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Thread: Advice needed for potential relationship with marriage in mind.

  1. #71
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I agree about woman number 2. That set up is more for you than it is her. You'd be essentially ruining her life so you could have a wife.

    She is still young, much younger than you. She is smart, has a great opportunity to do well in China. You'd be exploiting her for the sake of a wife and who knows if she'd even like you.

    My guess would be, no. I'm sorry but you're too old for her.

  2. #72
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I agree about woman number 2. That set up is more for you than it is her. You'd be essentially ruining her life so you could have a wife.

    She is still young, much younger than you. She is smart, has a great opportunity to do well in China. You'd be exploiting her for the sake of a wife and who knows if she'd even like you.

    My guess would be, no. I'm sorry but you're too old for her.
    Shes 32 so she and her family are worried too. We were setup by same mutual friend (mutual friend's son helped her dad a lot when he came to US) when she happened to be in US visiting parents. We met couple of times and i felt there was chemistry and she did too. BUT, realistically no decision can be made from 2 meetings and i agree with her. Her father feels she would be restarting her career if she comes to US but her mom wants her to be in US. Her parents got green cards so i think she has no issue with obtaining a visa. So basically the decision is all on her and her parents are hands off.

    I am not banking on her coming here then marry at all BUT i am still keeping in touch with her to build some relationship so that if she happens to come here permanently and we already have a good relationship established then we can try further. So for sure her coming here wont be because of me but because of her family being here and she thinks family > career. I won't be part of the decision as of now. What I am banking on is continue communication, get to know eachother better. When she comes here in a couple of months I will try to see her again (without monopolizing too much of her family time) and see if we can have better connection. Then I can go to china and visit her if she wants to and see where it goes. I think that's the only thing i can do without pressuring her or anything.


    But in terms of age i thought many here thinks someone 38 can still be with late 20s? If not then my point about marrying soon is valid then?

  3. #73
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    Originally Posted by lioil
    Shes 32 so she and her family are worried too. We were setup by same mutual friend (mutual friend's son helped her dad a lot when he came to US) when she happened to be in US visiting parents. We met couple of times and i felt there was chemistry and she did too. BUT, realistically no decision can be made from 2 meetings and i agree with her. Her father feels she would be restarting her career if she comes to US but her mom wants her to be in US. Her parents got green cards so i think she has no issue with obtaining a visa. So basically the decision is all on her and her parents are hands off.

    I am not banking on her coming here then marry at all BUT i am still keeping in touch with her to build some relationship so that if she happens to come here permanently and we already have a good relationship established then we can try further. So for sure her coming here wont be because of me but because of her family being here and she thinks family > career. I won't be part of the decision as of now. What I am banking on is continue communication, get to know eachother better. When she comes here in a couple of months I will try to see her again (without monopolizing too much of her family time) and see if we can have better connection. Then I can go to china and visit her if she wants to and see where it goes. I think that's the only thing i can do without pressuring her or anything.


    But in terms of age i thought many here thinks someone 38 can still be with late 20s? If not then my point about marrying soon is valid then?
    Relationship no longer guarantees a VISA unless someone is a minor and part of the parents' household (13 year old yes, 23 year old, no). Yes, she would probably have no impediments to getting a visitor VISA to visit them because her reason for visiting is totally legit, but she would have to come on her own merit at 32. I think the ball is in her court and if she decided she wanted to marry you, she has to decide if having a husband is more important than what she is doing in China.

  4. #74
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    How did I get the impression then that she was early 20's? Anyhow, no matter.

    Still comes down to the same thing, you're playing a guessing game here and have to rely on immigration if they will approve all of it or not.

    You and she could potentially be spending thousands and all for nothing if it's not approved. But if it's a gamble you're willing to risk, then that's up to you.

    It really is a shame though that you couldn't find a nice Chinese lady right in the US.

    And yes, agree with abitbroken, she'd really have to like you a lot to walk away from her family and job etc in China, so that too is a gamble.

    I still don't know why it's so important that these ladies be directly from China. There has got to be many available Chinese woman in the US but again, that's your decision.

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  6. #75
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    How did I get the impression then that she was early 20's? Anyhow, no matter.

    Still comes down to the same thing, you're playing a guessing game here and have to rely on immigration if they will approve all of it or not.

    You and she could potentially be spending thousands and all for nothing if it's not approved. But if it's a gamble you're willing to risk, then that's up to you.

    It really is a shame though that you couldn't find a nice Chinese lady right in the US.

    And yes, agree with abitbroken, she'd really have to like you a lot to walk away from her family and job etc in China, so that too is a gamble.

    I still don't know why it's so important that these ladies be directly from China. There has got to be many available Chinese woman in the US but again, that's your decision.

    No worries about age. I think she is rational enough to recognize her decision to come to US is Education/Family not "marry some guy" and i get it. I am just trying to raise my chances by continue the communication channel and if she comes try to connect further and see how it goes. If she decides to continue her career then its all good.

    In terms of US, i am in communication with couple recently but just messages/phone for now. One (30) is very shy and she's 4 hrs away - I offered to visit for memorial weekend but she said she wants to chat for now. The other one (35) is ~7 hrs away and we just got connected via a dating app. I mean its like solving any problem - go for easiest solutions first if available but it is better to have a more difficult solution to solve a problem than not at all.


    As for Visa issues, should i do more research on it or like #1 said meet first then worry later? I feel more time could be wasted if we are at that point then finds out things wont work out due to visa.

  7. #76
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    So update. I think ended up not following through with her.
    There is another girl who is coming from China for vacation - we chatted before and due to schedule couldnt meet but now she's making a trip here with her mom. Her sister lives around here too and I will be a tour guide of sorts in the weekend. I emphasized with the matchmaker that there's no promises and if i do find someone before then (august) i will just be a tourguide. If we do connect maybe see where it goes.

  8. #77
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    Originally Posted by lioil
    So update. I think ended up not following through with her.
    There is another girl who is coming from China for vacation - we chatted before and due to schedule couldnt meet but now she's making a trip here with her mom. Her sister lives around here too and I will be a tour guide of sorts in the weekend. I emphasized with the matchmaker that there's no promises and if i do find someone before then (august) i will just be a tourguide. If we do connect maybe see where it goes.
    I would chat with someone on the phone, but if they won't agree to meet you for coffee or lunch after week or two of phone calls, then I would drop them. When you say "visit" - you should be clear that you mean to meet for coffee or lunch. Not visit their home. Move on. If they circle back and have decided to meet you the that's great. Also, are you getting to know them or are you leading with "i want a wife?"

    Why are you only considering women who live in China? what about dating a woman who was born in the United States? Or someone who is a naturalized citizen? Those women are already here with no obstacles. Its just a matter if you are a match or not. Or do you like to only consider women in China because they really want to move to America and the only man they are meeting is you. Less chance of rejection?

  9. #78
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The new prospect the matchmaker set up for you may work out better. it's just an introduction so there's no obligation, right?
    Originally Posted by lioil
    There is another girl who is coming from China for vacation. I emphasized with the matchmaker that there's no promises.

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