is bad. One thing stuck out to me and thatís you canít feel comfortable being yourself.

    If you have to hide who you are to avoid conflict then that person doesnít deserve all you have to offer!

    You need someone you can be yourself good and bad around.



    This guy is a real jerk and the bad certainly outweighs the little bit of good you posted.

  4. #24
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    You need to be treated like a Queen and to find a guy whose like a Prince. Not saying your Cinderella but Somebody who treats you with Respect and you feel emotionally safe around.

  5.  

  6. #25
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    I think you had a bad doctor. You should look into one that is specific to your problems

  7. #26
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    I asked earlier but what would you advise your sister or daughter (if you had one)?

    Whatever you would advise them, especially your daughter, do same for yourself.

    I get this is familiar to you but you need to break this toxic cycle of emotional abuse otherwise it will carry over to any children you have with this person (can't even bring myself to call him a man).

    Your son, witnessing how his dad treats his mom (you), will become an abuser himself and your daughter will gravitate towards abusive men like her father (your husband should you marry him).

    If you don't want to get out for you, get out for any potential kids you might have with him.

  8. #27
    Katrina1980, I don't want to perpetuate any pattern. I'd have much rather had it be me merely being a baby than what it apparently is. At least that way I could control the situation.

    We don't have kids, and on his bad days I do think of how I would never want kids with him. I think I would have probably offered her a place to stay to get out the first time I heard he had raised his voice at her for something small like forgetting to turn off the AC.

    It didn't start like this, it's just progressively gotten worse then better then even worse. I can't really say when I first thought it may be something more than him having a bad day, but it was around a year ago. I wsh he would get counselling.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by ALuckyLilDuc
    The psychologist that I saw about the situation as a child happened to by my oldest sister's therapist too. He actually told me to apologise to her for being born at our first (and last) visit. This was before I met the guy I'm with now. I haven't been back to therapy, but I have avoided my oldest sister which helped, but I guess I'm still super damaged goods from the feedback here.
    You are not damaged goods. Please start believing it, because it's true! Sure, you are a work in progress. But so are we all. In addition to this, don't be discouraged from seeking therapy due to one incompetent professional.

    Also, make a mental note: you are brave for confiding to a bunch of strangers some really personal stuff and trusting them to guide you.

    Head high and keep going!

  10. #29
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    You being a baby?

    I invite you to read your own con list again.

    Screams at you, insults you, curses at you, guilt trips you, dictates what you can/cannot do, etc etc -- pls explain how your not wanting to be treated this way is you being a baby?

    Or ever thinking you were being a baby?

    This is NOT acceptable behavior, period. It's abusive. All of it.

    My goodness, I am literally at a loss for words here.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by ALuckyLilDuc
    Katrina1980, I'd have much rather had it be me merely being a baby than what it apparently is. At least that way I could control the situation.
    This is pretty text book that you elect to become the sponge of everything wrong in your relationship. You try to make it more about you and something fundamentally wrong with you. Because, after all you are the only thing you have control over. He isn't going to change. But as you continue to try and turn yourself into a pretzel hoping it will somehow change the dynamic you end up tearing yourself down.

    The cycle perpetuates. You take the blame and it breaks your spirit - it makes you more susceptible to his negative influence and before you know it you are so drilled down you don't know which way is up.

    You wish he would get counselling? My guess is he'd say there isn't anything wrong with him.

    My suggestion, you get back into counseling. It doesn't mean you are messed up. Getting counseling is a sign of strength. You need to be willing to be vulnerable, transparent and to learn some things about yourself. That's pretty brave stuff.

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