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Thread: What does this mean ?

  1. #1

    What does this mean ?

    Ok so me and my ex of 2 years ended our relationship on good terms. He’s the one who brought it up and at first I didn’t want to accept it but for my own sake, I did.
    The reason behind the break up was that “he is young he wants to still see what’s out there and he wants to work on himself”
    Which I believed bc he was never a cheater.


    Till maybe three weeks before we ended things , I found out he gave a girl his number and when I confronted him about it he just said that it was nothing that she was just a high school friend.
    It was kinda of fishy but I just chose to believe him

    So the curiosity got the best of me, I managed to get into his Facebook because I had access to all his passwords to his social media accounts before.

    And turns out he started talking to the girl a couple days after we broke up. And their conversation is just sexual. She’s the one initiating it by sending provocative pictures. And if he doesn’t reply within hours she messages him anything or with those kind of pictures.

    So I messaged him about it to ask him about her but of course I played it off so he wouldn’t think I had his account password. And he screenshot their conversation where he makes it clear to her that he wants nothing serious with her . He told me that she means nothing to him , that it’s something he doesn’t seriously wants.


    So my question is , do you think he actually feels for her ? Or is it just something new and fun for him to be entertained since he was in a two year relationship?


    Idk if I’m just making up an excuse just so I don’t hurt myself. But I want honesty from non biased ppl

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eagerlove1

    So my question is , do you think he actually feels for her ? Or is it just something new and fun for him to be entertained since he was in a two year relationship?


    Idk if I’m just making up an excuse just so I don’t hurt myself. But I want honesty from non biased ppl
    Can't read his mind, but it is believed that those who choose to leave a relationship have been considering it for a long time. It's rarely an impulsive decision and one that's been thoroughly thought through.

    Whether the contact with the girl is the a symptom or the cause doesn't really change the outcome, so the answer shouldn't make any difference.

    What will make a difference in how much you choose to suffer is whether or not you keep your eyes on your paper and work on healing and taking care of yourself.

    Digging up dirt, afterthefact only serves to hurt you. It doesn't prove anything and no matter what, he still chose to leave.
    Be kind to yourself. Especially now. Stop snooping.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eagerlove1
    The reason behind the break up was that “he is young he wants to still see what’s out there and he wants to work on himself”

    I think that that's exactly what he's doing...

    Your behavior is very unhealthy and you will only hurt yourself further if you continue. You are refusing to let go, and it's understandable, break ups hurt. You need to focus on your actions not his, surround yourself with your friends and do positive activities, hobbies, etc. It will take time, but you can get over this past relationship and learn from it

  4. #4
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    What does it matter now? He's a done deal.

    It was a blessing in disguise that he initiated the break up with you. He's obviously not the type of man who will respect and honor you so it's just as well that he's no more. Keep in mind, what he did to you, he will do to the next woman in due time. You should say in your mind, "good riddance!"

    Stop being curious about him. Move on and be with a high quality man in the future.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Will just echo what's already been said. When someone decides to end a long term relationship, it's usually not a decision made lightly. They have been thinking about it for a long time and usually starting to check out of the relationship for months before the actual break up. It's only seemingly abrupt to the dumpee because you weren't privy to all those thought and considerations leading up to the break up. He didn't leave you for anyone else, he left you because he wanted to leave this relationship. As for flirting with someone else......again, he's been mentally and emotionally checking out for awhile, so it's common to rebound/move on quickly for the dumper.

    I think he was very very brutally honest with you about the fact that he isn't ready to settle down, that he wants to explore what's out there, work on himself, etc. He is actually acting consistently with what he told you to a T. This isn't about you so much as wrong time in life. Best that you move on and stop snooping. You really are just hurting yourself more when you should focus on healing and moving on. When you get fixated on him or want to snoop, call a friend, go out and do something, go for a jog, volunteer for something, clean out your closet. Pretty much do anything to distract yourself from those thoughts. The more you do that, the faster you'll start feeling better and be ready to date again yourself. Don't get stuck.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Let him go. It's not fair to him or yourself hanging on like this. I agree with Afireblue that it's unhealthy and will hurt you more in the end. He doesn't want to be with you. The only reason why I'm repeating it is because sometimes we need to hear it and see it far more than is logical because the mind sometimes cannot accept what is happening in real time. That's what emotions do to us and it's normal. That's what pain and hurt and sadness is after a break up and it's why break ups are never easy no matter how many times you go through it. You'll just have to keep repeating that it's over and it's time to move on.

    Continuing to enter his accounts or find out personal information about him is not the way to go because you are not encouraging your mind to adapt to the current reality. The relationship is over. Let him go. Surround yourself with more positive influences that uplift you and find places and people where you feel safe and loved and supported. Engage in better interests and appreciate your life and everything else in it.

  8. 05-14-2019, 06:59 PM

  9. #7
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    I'll echo everything already said, and add this... I believe the right thing to do is to let him know you have access to his accounts, so that he may change his passwords. This is not only fair to him and his right to privacy, but will eliminate any ability for you to do it again should you be tempted, and resultantly speed your healing.

    I am sorry to hear about your situation. Hang tough. It gets better!

  10. #8
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    After two years it is probably just a rebound type of thing.

    It will be better for you to focus on yourself and how you move forward, rather than dwelling on this.

  11. #9
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    I mean obviously I cannot read his mind but I feel like it means nothing to him. I mean, there really is not a reason for him to lie at this point right? You guys already broke up so why would he lie? Again I have no idea, but thats what it seems like to me. What I have found from snooping is it only produces bad things, and things get misread. We are all guilty of it, and the only thing that can really come from it is bad thoughts. I would attempt to stay away from it. I am such a hypocrite saying that because I do the same exact thing, but I am trying not to because it really only brings bad things.But ya I dont think she means much to him.


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