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Thread: Advice needed for potential relationship with marriage in mind.

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You want to marry this woman, but are not even willing to go to her home country? But, it is okay for her to make the trip. What a gentleman you are.
    Excuse me, please use constructive criticism.

    OP, you don't seem to be against going completely. This would be a good opportunity to meet her relatives and get to know more sides of her. Do you speak her language?

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by lioil
    Its more of a work thing for me to get days off at the right time. It takes me a few months to plan but if they want to see right away then i can't make it.






    I think part of it is communication through calls/chat and see if there's any chemistry when we do meet for a couple of weeks (me there or she here). The plan is for us to visit eachother at least once.



    Yeah she knows some english and says she can pick it up quickly. Her normal job doesnt lead to her speaking english so i expect her to study up before coming here or while here if she wants to have a normal job. The age gap is she's 4 years younger than me, which lends to another thing of wanting to settle down. She's turning 35 end of the year so it is a bit harder to start a family and that's is real pressure in china considering if you are >30 and female and single people think you are "weird". At least in chinese culture having a family is a big thing and a "must have" for many families.

    Funny thing is this mutual friend is a matchmaker lol, i did try dating sites here but mostly misses and the asian pool (i am asian too) is very limited.

    Another thing is there's another girl who is planning to come to US for vacation in July. We had a bit of connection before and we met also through the matchmaker a while back. Originally she planned to come here but due to my work she couldn't and we kinda had falling out. But recently i joked if she comes to US in july (chinese holiday) i could be her tourguide and she is planning to right now. Should I explore that as well? It wouldn't be "cheating" or anything either. Should i ask the girl who is coming for vacation if she wants to see where it goes or at least confirm if she thinks we have a chance?
    Studying is one thing, pronunciation and the use of articles is another. I strongly suggest that she connect with an expat in China who she can practice with- she can help with Chinese, they can help with English

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by yatsue
    Excuse me, please use constructive criticism.

    OP, you don't seem to be against going completely. This would be a good opportunity to meet her relatives and get to know more sides of her. Do you speak her language?
    I can contribute whatever I wish.

    He later explained it was due to work conditions.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by lioil
    Its more of a work thing for me to get days off at the right time. It takes me a few months to plan but if they want to see right away then i can't make it.






    I think part of it is communication through calls/chat and see if there's any chemistry when we do meet for a couple of weeks (me there or she here). The plan is for us to visit eachother at least once.



    Yeah she knows some english and says she can pick it up quickly. Her normal job doesnt lead to her speaking english so i expect her to study up before coming here or while here if she wants to have a normal job. The age gap is she's 4 years younger than me, which lends to another thing of wanting to settle down. She's turning 35 end of the year so it is a bit harder to start a family and that's is real pressure in china considering if you are >30 and female and single people think you are "weird". At least in chinese culture having a family is a big thing and a "must have" for many families.

    Funny thing is this mutual friend is a matchmaker lol, i did try dating sites here but mostly misses and the asian pool (i am asian too) is very limited.

    Another thing is there's another girl who is planning to come to US for vacation in July. We had a bit of connection before and we met also through the matchmaker a while back. Originally she planned to come here but due to my work she couldn't and we kinda had falling out. But recently i joked if she comes to US in july (chinese holiday) i could be her tourguide and she is planning to right now. Should I explore that as well? It wouldn't be "cheating" or anything either. Should i ask the girl who is coming for vacation if she wants to see where it goes or at least confirm if she thinks we have a chance?
    Thank you for the correction

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  6. #15
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    I am curious as to why you are seeking an international bride? There is a very large pool of eligible Chinese women in the U.S.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by lioil
    I think part of it is communication through calls/chat and see if there's any chemistry when we do meet for a couple of weeks (me there or she here). The plan is for us to visit eachother at least once.
    I will simply say... calling/texting and spending a few weeks visiting and doing fun stuff (I assume) = not the same as the pressures, stresses, and decisions of everyday life.

    The chemistry is just the start; the signal that you may share a connection. Only through lots of time, trial, and course correction can you determine if you really are a long-term match, and certainly something you should definitively determine before you scramble your DNA together.

    As I said, definitely meet her. No harm in that. But I'd caution against assuming any long-term future with her without any time to even live close to each other.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I disagree with this arrangement because this Chinese woman is a complete stranger to you.

    Worrying about her adapting to a foreign culture is a major, valid concern and not knowing how to speak a lick of English is a huge disadvantage in the US. Starting a family and not thinking a career is a big deal early on is a huge problem. How will you two financially support a family if a career early on is not a big deal? I don't see the logic here.

    Think about personality and character clashes with someone you do not know.

    It seems like an "arranged marriage" in a way.

    If you really want to proceed with this, establish friendship first and don't even think about a future together. First things first. Get to know her and if it works out, great and if not, you'll know if she is not for you.
    Yeah i think at my age (37) i want to start a family first so being adaptable to new culture is not a major concern. It was few years ago and frankly i didn't want anyone international without great english skills. I do think about financially support but i think with what i am making now it is above median household income so it *should* be ok. In long term if she finds any work that be bonus. Plus my parents are begging for me to start a family so they are there to support if needed lol.

    I understand it is like "arranged marriage" but not exactly. There are no promises but i think there's definitely pressure for every meeting..maybe decisions will be made quicker with the end goal in mind?



    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I am curious as to why you are seeking an international bride? There is a very large pool of eligible Chinese women in the U.S.
    well where i live/work there arent many asian women and nearby not very good either. I am not specifically seeking but my friend just happened to introduce her since she went back to china for vaca and her friend of 20 years asked her to help find someone for her daughter.

  9. #18
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I don't know, am I the only one who finds all of this a little disturbing?

    and they would like me to go to their country and they can host me there to meet me in person. I am a bit hesitant on going there, but I am not against her coming here
    I would say seeing as it is YOU who is ready to settle down and looking for a wife, YOU should be the one who goes to her country to meet her family. I think it's the very least you can do.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I don't know, am I the only one who finds all of this a little disturbing?


    I would say seeing as it is YOU who is ready to settle down and looking for a wife, YOU should be the one who goes to her country to meet her family. I think it's the very least you can do.
    I commented on it, then was told to was not offering constructive advice.

    He has work issues. But, I do believe he should wait until he can get time off so that he can meet with her family.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Have you researched the cost of a K-1 Visa? I've heard it's a minimum of $6,000. Were you also aware that even if you divorce, you will be financially responsible for her for a period of 10 years?

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