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Thread: Will he come back?

  1. #1

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    Will he come back?

    I met the most amazing man in December. I knew that he was in the process of divorce but also knew that she had ended things, cheated on him, and moved 2 of his children 3 states away. We are in love. It's very simple. Except that she started making noise. She told him that she hates the idea of me. She then refused to sign the divorce papers over Easter. He now believes that maybe there is a chance to get his family back, even though he also admits that he will never be able to trust her again.

    He broke up with me two weeks ago. In a crying, sobbing, horrific discussion. He loves me. He thinks I'm amazing. But he thinks he is damaged. He said he is seeking therapy (I am too).

    I'm afraid that he is going to try to get back with her, even though he knows it will fail in the long run.

    Will he come back to me? I just want him back.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. He is in too much divorce turmoil to be in a relationship. He may get back with her and you may hear from him. However it will be hurtful because he is using a lot of "my wife doesn't understand me' married man lines on you. Step way back, reflect and date someone who is ready willing and able to have a stable relationship with you.

  3. #3
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    He's trying to keep his family together. It's good that he is at least trying.

    I would bow out. Let them try to fix their family.

    Yes, it hurts. But he was never truly available to you.

  4. #4
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you are going through so much hurt...but it's never a good idea to be involved with a man going through a divorce. I suspect this has been more of a rebound. It's obvious he still loves her even tho he struggles with her infidelity. Some people cheat because they feel empty in the relationship. There might have been issues in their marriage you don't know about. She may have went astray because he wasn't paying enough attention to her or she lost interest in the marriage. In a lot of cases of infidelity, they go back to the spouse...almost always. Strangely enough it brings them closer together realizing where they went wrong, and the fact there is too much at stake with losing the family unit. But can you really blame him if you were in his shoes?

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  6. #5
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    He was never really emotionally present in the relationship with you, OP.

    I say that because if he were, he wouldn't have been willing to give it another shot with his wife. A big part of his heart is still with her, even if it's unhealthy. There really is nothing you can do about it, because it isn't about you. The prospect of getting his family back together outweighs the potential he has with you.

    It sucks, without a doubt. But you need to let him go. He isn't in any place to try to date while he is working on his marriage.

  7. #6
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    I don't think he's truly in love with you so strongly that he would choose you over his ex-wife. He is choosing the wife. I think this is unfortunately a losing situation for you.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    He was never really emotionally present in the relationship with you, OP.

    I say that because if he were, he wouldn't have been willing to give it another shot with his wife. A big part of his heart is still with her, even if it's unhealthy. There really is nothing you can do about it, because it isn't about you. The prospect of getting his family back together outweighs the potential he has with you.

    It sucks, without a doubt. But you need to let him go. He isn't in any place to try to date while he is working on his marriage.
    My thoughts exactly.

  9. #8
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    Sorry, but he was not in love with you.

    This is the perfect example of why not to get involved with someone who is married or recently divorced- high chance they will return to the partner, or not emotionally ready for a relationship.

    why would you want him back? You need to block him and move on. he chose his ex over you.

    You do not want to become his mistress. Cut him out of your life and learn from this.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jenns321
    I met the most amazing man in December. I knew that he was in the process of divorce but also knew that she had ended things, cheated on him, and moved 2 of his children 3 states away. We are in love. It's very simple. Except that she started making noise. She told him that she hates the idea of me. She then refused to sign the divorce papers over Easter. He now believes that maybe there is a chance to get his family back, even though he also admits that he will never be able to trust her again.

    He broke up with me two weeks ago. In a crying, sobbing, horrific discussion. He loves me. He thinks I'm amazing. But he thinks he is damaged. He said he is seeking therapy (I am too).

    I'm afraid that he is going to try to get back with her, even though he knows it will fail in the long run.

    Will he come back to me? I just want him back.
    How do you know that what he is telling you is even the truth?
    I think its a good idea that you are getting therapy. When you have more self esteem, you will automatically stay away from men that are not yet divorced and are only "going through a divorce." Those men are more often than not, not ready to be in a relationship and need the therapy BEFORE they start dating, not after they have effed up the lives of women such as yourself who aren't ready to date themselves. If they were, they would never get involved with married men.

    That being said, I'm sorry you are hurting and that you allowed such a man into your heart. Zero contact will get you over him far quicker than waiting for him to contact or return. (he is in no way ready to be in anything serious with you so stop hoping)

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I'd take this as a lesson to never get close to men who are "going through a divorce". Weather they're really divorcing their wife or cheating on them, it's never a good idea to get into that mess and better to go for men who are over their exes and are not going through complicated situations like divorces or separation.

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