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Thread: How to forgive myself.

  1. #1

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    How to forgive myself.

    So... I'm feeling strange, I don't usually post on forums, seeking advice, but...
    My ex boyfriend broke up with me again 2 weeks ago. The relationship was... well, we have an amazing connection, feelings, but we did fight alot sometimes. Mostly because of me and it resulted in breaking up. After two weeks he texted me, we've met, we had a great time together, so I asked him if he wants to try again. He said "yes", but he was afraid that our past problems will be there again. I was giving my best, but he wasn't sure about us and you know, we didn't last much. We started to argue again, not like before, but I didn't feel good about us, seeing 2-3 time in a month. He lived 25 km away from me. I had a problem with my ancle for 2 weeks and he didn't came once to see me. I bring that up and he always tell me I never understood him right, he hasn't got money and etc. He started to feel smothered and... yes, he wanted to broke up again.
    Today I decided to block him everywhere, not bacuse I have bad feelings towards him, actually I love him very much, but because I want to move on. I don't want to check his social media.
    Of course, before that I tried do talk with him, he said that I was what he wanted, but our arguments ruined everything.
    I don't want us to have bad feelings toward eachother, but I can't keep him on my contacts, because I'll always have hope. He wanted me to move on, so I decided that this is my best choice. It hurts, I want us both to be happy, but I don't want to stalk him and make myself miserable. I feel this is the right decision for me. I wanted to keep contact with him, to have him in my life somehow, but I realised it was killing me.
    My biggest problem is that... i focused too much on my mistakes and can't forgive myself. I forgave him for his mistaked, but I can't forgive myself for mine and it's really driving me crazy.

  2. #2
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    Can you elaborate on your mistakes? It might help us better understand what you went through and what advice to give.

  3. #3

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    For our fights and arguments. They cost our first break up. I can't say he didn't made mistakes, but I'm too focused on mine.
    I'm feeling pretty sad abot blocking him, but I can't do this. I can't have him around, even in social medias, and knowing we are not together and won't be anymore. I did it for myself, but it hurts, because he won't be in my life anymore.

  4. #4
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    But what mistakes did you make?

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Arguments are not necessarily indicative of mistakes. More likely than not, the two of you were simply incompatible in some major way, whether it was your communication style, method of expressing affection, or your goals and visions for the future.

    I am someone who often wishes that love could be enough, because for me it is a very powerful emotion. However, love is a poor measure of how right a person is for us. It's just a prerequisite to developing a meaningful long-term relationship.

    Regardless of the "mistakes" you did or did not make, I think you are absolutely right to remove and block him. The on and off pattern you have going is very draining and toxic, and cutting off your source of hope that this time it will work may be the only way to truly end things for good. Take some time to heal and try to be kind to yourself. Relationships aren't about being perfect all of the time.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Consider that it takes two to argue, so it's not just on you or him. It was both of you. In general, when couples find themselves in constant conflict, on/off type situation - it's simply that they aren't compatible. It doesn't make either one of you a bad person, just not right for each other, thus the chronic conflict. Basically, conflict is your clue that you are in the wrong relationship with the wrong person. When you are in the right relationship with the right person, you'll find that it's just easy to be with each other and disagreements are rare. Literally once in a blue moon.

    When people say that relationships take work, they don't mean that you should be working through constant conflict. They mean that you have to continue to make a positive effort, date each other, appreciate each other, make an effort to do new and fun things together so you don't fall into a boring groove. That's quite different from butting heads. When you butt heads frequently, that's your clue that you aren't right for each other despite what attraction you might feel.

    Parting ways and blocking him is the right thing to do. You both need to heal and move on to different partners. Head high and keep on going and don't look back.

  8. #7

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    Thank you all!
    Actually, when we were together physically we didn't argue or fight. But... trough the entire relationship there were much more times when we saw each other 1-2 times a month... this continues way too much. And I don't think when a couple see each other so little can be compatible.
    It hurts... but I realised I was keeping him in my life for the wrong reasons. I didn't block him because I hate him or because I don't want to have nothing to do with him.
    It hurts so much, because with that I burned even the slightest chance for us, but...

  9. #8
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    “ I had a problem with my ancle for 2 weeks and he didn't came once to see me.”

    Who came to see who during the entire relationship?
    Was it alternated?

    It doesn’t sound like your ankle issue was a big deal as it only lasted 2 weeks? A sprain?
    Were you able to continue normal daily life with it?
    Or were you bed ridden?

    Since you only meet up a couple times a month , why did he need to come see you because of your ankle? In your opinion??


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