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Thread: My Sister Took Back Invitation to Her Wedding- Should I Be Upset?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Take it in stride. For whatever reason she changed all her plans, and that's fine. You can visit her anytime you want and perhaps when the stress/wedding/family issues thing has calmed down.
    Originally Posted by girltalkCA
    I ddi express my concern for the quick marriage

  2. #12
    Member EclipseCross's Avatar
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    Tell her that you're worried about this fast decision to get married. Look at her reaction, if she's really upset, don't say anything else about the wedding or boyfriend, hug her and say that everything is ok and you are here for her.
    I know that sisters can be complicated, so you have to do this smart or not do at all.

  3. #13
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    She probably got knocked up and having a quickie wedding!

  4. #14
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    She did not "take your invite back" - they chose to elope just the two of them. The wedding didn't carry on as usual with all your family -- minus you, so don't make it about you.

    Honestly, at this point, they are getting married and you should support your sister. The time for weighing in and dissuading her have passed. That way she will confide in you if something goes south vs being the told you so sister.

    They could have broken up because she wanted to get married and he didn't and he came back and proposed to her because he realized he wanted her forever. You just don't know. I think its too fast, but i don't have a say

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I think you need to set aside your personal feelings and consider that your sister could be involved in an abusive relationship with a control freak. If they were simply eloping, that's one thing. However, the hurried marriage after a break up, the fact that his side are invited, but her side is completely cut off...smells something rotten.

    Please don't confront your sister, but rather be warm to her and tell her that you are there for her and support her no matter what, when, or what time of day and night, no questions asked, and leave it at that. Do try to keep a discreet eye on her life as much as you can....just don't let her or her hubby get wind of that. It takes a long time for abuse victims to come out of the fog and when they do, they often find themselves completely alone, having alienated their family and friends. You need to stay super neutral and supportive in a way that she believes she can turn to you for help without getting judged and without any "I told you so's".

    Sorry if I sound harsh or like jumping to the worst conclusions. A personal case of been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Except it wasn't a sister but a close friend of mine. Your story is disturbingly similar. Sudden cut off of friends and family for no apparent reason and some plausible sounding excuses....but not really realistic if you are honest. Like, all she needs to do is let fam and friends know when her wedding is. People will decide and make arrangements for themselves to travel to it or not. Nobody is asking her to pay for anything....sooo...it's a flimsy excuse for alienating her family and I seriously doubt the idea stems from her. Anyway, something to consider and beware of. I hope I'm wrong, but.....do keep that in back of your mind until/unless you confirm otherwise with certainty.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    I think you need to set aside your personal feelings and consider that your sister could be involved in an abusive relationship with a control freak. If they were simply eloping, that's one thing. However, the hurried marriage after a break up, the fact that his side are invited, but her side is completely cut off...smells something rotten.
    I agree with this.
    It may not be all bad, but bad enough that they feel it best to not have the distraction of those overly concerned or in judgment of their decision.

    If you want a relationship with your sister, you support her in such a way that she feels safe enough to confide in you if she needs to.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    I think you need to set aside your personal feelings and consider that your sister could be involved in an abusive relationship with a control freak. If they were simply eloping, that's one thing. However, the hurried marriage after a break up, the fact that his side are invited, but her side is completely cut off...smells something rotten.

    Please don't confront your sister, but rather be warm to her and tell her that you are there for her and support her no matter what, when, or what time of day and night, no questions asked, and leave it at that. Do try to keep a discreet eye on her life as much as you can....just don't let her or her hubby get wind of that. It takes a long time for abuse victims to come out of the fog and when they do, they often find themselves completely alone, having alienated their family and friends. You need to stay super neutral and supportive in a way that she believes she can turn to you for help without getting judged and without any "I told you so's".

    Sorry if I sound harsh or like jumping to the worst conclusions. A personal case of been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Except it wasn't a sister but a close friend of mine. Your story is disturbingly similar. Sudden cut off of friends and family for no apparent reason and some plausible sounding excuses....but not really realistic if you are honest. Like, all she needs to do is let fam and friends know when her wedding is. People will decide and make arrangements for themselves to travel to it or not. Nobody is asking her to pay for anything....sooo...it's a flimsy excuse for alienating her family and I seriously doubt the idea stems from her. Anyway, something to consider and beware of. I hope I'm wrong, but.....do keep that in back of your mind until/unless you confirm otherwise with certainty.
    Maybe i misread but

    Now, all of a sudden, she has changed her mind and sent an email to us saying she wants a private ceremony with just herself and the groom

    It sounds like his family is not invited either.

    Also, how old is she? if she is older, its not ucommon to meet someone and have a faster timeline for getting married

    Its not enough info to tell if he is abusive and isolating or he isn't -- she is pregnant, she is just too swept up in her love for this guy, etc, and is getting ahead of herself - or she does know he is the right one -- we don't know.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Maybe i misread but

    Now, all of a sudden, she has changed her mind and sent an email to us saying she wants a private ceremony with just herself and the groom

    It sounds like his family is not invited either.

    Also, how old is she? if she is older, its not ucommon to meet someone and have a faster timeline for getting married

    Its not enough info to tell if he is abusive and isolating or he isn't -- she is pregnant, she is just too swept up in her love for this guy, etc, and is getting ahead of herself - or she does know he is the right one -- we don't know.
    The full story is: an email to us saying she wants a private ceremony with just herself and the groom and later will have a small reception with family who is local....but not including us or family who live out of state (mainly in CA).

    So sorry, but it doesn't sound like two people eloping or whatever. Like I said, I hope that I'm wrong and I'm definitely a bit triggered by the been there done that, seen this kind of a situation. It didn't have a plausible explanation or a fairy tale ending. OP better keep a discrete eye on her sister is all I can say and then cross my fingers and hope that I'm complete off base here.

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