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Thread: Coming Out at 35

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ATHiker19
    I am, however, married, to the father of my two children, which puts me in quite a predicament. Staying true to my husband, who I've been with for over 7 years, or be true to MYSELF and finally let myself become the person that I truly am.
    You're leaving out the most important point: do you want to stay married, or not?

    That's the driver of your decision.

  2. #12

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    What a dilemma , Iím my deepest fantasyís and much younger I wanted to. Never found the courage many do. Itís scary

  3. #13
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    Coming Out at 35

    Hell, I have a friend thatís a major Christian, like she LOVES her some Jesus Christ, and she also loved her husband so much and had two kids with him. She realized she was gay, she told him, he completely supported her and the kids during the transition. She is now about to marry a woman and all of them are as close as could be. I realize this may be an anomaly but it happens ALL THE TIME!!

  4. #14
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    Coming Out at 35

    Also, my god, for all of you folks asking why she married a man if she knew she was gay, could you all just stop the judgment for a second and realize 1) if you are straight, you LIKELY have no clue what this is like and 2) tons of us gay folks were once acting straight. Itís what you do. Itís what society expects. You donít know another way necessarily. Give people a break!!!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    You're leaving out the most important point: do you want to stay married, or not?

    That's the driver of your decision.
    This is pretty much the crux of it. Telling him will have a good chance of breaking up your marriage so think carefully about the future and what you want from it.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nebraskagirl14
    Also, my god, for all of you folks asking why she married a man if she knew she was gay, could you all just stop the judgment for a second and realize 1) if you are straight, you LIKELY have no clue what this is like and 2) tons of us gay folks were once acting straight. Itís what you do. Itís what society expects. You donít know another way necessarily. Give people a break!!!
    Yes, and yes. Unless you've had a particularly enlightened parent, you were 'raised straight'. Period. No gray areas to consider until you've matured enough to recognize that the confines of your upbringing haven't served you well to consider your true nature.

    And I don't use the word 'nature' lightly, because heterosexuality cannot be 'nurtured' into a person.

    That's where the conflict comes in. None of us can make assumptions about how or when a person can recognize, name, and counter the dissonance between their nature versus the way that they've been nurtured for the duration of their lives.

    While some strong personalities can reconcile this difference early in their lives, others may never get there, while still others get there during various stages of life. So it makes no sense for anyone to prescribe this pivotal experience for anyone else.

    We can't know how many people have opted to squelch the consequences of this recognition in favor of carrying on in their households and established families versus those who've recognized instead that they cannot do that. The only place where ethics or morality enter the equation is a choice to cheat on a current partner. That's not about sexuality, it's about loyalty and health risks that no degree of confusion justifies.

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