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Thread: Girlfriend and I drifted apart, she says she doesnít feel the same way anymore

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Try not to blame yourself or convince yourself that if only you did this or that, the outcome would be different. The reality is that she was checking out long before you even started to notice that things are weird and off between you.

    Sometimes it's simply like that. You don't meet whatever internal vision the person has of a right partner for themselves. It's not something you can control, change, or fix. Your big clue is that she never spoke up about anything and isn't interested in talking at all. She made the decision that is actually independent of you and your actions. Sure, if you press her, she'll need to come up with something to say, but.....all it serves is to leave you feeling worse and blaming yourself when in reality it's not about you. Short of becoming a completely different person from who you are, you aren't going to salvage this relationship.

    It's important to learn to accept that sometimes these kinds of choices aren't in your control and work on letting it go, healing, and moving on. This girl simply wasn't your match. It would be different if she had complained for months of feeling neglected and then finally dumped you because you had disregarded her concerns. Even so, by the time someone reaches that stage, they are pretty much done and finished trying. So wanting to fix things after the person checked out is a lot like bolting the barn door after the horses have left. You can only work on the relationship when the other person is equally invested in making things work and is communicating with you. In this case, you tried, but were shut down both during the relationship and after the break up. Not much to work with and nothing to do but accept that it wasn't meant to be and move on.

  2. #12
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    I feel like you are spot on with that. Since the break up was over text and I havenít been able to get any concrete reason as to when / why things started to get strange.

    Iíve been blaming myself for pulling back and trying not to come across as too strong and wondering if I should have been more attentive instead. She even referenced the day we didnít text each other as when something Ďchangedí but never brought it up. I think she was almost looking for an excuse to end things and that just made the most sense as a reason to do so.

    Thanks for the advice.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Chippy1612
    I feel like you are spot on with that. Since the break up was over text and I havenít been able to get any concrete reason as to when / why things started to get strange.

    Iíve been blaming myself for pulling back and trying not to come across as too strong and wondering if I should have been more attentive instead. She even referenced the day we didnít text each other as when something Ďchangedí but never brought it up. I think she was almost looking for an excuse to end things and that just made the most sense as a reason to do so.

    Thanks for the advice.
    I would agree with Dancing Fool - you're not going to get a "real reason."

    My perspective is that most people don't think relationships are work, and don't know how to communicate well when the relationship starts to get routine, or have problems. So they stay for a while, without attempting to fix them, while their attraction dwindles, and finally one day, they check out. And then another few days or weeks pass before they get the courage to leave. And by that point, they are SURE they want to be gone, which leaves the other person clueless.

    You probably did take her for granted. We all make that mistake...and it's all something we can learn from. Don't blame yourself though - it sounds like she didn't do much to stay interested either.

    I would stay no contact 100% of the time, and work hard on improving yourself...and maybe she'll see it one day on FB or hear it from a friend. Give her time to miss you. Let her know that YOU are moving on too. It's easy to leave when you think you can come back anytime.

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