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Thread: Ask for clarification or let sleeping dogs lie?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by jackie103
    I think many of you are right. At the time, before I met her, I didn’t think I’d like her enough to be more than FWB. Even after meeting her, I was feeling kind of iffy. She was really enthusiastic after we met about seeing me again so I think that made me feel good and definitely boosted my ego a bit.

    My ego is taking a hit with her decreased enthusiasm and perhaps the psychology of it is making me feel like I want to spend more time with her, talk to her, etc etc.
    Could part of what you're feeling be a bit of "wanting what you can't have?"

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Littler
    Could part of what you're feeling be a bit of "wanting what you can't have?"
    Most definitely. I find that my attraction for someone increases when I feel like they’re not that into me...

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by jackie103
    Most definitely. I find that my attraction for someone increases when I feel like they’re not that into me...
    So your interest in her has not actually increased, it's your interest in the challenge she is now presenting that's intriguiing you.

    It's ego-driven versus genuine interest-driven.

    My sense is she sensed this about you (we have) and has no interest in pursuing a man with this mindset, FWB or otherwise, rightfully so.

    Smart girl.

    GL.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    So your interest in her has not actually increased, it's your interest in the challenge she is now presenting that's intriguiing you.

    It's ego-driven versus genuine interest-driven.

    My sense is she sensed this about you (we have) and has no interest in pursuing a man with this mindset, FWB or otherwise, rightfully so.

    Smart girl.

    GL.
    I have not changed anything about communication with her though... in my mind, there should be no way she can perceive that my level of interest has changed at all. I was the one to initiate the second meeting, I always texted her back, etc etc

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  6. #25
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    Never under-estimate the power of a woman's intuition.

    She senses something is 'not quite right', with you and/or the situation (which is actually true), and is distancing herself from it.

    Just my take on it, sorry.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-13-2019 at 11:44 AM.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by jackie103
    I think many of you are right. At the time, before I met her, I didn’t think I’d like her enough to be more than FWB. Even after meeting her, I was feeling kind of iffy. She was really enthusiastic after we met about seeing me again so I think that made me feel good and definitely boosted my ego a bit.

    My ego is taking a hit with her decreased enthusiasm and perhaps the psychology of it is making me feel like I want to spend more time with her, talk to her, etc etc.
    But she is not a friend. You are talking about meeting a stranger for a sexual arrangement, a hookup - get very clear on what you signed up for "nothing serious" with a near stranger. She is not your "friend" - you just met her. And you know -since she seems educated and intelligent perhaps she's also emotionally intelligent and could tell you were downgrading her to just good enough for a sex buddy - so she lowered her expectations too. And now you want to backpedal since your snap judgments turned out to be wrong and now she's the one, ironically enough, thinking she's not so into you whether for sex or otherwise. Please play fair with yourself and others -play nicely in the sandbox as they say.

  8. #27
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    There just seems to be a shift in her responses to me and feels like she has lost interest
    Nobody can keep up the same intensity that launches dating. There will always be ebbs and flows between people, because we can't live and function inside the artificial bubble we initially place around our focus when first meeting someone. If you personalize that, you'll sink yourself into unnecessary rumination.

    Focus on your own life, and reach out on occasion. When that focus synchs up with those you date, enjoy it. When it doesn't, move your focus back onto other aspects of living and trust that others will let you know when they are able to put their focus back on you.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    But she is not a friend. You are talking about meeting a stranger for a sexual arrangement, a hookup - get very clear on what you signed up for "nothing serious" with a near stranger. She is not your "friend" - you just met her. And you know -since she seems educated and intelligent perhaps she's also emotionally intelligent and could tell you were downgrading her to just good enough for a sex buddy - so she lowered her expectations too. And now you want to backpedal since your snap judgments turned out to be wrong and now she's the one, ironically enough, thinking she's not so into you whether for sex or otherwise. Please play fair with yourself and others -play nicely in the sandbox as they say.
    Yep.

    Your words and actions to her and what you say you want to us are two different things.
    Why not instead of "hooking up" unless someone says "i am just looking for a little fun tonight" you actually go on a date and decide if you want to see the person again instead of hanging out at eachother's places and having sex the first time you meet. Then you won't freak out if the young woman is legit busy and getting clingy.

  10. #29
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    OP I get the sense you're ashamed or embarrassed by your feelings, hence why you insist on playing this cool macho guy who only wants hook ups or FWBs.

    i think blue may have alluded to this but having feelings for a woman, wanting something more than just casual hookups is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

    You are no less a man for experiencing such emotions and/or feeling vulnerable.

    In fact, in my and many women's eyes, you are more of a man! For not hiding behind this false bravado persona and fake facade many men insist on hiding behind, which it appears is what you're doing now.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-14-2019 at 02:45 PM.

  11. #30
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    Ask for clarification or let sleeping dogs lie?

    You guys text a lot for people that don’t want “anything serious”... I think once every couple of days in that scenario would be plenty. Dial it back and give her space which is what a casual relationship is all about.

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