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Thread: Please help me- is he a narcassist ? What now!

  1. #1
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    Please help me- is he a narcassist ? What now!

    So I met this guy on a dating site shortly after coming out of a brief relationship I left the dating site as in the most non big headed way I was overwhelmed but he kept messaging me on my social media, he became really good friend and we spoke of all sorts and text eachother 24/7. I really didnít find him attractive at all but how similar we were shocked me we had the same sense of humour. We both agreed we connected so well and we were the same person. He had been single for six years which was a massive shock for me , he said he started to develop feelings and that he may be falling in love with me , we text about marriage kids all sorts I started to really like him one night we spent 5 hours on the phone to eachother!!! . If i didnít reply to his texts he would send about 8 in a row until I did . I am going to Ibiza with my friends and he booked the exact same flight and hotel with his friends which shocked me a bit but at the time i thought wow he must like me ! I was nervous to meet him because I do modelling a lot of my social media is of my magazine shoots and I thought what If he does not fancy me in person but after four months of talking we met up and slept together after that it seemed it was a bit weird for a few days I donít know why we both felt awkward . Then he said some weird things like he knows I used to text men same time as him (I did at the beginning as meeting on a dating site assumed he did the same) and I should go meet other men and he will still be my friend. So we had a bit of a falling out he said some nasty things like I looked like when he saw me and should make more of an effort Iím a sl.ut etc . After our fall out I did meet someone else for a drink on his advice , he quickly then came back onto me and asked me to meet him again and we both agreed to stop talking to other people until we had spent a weekend together , we then got back texting and calling loads and I mean 24/7. I met him a few weeks after again and spent weekend with him. After that weekend the following day I went to afternoon tea with my mum and he rang me constantly like show me who your with send me a picture I was like no itís my mum and we got in a nasty fight . Day after that I went to a concert with my friends in London and he said he knew Iíd run off to London as Iím a and he called me vile names rang me screaming at me SaÔd about me texting men and the drink I went on with that guy and im so untrustworthy heíd never be with someone like me - we agreed to cut ties I was in tears with his harsh words. The week after cutting ties he text me some small talk about me when we both go Ibiza same time and I caved and told him how much I missed him etc he kinda enjoyed it and said itís a mature decision I donít follow him on social media as I wouldnít want to see it. That hurt me so much so I told him to just stop speaking to me. Week after that he sent me a picture of a film we watched together, I ignored it, week after that he sent me a text message at 2am but then deleted it before I got to read it so I messaged him back asking what he had sent as it bothered me and he never replied and that was three weeks ago I havenít heard from him since . Iím devastated we spoke every second of the day itís a major loss and void. My friends tell me his since back on dating sites which is tearing me in bits. Our connection was unreal! Any advice to get over this would be great!!!!
    (Iíve since changed my flights to Ibiza to week after unbeknown to him he will still expect me to be out there same time in June) He is 8 years older than me . Iím 30 .

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    I'm so glad you changed the dates.
    He's definitely controlling and not worth your time. Kinda scary too.
    I'd block him on everything and try to focus on how much of an ahole he is. It helps. It's still gonna be hard, but in time you will realize that the connection was not exactly great.

  3. #3
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    I couldn't tell you with 100% confidence that he has full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (a professional would need to evaluate him and diagnose him with NPD in order for it to be a confirmed diagnosis) but, from what you have written, I CAN tell you that this is a toxic person whom you need to remove from your life. Block him from all email, social media, text, phone, etc. Do not allow him into your life. Avoid toxic people like him and look for healthy-minded individuals to surround yourself with.

    I'd also like to point out some very red flags you should watch out for when seeking a relationship in future:

    1. Saying "I love you/am falling in love with you" early on in a courtship; this is a big red flag when a person is saying this to you early on, before that person has gotten to know you very well. No one can genuinely fall in love with someone else that quickly. When a person says this to you in the early stages of courtship, that person is either confusing infatuation with love or, that person is using it as a ploy to quickly pull you in. Either way, it's bad news.

    2. Extreme jealousy/trust issues; anyone who has trust issues has no business being in a relationship until those issues have been resolved. It is a big red flag when someone demands to know where you are, who you are with, and that proof be sent. Accusing you of cheating on a regular basis, name-calling, and hounding you for immediate responses to his messages, all scream of severe trust issues and out of control jealousy.

    3. Not caring about your needs/wants, unapologetic selfishness; flat-out ignoring your request that he no longer contact you suggests that he doesn't care what it is that you need or want. He only cares about what it is that he wants to do and your wants don't matter. Highly selfish people with no regard for others should be avoided like the plague as they will ALWAYS put themselves above others.

  4. #4
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    Thank you for this in depth reply . You are right he showed some horrible traits I just wish I could forget him as easy as he seems to have forgotten me . Itís very sad to think il never hear from him again despite how unkind he became and his love for power the last few weeks . Thank you though

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  6. #5
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    He lured you in with sweet talk, making you feel you have so much in common, that you are "one person", then professed his love for you. This caused your dopamine receptors to fire, which caused your serotonin to rise, making you feel the same as if you'd won a huge jackpot in a slot machine.

    You've undoubtedly read a lot on the internet, hence your use of the term "narcissist", so you probably realize this is "lovebombing".

    No one here can tell if he's a narcissist, but we can tell you one thing: he's demeaned you, he's belittled you, he's called you heinous names, and then he flips back to Mr. Perfect.

    He keeps reeling you back in with promises of this amazing man, this amazing future, until he knocks you down again, causing this cycle of love and abuse.

    Cut the cycle, now. Block him from access, and take this time to figure out why you are so drawn to this dynamic. This might take therapy on your part. There is nothing wrong with you; I've been there! It might take quite a while to unravel, in you, the reasons you stay on his line like a fish that has been hooked, knowing it's going to get mutilated.

  7. #6
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    " So we had a bit of a falling out he said some nasty things like I looked like when he saw me and should make more of an effort Iím a sl.ut etc ." He said these things to you and you did not block him? Not only did you not block him, but slept with him. Unbelievable!

    He is a controlling. manipulative and abusive azzhole. Why would you allow someone to treat you like this? He showed you very early on what type of man he was, yet you kept going back. You need to learn to react to red flags earlier, or you could end up getting physically hurt.

    If someone is talking about a future and stating they love you, before you have met, and spent a lot of time together, you should know this is a big red flag.

    Block him!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like a vacation hookup gone terribly wrong. You need to block and delete him from all your social media and messaging apps. Date local men you can get to know in person over time. Stay away from hooking up randomly with guys on vacations, if it gets too complicated.

  9. 05-13-2019, 02:30 PM

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  10. #8
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    You created the same thread yesterday. Weren't the responses sufficient? Reread.

    We told you that he a controlling, insecure, abusive azzhole. What do you not understand?

  11. #9
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    I strongly suggest some therapy. You should not have allowed this guy into your life. So many red flags.

    Did you block yet?

  12. #10
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    >>Any advice to get over this would be great.<<

    Best way to get over someone is to go no contact and block.

    What blocking does is it frees your mind (and heart) from jumping every time you receive a text thinking/hoping it's from him. It really is quite freeing emotionally.

    You will get over him much faster that way.

    Also, seek out a support group of others experiencing same thing.

    That helped me heal a lot!

    Lastly, be patient with yourself. There will be lots of emotional fluctuations, from love to hate, happy to sad, anger to joyful, allow yourself to feel these emotions until eventually you will reach indifference.

    But it takes time so again be patient w yourself.

    Time really does heal, and I am speaking from experience!

    Good luck and ((hugs)), you'll be okay, I promise!

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