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Thread: Love life

  1. #1

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    Love life

    I never asked for help or advice like in a forum, but I have never been lost in my life this much.
    I have a boyfriend, we officially together 4 months, but knew each other for a year. I have been talking to this guy at work and I find him so attractive, kind and our conversations go so well, and if we hangout we have so much fun, like I feel so happy and relaxed with him, and my thoughts are shifting from my boyfriend to that guy.
    Coming back to my boyfriend topic, he is the man of my perfect man description of characteristic traits, he's caring, loving, respectful, kind. But I don't know if I can say I love you cause I judge myself for not being loyal in my mind, my mind is thinking about another person and I feel like a liar and heart breaker. My boyfriend is far from me and probably it is the reason why I got closer to that guy and because I am missing love and affection, he got in my head so quickly. But I cannot stop blaming myself and I don't know what to do. I would break my boyfriend's heart. And I don't know if I should let curiosity and this unknown feeling and desire to get to know the other guy win. Cause if thats the case I can already break up with my boyfriend. Sooner than later. Or I can stop the communication with the guy immediately.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You are not cut out for a LDR

  3. #3
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    It's difficult enough to maintain LDR's when you're both really committed and focused. You don't say how old you are, but it sounds as though you're still quite young; it's natural to want someone to share your life in the way you describe with the guy at work. Four months isn't very far into a relationship, either. It's not as if you're having feelings for someone else after you'd been married for 20 years.

    Does the guy at work share your feelings, do you know, or are you just good friends? If the latter, either your feelings for him will fade or the heartache will become unbearable. Either way, I think you need to end the relationship with your boyfriend because you are tying yourself to someone who can't be there for you, through no fault of his own. Ending it would give both of you the opportunity to find new partners who can be more available.

    Many people can't cope with LDR's; there's no shame in it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd pick one or the other. As you've already found, it's appearing disingenuous continuing on with both of them. Whatever you choose, be at peace with your decision and even if it fails, don't beat yourself up about it. You lived and learned. There is nothing wrong with that. Learn from those lessons, whatever they are.

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  6. #5

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    I am away for 6more months, so we doing long distance relationship, the guy at work has same feelings for me it is completely up to me to decide if I will hurt my boyfriend for something new that I don't even know if it will work. Cause after that 6 months I will go back and then I will be away from that guy.
    When me and my boyfriend start talking, I liked him as friend, he was a good person to talk to, he was always there, I started feeling attached, but didn't feel for kissing, touching, sexual things. After when sex got involved it changed. But before relationship I was unsure about my feelings, but we rushed into it because he introduced me to his family and I felt obligated. With the guy from work, I enjoy our conversations, laughs, things we do, our activities, also I am attracted to him sexually, but would not allow myself to do anything, cause I am aware that I would break my boyfriends heart and the idea of it is stopping me. Because the amount of respect and kindness he showed to me, I could not do that.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It seems you have misgivings from the past (feeling rushed or the memory of being pressured is a negative association). I think you subconsciously recognize this as a negative but you may not have the heart to address it as such due to emotional ties to your boyfriend. Try and put it into context and be a fairer judge of the previous events and any past that is causing you to feel resentment. You are, of course, entitled to feeling however which way you feel. I'd just caution you to go over that old resentment in feeling rushed to meet his family. Ideally, you should have gone over this issue and discussed it with your boyfriend early on if it caused you any upset or resentment. If you do want to give your relationship a chance, I'd encourage better communication with your boyfriend. Otherwise, you're not really learning from your experiences.

    No one wants their partner to hold on out of obligation. Turn the tables over and put yourself in your boyfriend's place. I don't feel you are respecting him either by not being completely honest about your intentions or your conversations with your male coworker. If you aren't able to be completely honest in the relationship no matter which way you turn, do you really have an option in the first place about what you should do?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    When you string people along, you are the one who will get hurt in the long run, not them. People will question your integrity and capacity for honesty, which of course hurts you, your reputation and your self respect.
    Originally Posted by Bla1234
    up to me to decide if I will hurt my boyfriend for something new that I don't even know if it will work. Cause after that 6 months I will go back and then I will be away from that guy.


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