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My Sister Took Back Invitation to Her Wedding- Should I Be Upset?


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My sister and I have been close for most of our lives. We've almost always been there for each other through the good and tough times.

 

My sister, who lives in CO, recently got back together with a guy she was broken up with for the last 4 months and now they are getting married. She originally said she was going to have a small wedding and invited me and my parents to be a part of the special occasion. Now, all of a sudden, she has changed her mind and sent an email to us saying she wants a private ceremony with just herself and the groom and later will have a small reception with family who is local....but not including us or family who live out of state (mainly in CA). She claims her reasons are because they feeling too stressed to deal with people attending their wedding and coordinating the logistics for what that would entail.

 

I feel a bit hurt and confused that my sister would change her mind to invite us to her wedding ceremony (also this is her 2nd wedding). Should I confront my sister with my feelings or just accept my sister's wishes?

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Ultimately, it is her decision.

 

If her and the bf want to have a private ceremony, then that is fine, what would hurt me, is not being invited to the reception. I do not understand her thinking when it comes to only inviting folks from the CO area. That is hurtful.

 

You should share your feelings...

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Did any of you guys talk smack about him in the 4 months that they were broken up? The messenger generally gets shot even when it's well-intended. To me, I don't believe her surface reason as to the why. This sounds like a deliberate exclusion of your family. I would be annoyed and on the lookout for the sister to withdraw in other ways in case the guy is controlling.

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Honestly, it seems fair.

 

Weddings can be extremely stressful and if her relationship was already rocky, I imagine they want the least amount of stress right now.

 

It's nothing personal to you at all. In fact, you'd be making her feel a whole lot better if you supported her and tried to understand instead of making it about you and laying a guilt trip.

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I respect her choice but they do have a bit of a strange history. They were in a relationship for a year and a half and then all of a sudden broke up in Jan for 4 months. Then in April, he appeared out of no where and wanted my sister back, even though my sister was with someone new. She immediately broke up with her new bf and took back her old bf, whom she is now going to marry.

 

I ddi express my concern for the quick marriage but I also expressed my support.

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Are you happy for her to marry this guy?

 

I respect her choice but they do have a bit of a strange history. They were in a relationship for a year and a half and then all of a sudden broke up in Jan for 4 months. Then in April, he appeared out of no where and wanted my sister back, even though my sister was with someone new. She immediately broke up with her new bf and took back her old bf, whom she is now going to marry.

 

I ddi express my concern for the quick marriage but I also expressed my support.

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It's your sisters mistake to make, even if it does seem odd, it is totally up to her.

 

Try to concentrate on having a nice dinner with them once they are married and you can welcome him then into the family.

 

But from what you described, she sounds nervous about it all and perhaps would rather keep it low key in case it doesn't work out.

 

Again, not the best choices by the sounds of it, but it is up to her. It definitely isn't personal to you though.

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No, don't confront your sister with your feelings. Accept your sister's wishes and respect her decision.

 

Give her lots of time and space. She has her reasons despite your not understanding them. It's her life and her way.

 

The next time you get together in person, just be kind and let it go. No sense stirring up drama and trouble. Be the bigger person, take the higher road and show respect no matter what. Keep the peace at all costs.

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Tell her that you're worried about this fast decision to get married. Look at her reaction, if she's really upset, don't say anything else about the wedding or boyfriend, hug her and say that everything is ok and you are here for her.

I know that sisters can be complicated, so you have to do this smart or not do at all.

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She did not "take your invite back" - they chose to elope just the two of them. The wedding didn't carry on as usual with all your family -- minus you, so don't make it about you.

 

Honestly, at this point, they are getting married and you should support your sister. The time for weighing in and dissuading her have passed. That way she will confide in you if something goes south vs being the told you so sister.

 

They could have broken up because she wanted to get married and he didn't and he came back and proposed to her because he realized he wanted her forever. You just don't know. I think its too fast, but i don't have a say

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I think you need to set aside your personal feelings and consider that your sister could be involved in an abusive relationship with a control freak. If they were simply eloping, that's one thing. However, the hurried marriage after a break up, the fact that his side are invited, but her side is completely cut off...smells something rotten.

 

Please don't confront your sister, but rather be warm to her and tell her that you are there for her and support her no matter what, when, or what time of day and night, no questions asked, and leave it at that. Do try to keep a discreet eye on her life as much as you can....just don't let her or her hubby get wind of that. It takes a long time for abuse victims to come out of the fog and when they do, they often find themselves completely alone, having alienated their family and friends. You need to stay super neutral and supportive in a way that she believes she can turn to you for help without getting judged and without any "I told you so's".

 

Sorry if I sound harsh or like jumping to the worst conclusions. A personal case of been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Except it wasn't a sister but a close friend of mine. Your story is disturbingly similar. Sudden cut off of friends and family for no apparent reason and some plausible sounding excuses....but not really realistic if you are honest. Like, all she needs to do is let fam and friends know when her wedding is. People will decide and make arrangements for themselves to travel to it or not. Nobody is asking her to pay for anything....sooo...it's a flimsy excuse for alienating her family and I seriously doubt the idea stems from her. Anyway, something to consider and beware of. I hope I'm wrong, but.....do keep that in back of your mind until/unless you confirm otherwise with certainty.

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I think you need to set aside your personal feelings and consider that your sister could be involved in an abusive relationship with a control freak. If they were simply eloping, that's one thing. However, the hurried marriage after a break up, the fact that his side are invited, but her side is completely cut off...smells something rotten.

 

I agree with this.

It may not be all bad, but bad enough that they feel it best to not have the distraction of those overly concerned or in judgment of their decision.

 

If you want a relationship with your sister, you support her in such a way that she feels safe enough to confide in you if she needs to.

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I think you need to set aside your personal feelings and consider that your sister could be involved in an abusive relationship with a control freak. If they were simply eloping, that's one thing. However, the hurried marriage after a break up, the fact that his side are invited, but her side is completely cut off...smells something rotten.

 

Please don't confront your sister, but rather be warm to her and tell her that you are there for her and support her no matter what, when, or what time of day and night, no questions asked, and leave it at that. Do try to keep a discreet eye on her life as much as you can....just don't let her or her hubby get wind of that. It takes a long time for abuse victims to come out of the fog and when they do, they often find themselves completely alone, having alienated their family and friends. You need to stay super neutral and supportive in a way that she believes she can turn to you for help without getting judged and without any "I told you so's".

 

Sorry if I sound harsh or like jumping to the worst conclusions. A personal case of been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Except it wasn't a sister but a close friend of mine. Your story is disturbingly similar. Sudden cut off of friends and family for no apparent reason and some plausible sounding excuses....but not really realistic if you are honest. Like, all she needs to do is let fam and friends know when her wedding is. People will decide and make arrangements for themselves to travel to it or not. Nobody is asking her to pay for anything....sooo...it's a flimsy excuse for alienating her family and I seriously doubt the idea stems from her. Anyway, something to consider and beware of. I hope I'm wrong, but.....do keep that in back of your mind until/unless you confirm otherwise with certainty.

 

Maybe i misread but

Now, all of a sudden, she has changed her mind and sent an email to us saying she wants a private ceremony with just herself and the groom

It sounds like his family is not invited either.

 

Also, how old is she? if she is older, its not ucommon to meet someone and have a faster timeline for getting married

 

Its not enough info to tell if he is abusive and isolating or he isn't -- she is pregnant, she is just too swept up in her love for this guy, etc, and is getting ahead of herself - or she does know he is the right one -- we don't know.

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Maybe i misread but

Now, all of a sudden, she has changed her mind and sent an email to us saying she wants a private ceremony with just herself and the groom

It sounds like his family is not invited either.

 

Also, how old is she? if she is older, its not ucommon to meet someone and have a faster timeline for getting married

 

Its not enough info to tell if he is abusive and isolating or he isn't -- she is pregnant, she is just too swept up in her love for this guy, etc, and is getting ahead of herself - or she does know he is the right one -- we don't know.

 

The full story is: an email to us saying she wants a private ceremony with just herself and the groom and later will have a small reception with family who is local....but not including us or family who live out of state (mainly in CA).

 

So sorry, but it doesn't sound like two people eloping or whatever. Like I said, I hope that I'm wrong and I'm definitely a bit triggered by the been there done that, seen this kind of a situation. It didn't have a plausible explanation or a fairy tale ending. OP better keep a discrete eye on her sister is all I can say and then cross my fingers and hope that I'm complete off base here.

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