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Thread: The best ways to heal after breakup

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    55
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I agree with everything that was previously shared.
    What helped me was reading that - `the only to get over it was to go through it'

    In the past I would have distracted myself the entire time, never sitting still long enough to feel the pain and disappointment.
    As much as it's helpful to have some distractions, I will now set time aside to sit in the middle of it.
    Cry, vent, journal, process all the yucky stuff.

    It's always there waiting for you. You either deal with it or it deals with you, most times unexpectedly.

    Deliberately setting time aside was a little scary, the feelings were sometimes overwhelming when dealing with them head on. But at least for me, it seemed to move things along a little faster and in more thorough, almost cleansing like way.
    I second this as something that helped me. I did this for first time recently and did it again today. Set aside a time to think about happy things and cry then remember the bad. After I finished it was like a flip book of happy memories opened up and I cried until I physically couldn't anymore. When it was over I felt drained and raw at first, but now I know those memories won't be as stark or shocking. They will still hurt, but it won't be that "Oh god I forgot about X that we did!" After that I did another review of the negative. My heart wasn't in it and it wasn't easy, but went over again the things that wouldn't have worked or would have taken a ton of work. And I feel better. Not good. Not whole. Lonely and hurt still. But a little bit less so than earlier.

    Additionally I tried to look at what I did wrong and why. Was it something she did that made me pull back or was that my own thing. And it's been a mixture of both of those. I can work on them, but also add "when someone starts saying that the feel they can't meet needs I began building a shell around myself and withdrawing instead of taking a positive action that might make things better for everyone." Or maybe I see that it was logical and the right reaction I just need to find someone who doesn't do X, Y or Z.
    Last edited by Utterlyhurt; 05-22-2019 at 05:54 PM.

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