She slept with my friend

What's going on guys

Looking at my previous thread (first ever one) you will see I have been on and off with this particular chick for around a year and half - LTR that reduced to seeing etc because of her going back and from her ex

We have recently started to meet again and F*ck etc go out for dates since around December last year

Long story short, it was my birthday Saturday - bumped into a friend of mine (female) who i hadn't seen for a number of years - she explained she couldn't keep it from me due to our loyalties and that my ex and my very good friend slept together whilst we were together

It was a night where we all went out for drinks and i introduced her to my friends (I fell ill) and went home half way through the night - she got the hump and explained she would be staying with my friends and staying out saying "It's my weekend off I'm not wasting it"

I left - i called the friend in question later on in the evening who said "Don't worry, I will look after her mate you have nothing to worry about with me here"

Day after called me in the morning to say he had put her in a taxi and she went home in the early hours, and that was that.

Turns out that wasn't the case, she went back to his house and f**ked him

I have confronted them both - they lied at first but the truth come out in the end.

Her response: "This wouldn't have happened if you didn't leave me in the pub- you left me high and dry"

"It happened, we instantly regretted it, decided never to speak about it again, not about me having a lot to lose but more so him having a lot to lose so we forgot about it"

"What can you do to me literally? Don't even think about threatening me because you cant do anything, your forgetting how much I know about you"

"Dont do anything stupid im not worth it"

"We were only seeing each other"

I must add this was around 9 months of us dating.

His response: "I cant change it, its happened, she put it on me, i was wasted, you put me on the spot and i couldn't admit to it when you called me, I'm sorry, where do we go from here"

"She didn't stay the night, look I'm gonna forget the details its going to hurt you"

Our mutual friends are disgusted, he lied to them all.

I am infuriated, i have never felt as sick, at the moment I'm struggling to deal with it and I keep having spurts where I feel I need to gain some revenge in some way or another, I have told him I'm going to roll him over when I see him, as for her we work together so I need to be more calculated with that approach

I would never have known.... they have kept a lid on this for so long - the lies, how has she sat there with this on her conscious for so long.

I am grateful for that friend of mine for at least being loyal and upfront with me. I'm so angry

Well your ex sounds awful. Not sure why you want anything to do with her. She tried to blame you being ill for her infidelity? Pathetic. YOur firend is a disgrace too. I wouldnt want to remain friends with him. Is he worth getting a criminal record over? probably not.

I get you feel angry but it's in the past and so is she. I would just keep all contact to absolute minimum as you work together. Remain professional and that is all.

She cheats on and blamed you. Incredible.

She has repeatedly dumped you to only return to her ex. Which you have allowed. UGH.

Wake up. You have been going back and forth, for over a year. She was not the right one.

Stop being so shallow in your dating life. Choose better quality women.

The are both azzholes. You have some really crappy people in your life. Why is that?

They are not worth revenge.

Are you still going to date her?

Sorry mate, but it's high time for you to take responsibility for YOUR choices and the consequences of those choices. You've been chasing after a chic that has never been that into you, never worth your time and effort, on/off type bs. Nobody put a gun to your head to keep on chasing her, to keep clinging on and taking her back. When you get involved in these kinds of games....you are going to get what you are getting - games, cheating, lies, hurt, etc. Call this a lesson learned and start choosing better friends and, more importantly, better women to date and get involved with. No, none of this is warranting any more drama or a jail sentence. Stop being a fool. Literally. Move on. Cut contact with both of them and rethink what choices you are making and why. Take a long time out with yourself.

GF was disloyal ?

Check

Blames you for it?

Check

Your friend screwed your GF?

Check

Time to drop GF and FORMER friend?

Check

Thank you all for your opinions, you are right, each of you are bang on with that

I am hurting right now, she has shown no remorse for her actions, has no concern and does not care, doesnt feel she has done anything wrong.

She didn't even have the decency to apologise, blamed me for it.

I really dont know what to do all, I am in a very dark place, I understand through my choices and by sticking with this woman I am allowing this behaviour but still I didn't deserve this

She doesnt even understand the severity of what she has done

"He had more to lose than me so we decided to forget about it"

The same night i introduced them all, he took her home in a taxi, I feel utterly sick.

She cheats on and blamed you. Incredible.

She has repeatedly dumped you to only return to her ex. Which you have allowed. UGH.

Wake up. You have been going back and forth, for over a year. She was not the right one.

 

Stop being so shallow in your dating life. Choose better quality women.

 

The are both azzholes. You have some really crappy people in your life. Why is that?

 

They are not worth revenge.

 

Are you still going to date her?

No way am I - that's another thing she said "At least this finally ends me and you"

Of course nobody deserves to be cheated on or lied to like that. That's just a given. The emotional roller coaster you are riding right now....also comes with the territory that you didn't ask to be on. What it all boils down to, and what you'll eventually arrive at yourself, is that people like that just aren't worth your time and energy. They are beneath contempt and beneath any kind of acknowledgement.

As for her, she understands, but doesn't care. She is all about herself and whatever she wants at any given moment. Never ever expect a cheater to feel sorry for what they did to you or how they made you feel. They aren't capable of that. The most they can manage is to feel sorry for getting caught...aka sorry for themselves and their personal inconvenience with the situation. Too often, they'll resort to blaming you in the "it's not what they did, it's how you are reacting to it" manner. Meaning that she didn't do anything "that" bad, it's just you having a bad reaction to it. Yes...it's a mindfck you can't possibly wrap your mind around and unravel...nor should you be trying, unless you want to lose your own sanity.

Best approach to all of this is to simply reject these people with extreme prejudice. This guy is not your friend and anyone who associates with him isn't either. A spring cleaning of sorts in terms of who you call friends and who you choose to hang out with. Ditto for this chic. She and others like her aren't dating material. Period. Full stop.

Believe that they suck and that you'll be better off without that kind of poison in your life...and you will be. Truly.

Of course nobody deserves to be cheated on or lied to like that. That's just a given. The emotional roller coaster you are riding right now....also comes with the territory that you didn't ask to be on. What it all boils down to, and what you'll eventually arrive at yourself, is that people like that just aren't worth your time and energy. They are beneath contempt and beneath any kind of acknowledgement.

 

As for her, she understands, but doesn't care. She is all about herself and whatever she wants at any given moment. Never ever expect a cheater to feel sorry for what they did to you or how they made you feel. They aren't capable of that. The most they can manage is to feel sorry for getting caught...aka sorry for themselves and their personal inconvenience with the situation. Too often, they'll resort to blaming you in the "it's not what they did, it's how you are reacting to it" manner. Meaning that she didn't do anything "that" bad, it's just you having a bad reaction to it. Yes...it's a mindfck you can't possibly wrap your mind around and unravel...nor should you be trying, unless you want to lose your own sanity.

 

Best approach to all of this is to simply reject these people with extreme prejudice. This guy is not your friend and anyone who associates with him isn't either. A spring cleaning of sorts in terms of who you call friends and who you choose to hang out with. Ditto for this chic. She and others like her aren't dating material. Period. Full stop.

 

Believe that they suck and that you'll be better off without that kind of poison in your life...and you will be. Truly.

Thank you, I really appreciate that

I will run into her at some point, at the moment I am nervous as to the feelings that will consume me when that happens, do you have any advice on how to behave etc?

I really want to call her everything under the sun- like you said they are not worth my energy

Thank you, I really appreciate that

 

I will run into her at some point, at the moment I am nervous as to the feelings that will consume me when that happens, do you have any advice on how to behave etc?

 

I really want to call her everything under the sun- like you said they are not worth my energy

Well....cheaters are usually attention wh...res..... So if you call her every name in the book, negative attention is still attention and still feeding her ego. The worst thing you can do to a cheater is walk by them like they are an empty space and resist any attempts by them to get your attention. Act like is she irrelevant....and...well...she is. Right? You'll get there, I promise. It won't be instant or easy, but you'll get there. Meanwhile, be good to yourself. Do what you enjoy, make new friends, fill your life with joy and laughter. Focus on people who make you feel good and bring something positive into your life. It helps.

I would look for another job.

Well....cheaters are usually attention wh...res..... So if you call her every name in the book, negative attention is still attention and still feeding her ego. The worst thing you can do to a cheater is walk by them like they are an empty space and resist any attempts by them to get your attention. Act like is she irrelevant....and...well...she is. Right? You'll get there, I promise. It won't be instant or easy, but you'll get there. Meanwhile, be good to yourself. Do what you enjoy, make new friends, fill your life with joy and laughter. Focus on people who make you feel good and bring something positive into your life. It helps.

Thank you so much

I am struggling right now i will be honest.

Thats fine, thats normal, just go with it. Accept it and it fades quick. JUst keep busy and take a breather when you can.

A friend of mine took up kickboxing after she got cheated on. She swears by it. Took out all her anger, negative energy, hate, what have you on it, plus got her fabulously fit too. Just a thought.

A friend of mine took up kickboxing after she got cheated on. She swears by it. Took out all her anger, negative energy, hate, what have you on it, plus got her fabulously fit too. Just a thought.

Love this.

I take out all my negative feelings through physical exhaustion. It works magic, and allows you to be really cool under fire and to not let awful emotions be your guide. And, yeah, being super fit does wonders for the spirit, the deep parts and the shallow ones.

I've been in your shoes, buddy. Nothing to say except that it sucks and that you'll get through it. Don't go screaming at her or beating up your friend—that's the path that will just make you feel worse. The trick is to go cold, ice cold. There's real reward in that, and, believe me, there is no greater way to mess with people than by showing them that you can't really be messed with.