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Considering Giving up on Uni


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Hi,

 

I am looking for suggestions and opinions on what to do about uni.

 

  • I am 32, work full time in a field related to my degree and study part time from home
  • My degree is self funded, currently studying my penultimate module which is double credits so twice as much effort as my last module will be
  • My job is ok, pay is low for the field but is plenty to survive on
  • I have opportunity for progression in my career without my degree, just not as much money or with the most sought after employers
  • Getting my degree has always been important to me, it's been a main ambition to me since I was a kid
  • I went to uni as a young adult and had some funding issues which meant I was unable to complete my final year (I was part way through)
  • Being unable to complete uni was highly stressful and devastating

 

If I do not complete my final module at the next opportunity (Feb 2020 start) I will not be able to ever complete my degree unless I start from the beginning

 

Here is my dilemma, I am HATING studying, this module particularly I am finding irrelevant and stressful. I am in a constant battle to motivate myself to work towards this module which is not very relevant to my career but necessary to achieve the degree. I have sacrificed so much to get this close to finish my degree but feel so stressed out by it I don't want to go any further. Every assignment that is due I have panic attacks and crying fits, struggle to motivate myself to do the work and the closer the deadline looms the more depressed and erratic my behaviour becomes. I am 2 weeks from the final hand in deadline for this module and feel so overwhelmed by the work I need to do, even though I know it is all in my head and really not that difficult. I am constantly questioning whether it is worth the stress but feel like I have given up so much to pursue this degree I need to finish it. I know I will be very angry with myself and devastated if I give up, even though I don't need it. The last assignment deadline I did very well on, I worked on it most days from the date of the previous hand in until the deadline and was happy with what I submitted. It wasn't particularly stressful and I though I had cracked how to enjoy (or at least not hate uni). Any advice on what to do? I feel like I am compromising my wellbeing for this goal but if I don't finish this degree I know I will be so disappointed in myself and really regret not completing it.

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I do know or you feel. I'm in a very highly stressful degree myself, and also 32. I failed a very important exam right at the very beginning of my course because I had an allergic reaction half way through and had to leave, which I was struggling with before the exam even started. As a result, it meant that the entire degree was going to be almost impossible to pass just because of the way they grade in the Cambridge system.

 

It was incredibly difficult to keep giving everything I had to the degree when I had very little chance of passing. My supervisor also told me from the beginning that she thinks I have no hope at it, which is very distructive for her to be doing.

 

I also have financial issues where I am self-funded and the degree cost me $63,000 AUD just for 11 months. My previous employer in Japan screwed me over and I had to pay thousands of dollars just before coming to England to start my degree, which left me out of pocket. I also applied for hardship funding, which I was unsuccessful at receiving and now live in worry about where my next meal will come from. And, due to Cambridge policy, I'm not allowed to work during my degree. On top of that, I also unexpectedly lost my mother just 4 months prior to my degree beginning.

 

So, with all of that, I often felt exhausted and stressed and completely overwhelmed by what seemed like the impossible. But, you just have to make up your mind to do it, then find effective coping mechanisms to help you achieve your goal.

 

I would suggest to you to seek out your mental health team at university and keep regular appointments. Start your days with some exercise and a good timetable so you can effectively manage your time. If you don't already have a good diet, then work on that as well. A healthy body also helps a healthy mind and vice versa. Reach out to people and get involved in other non-Uni related things to help balance you out and offer equilibrium back to your life. Set yourself small, achievable goals and aim for those. Don't keep looking at the bulk of what you have to do otherwise it can overwhelm you.

 

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You will be so upset with yourself in the future when you're no longer stressed and haven't got your degree. You'll wonder why you didn't just try that little bit harder. You can do it!!!

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OP, you got good advice from the other posters.

 

I wrote my dissertation and worked at the same time for two months so i understand (kind of) where you are coming from. What I would do in your shoes : I would take 5 days off work before the exams and concentrate 100% on the exams. I wouldn't get involved with any non-related activities and I wouldn't go out with friends until the exams. When you want to take a break, take a 30 minutes walk around the area.

 

This is how I cope, it doesn't mean it will be effective for you, just offering my opinion.

 

PS. You are studying engineering if I remember correctly

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I am so sorry. I worked too (several jobs) to pay my way through studies. This will definitely sound cliche but you've got to pull yourself together and remain positive. You seem like you may be at the height of stress at the moment so this might be very difficult. A lot of about stress management means learning to recognize and target triggers and causes of stress/anxiety in order to be more effective.

 

While I was working and studying, I discovered that by combining my hobbies with the potential to earn extra income, I was not only minimizing stress, I was also building on skills that were transferable to the way I dealt with stress at work and in school. I took a few navigational/survival courses and trained for awhile as a recreational (solo) kayaker and then took some instructor courses and taught in the summers locally at a cove/inlet about one and a half hours' bus ride away from the university campus. The courses focused not only on paddle techniques but they also focused on time management while out in the field/open water, navigational skills (attention to detail and surroundings) and probably taught me a whole lot more about discipline than I'd like to admit because I wasn't as disciplined as I should have been starting out. It gave me a new dimension to my purpose and caused me to question what I would do with my degrees. Time and time again, I questioned what my purpose was and ironically on the water, all the answers were easy. I found my answers while on the water.

 

It's important to have your hobbies and make time for them in addition to studying and working. I noticed that you didn't mention anything about seeing your instructors or developing any relationship or rapport with them. It's a good support network if you're able to speak with your instructors. They will understand more how you think and be able to guide you both directly and indirectly in your assignments. If you are veering off the mark (not what they're looking for or if you're missing the points they're looking for), they will be able to guide you back. You'll need to engage with them in order to score those marks. This is not a lot different from real life and work. You'll often have to seek your superior or the person you're reporting to and establish what that person is looking for in terms of results or work expectations. Again, recognize the triggers for stress and anxiety as soon as possible and target/eliminate them. If it's the fear of poor marks or errors, you'll have to target those weak areas and create different pathways to succeeding. I hope this helps.

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You've got two weeks to go, and then you can put that module behind you for ever.

 

It IS relevant, because it's part of your degree. Quite apart from that, you only know what's relevant in hindsight - this may not be part of your particular area of interest right now, but you never know what will happen in the future. Something may come up in two years, five years, ten years time which calls on knowledge you're dismissing right now. (For example, a school friend of mine failed her 'O' Level German very badly - didn't even get a grade, just 'Unclassified'. She dismissed it, saying that she was never going to need it anyway. Fast forward 12 years... she married an Austrian guy, ended up living in the country and had to start learning German from scratch. To be fair, she DID laugh at the irony of it....)

 

As to how you cope with the next couple of weeks... a plan is needed. As it's just for a couple of weeks, would you be able to get some kind of medication for the anxiety? (I'm prescribed beta blockers as a migraine preventive, for example, but they're great for making anxiety just evaporate!) Other than that, can you break your work down into manageable chunks and deal with one at a time, without letting the stress of not doing the others impinge on your concentration? Can you break it down and make sure you reward yourself with stress-busting activities at sensible intervals? (I get through doing the computations required for my tax return using this method!). Right now, your ability to self-soothe is as important as your ability to study - if not more so - and self-care is needed. The rational part of you acknowledges that the subject matter is not all that difficult, but the emotional part is not at all happy to go along with it. The emotional part is the bit clamouring for attention right now, and you are the one who is best placed to know what works for you.

 

Good luck!

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You are so close. It would be really foolish to give it up.

 

I agree. Do whatever it takes to get through it. Have your pity party daily but time limit it - five or ten minutes - and then make a dance tape (well it was a tape when I was in grad school -a song list on your phone) and dance like a madwoman in your living room to it when you feel a panic attack coming on.

Yes, it is bad for your wellbeing to study your behind off - many of us have been there - yes, I posted index cards in my bathroom with stuff to memorize so that peeing wouldn't take me away from my studies. Yes i panicked, yes, I got hives, stomach aches, insomnia, yes. And yes it was TOTALLY worth it. I finished my grad degree 25 years ago and other than marriage and motherhood it is the best thing I ever did for myself.

 

Don't indulge in the wilting flower stuff -for two weeks you can tough it up, and after that you can take a break and get your wellbeing back. meanwhile to limit the effects on your wellbeing force yourself to drink tons of plain water and no sodas or sugary drinks or alcohol -just for two weeks.

 

Do the 4-7-8 breathing Weil method. Yes, you will regret it horribly if you give up now. You can do this.

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I know exactly how you feel when it comes to hating your modules and the stress. Firstly, WELL DONE for taking all of this on. The fact you have done well with your assignment shows that your doing something right. Honestly if I was in your position I would hire a tutor, (not that you need one) or a study buddy. Just to make the assignments and work a little bit more bearable. When I was at Uni and about to give up in my final year I got a tutor and he became my therapist, friend and teacher. Just keep reminding yourself why your doing this and its only temporary. Then how amazing your going to feel when its all over.

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Get the degree. You'll regret it as you age and still didn't get the degree. How old will you be without the degree? You'll be the same age with or without the degree. Get the degree, enjoy a higher income in the future and prosper.

 

No pain no gain.

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You didn’t come this far to give up now. It may be hard at the moment, but keep your eye on the prize, your degree.

 

And as much of a pain in the ars* it is now, it’s temporary...very temporary. The regret and guilt you would feel by not completing your degree will hurt more than what you’re feeling at the moment.

 

I’ve found myself in pretty stressful work/school situations, and although I had my moments of wanting to bail, I knew I’d regret it in the long run if I did, and was always proud of myself when I stuck through it.

 

You can do this, OP. You’re practically at the finish line!

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Also, just wanted to add that some of my biggest and proudest achievements were following some of the more stressful times in my life. Did I want to bail at times? Absolutely. But I knew I’d regret it. At the same time, I knew that once I got through the stressful times, they would be some of the biggest accomplishments of my life.

 

Life definitely has it’s stressful moments, but it’s these experiences that have helped me build character, strength, and confidence (although it may not feel this way AS I’m experiencing extreme stress and it’s difficult to see the positive when I’m stressed to the max). Easier said than done, I know. Plus, with every new stressful experience, I find I learn something new (I.e. - about myself, life in general, etc.). Sometimes all I can do when going through something like this is to tell myself not to overthink things and to just keep moving (and this is sometimes after getting a pep talk from family & friends, which we all need from time to time).

 

I have a feeling you’re going to reflect back on all of this and be thankful that you kept going (despite how gruelling it was!).

 

You got this!

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It's typical finish line fatigue, and I went through it during the end of both my bachelor's and master's.

 

Don't allow a temper tantrum to rob you of everything for which you've worked so hard.

 

My method was not very orthodox, but it worked for me: I bribed myself into my sessions of study, completing assignments and writing my thesis with a nice icy screwdriver or a rum and coke. It helped me to loosen up and write past the dreaded blank page. Key was to go 'bLAt!' on the pages and type my heart out--then I'd print the thing and leave it for edits the next day while stone sober. But AFTER my final edits I'd go shop for shoes. Or a purse. Or whatever.

 

Nobody else can get us through this finish line but ourselves, and we can choose to make it more difficult by indulging drama about it, or less difficult by skipping the drama and going straight for our own private reward system.

 

Head high, dry the tears, and put your big girl pants on. You'll thank yourself later--and forever more.

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It's typical finish line fatigue, and I went through it during the end of both my bachelor's and master's.

 

Don't allow a temper tantrum to rob you of everything for which you've worked so hard.

 

My method was not very orthodox, but it worked for me: I bribed myself into my sessions of study, completing assignments and writing my thesis with a nice icy screwdriver or a rum and coke. It helped me to loosen up and write past the dreaded blank page. Key was to go 'bLAt!' on the pages and type my heart out--then I'd print the thing and leave it for edits the next day while stone sober. But AFTER my final edits I'd go shop for shoes. Or a purse. Or whatever.

 

Nobody else can get us through this finish line but ourselves, and we can choose to make it more difficult by indulging drama about it, or less difficult by skipping the drama and going straight for our own private reward system.

 

Head high, dry the tears, and put your big girl pants on. You'll thank yourself later--and forever more.

 

LOL on alcohol and yes to the rest!! And please do the dance mix "tape" I mentioned. It's not a screwdriver but it helps.

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LOL on alcohol and yes to the rest!! And please do the dance mix "tape" I mentioned. It's not a screwdriver but it helps.

 

Yep, the idea is to loosen yourself up to nix the underlying fear of failure. That's the paralysis--so decide what you want to do to address that. You can either work yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of, or you can talk yourself into WANTING THE RESULTS of FINISHING your work.

 

This isn't something being imposed on you by someone else, so your temper tantrum is self imposed, self suffered, and self defeating. It's not something that's 'happening TO you,' YOU are the one who's choosing the difficulty.

 

So make a better choice. Instead of telling yourself that you don't want to do this, tell yourself, "I've got this." Or, "I may not be thrilled, but I'm giving it my best shot..." and then you're opting not to blow yourself out of the water with impacts on your whole future just because you have some temporary discomfort and would rather be doing something else at this time.

 

Get clear about the word 'temporary,' and have an adult talk with your child Self. Coax yourself into clarity that you aren't rebelling against anyone else, because nobody else will suffer the consequences of your attitude but you--so change your attitude into one that works in your favor instead of against yourself.

 

This degree will mean more to you because you've overcome this resistance than it otherwise would, but YOU are in control of your own resistance, nobody else. If you won't think and behave in ways that serve you now, you're teaching yourself that you "can't" do stuff you don't like rather than the more accurate word, which is "won't". And you know the difference--you're just pretending not to. So get clear with yourself and tell yourself that you are on your OWN side. Then behave that way, and make yourself proud.

 

Head high, you can do this.

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My husband used to suffer from failure anxiety so bad he would guarantee his failure by not finishing. Maybe it is failure fear?

 

That's exactly the thing. It's better to do your best even to just 'limp by' than to ensure your own failure with resistance to even trying.

 

One trick I'd use is a free Treepad app that allowed me to type up an outline of the material I'm studying. I'd start with just the headings, then I'd read through, highlight or underline some stuff and later, type that into my outline. This helped me organize the material in a way that made sense to me.

 

I was a tech writer, so I'd pretend that I'm preparing a summary document for someone who was unfamiliar with the material. This taught me the material even while I felt like I was creating something with it. My notes helped me study for exams -OR- they gave me key material that I might quote in a paper later.

 

No learning is ever wasted when you use it to learn how to learn.

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That's exactly the thing. It's better to do your best even to just 'limp by' than to ensure your own failure with resistance to even trying.

 

One trick I'd use is a free Treepad app that allowed me to type up an outline of the material I'm studying. I'd start with just the headings, then I'd read through, highlight or underline some stuff and later, type that into my outline. This helped me organize the material in a way that made sense to me.

 

I was a tech writer, so I'd pretend that I'm preparing a summary document for someone who was unfamiliar with the material. This taught me the material even while I felt like I was creating something with it. My notes helped me study for exams -OR- they gave me key material that I might quote in a paper later.

 

No learning is ever wasted when you use it to learn how to learn.

 

I didn't have the benefit of the internet or apps back then BUT I outlined as we were told to do as newbies in that grad program and I always found that writing things out-in longhand -less so with typing - helped me learn, retain and focus/stay centered.

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Thanks for the support everyone. Set myself a timetable of 6hrs study a day until the deadline. I won't meet that but at least I'll probably pass if I attempt it. I've also organised a few activities in between because I have some time booked off. That should help reduce my anxiety. It's so severe sometimes I wonder if I have PTSD. I've always had pretty shoddy mental health but relationships and studies both really cause me some severe trauma to the point I'm barely able to function. It's all in my mind though. There is no real reason to be so upset by it. Two more weeks and I'll only be mildly traumatised until the start of my next module lol

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What is it about school that is upsetting? What in particular? My husband has GAD and had severely disabling anxiety about EVERYTHING. He would pass out when pushed to do almost anything.

 

Now after many years of therapy and the right medication his mental health is very good.

 

I have PTSD and anxiety but my anxiety is more situational.

 

 

Is yours more situational or generalized?

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