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Thread: Ex GF keeps contacting me

  1. #1

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    Ex GF keeps contacting me

    My Ex GF keeps contacting me after we broke up and I'm trying to figure out whats going on in her head. I've tried to implement no contact but she keeps contacting me in various ways. If anyone has an insight into what she's trying to do please let me know!

    (15 days ago)
    - Had a rough weekend were both of us essentially agreed that its not working out due to communication issues (but I suspect that there was more at play here like lingering resentment issues).
    - After we agreed upon that, we laid in bed and chatted about her and me and our relationship for 45ish minutes, and things started to heat up again, so she decided to leave.
    - We gave each other a hug and she said that this will be the last time we see each other. She left.

    (15 days ago, 3 hours later)
    - She phoned me. I didn't answer. She texted me about adware issues on her computer. I didn't respond for a while and was pretty standoffish and neutral with my responses, which were pretty spaced out.
    - She eventually phoned again hours later, which I answered, and we ended up talking about her and me and our relationship for another 45 minutes.
    - I eventually let her go so I could go back to homework. I planned on no contact at this point.

    (11 days ago) She phoned me during the evening while I was working out. She phoned seven times in three hours. I didn't answer at all.

    (10 days ago) I texted her 'that I was busy and that I hope she's doing well. No other contact.

    (8 days ago)
    - She phoned me a few times during the day on Saturday. I didn't' answer.
    - She texted me that she missed my cat. Later in the day I texted her something like my cat was starting to like her (my cat was standoffish to her while we were together until recently). Thats it.
    - She phoned me three other times during the day, which I didn't answer.
    - She later texted me that she was in the neighbourhood and wanted to come see my cat. She soon texted me again to say that she was outside my house and wanted to come in. I was actually in bed taking a nap and it woke me up, and I stated something like 'um, I guess, but I need to get ready to go out in 30 minutes" . She said "ok". Went downstairs in my house coat and there she was at the door. Let her in. I ran around and got ready while she played with my cat.
    - There was some brief and light chit chat but then I told her that I needed to go. I gave her a hug, we said that it was nice to see each other, and she left.

    (6 days ago)
    - She texted me a picture of someones cat.
    - Didn't respond.

    (5 days ago)
    - I texted her that "I think I need some space to help get over this break up".
    - She said 'alrighty'.
    - didn't answer.
    - Two hours later she texted me that this was harder than she thought, especially for the 'final' time that we break up. She stated that she drove to my house so many times for a chance to see me through the window or outside. But she never did see me.
    - She then texted me that 'she wishes the best for me', and that 'she might block my number so she wouldn't contact me', which doesn't really make sense.
    -didn't answer.

    (2 day ago)
    - 12:00 at night she phoned me. I didn't answer.
    - I was laying on the coach in the living room, and I sat up, and I saw a car parked out front. Looked through the door to get a closer looked. It was her. I stood there for a minute thinking about what to do. Phoned her to try to figure out whats going on. Straight to voicemail. Phoned again and the same thing.
    - walked away and texted her 'I see you'.
    - She texted 'i see you too'.
    - I texted 'what are you up to?
    - She texted 'I didn't want be at home so I was driving around'.
    - I texted 'so you came to my house?'
    - She texted 'I have friends in the area'.
    - Didn't answer.
    - She texted 'Don't worry though I'm leaving now'.
    - Didn't answer.
    - 15 minutes later she texted 'I miss you a lot'.
    - I texted 'thanks for telling me. I respect your decision to want to break up'.
    - She 'texted it was a mutual decision and its for the best'.
    - Didn't answer.
    - She texted 'I thought about coming to the door to give you a hug but I didn't know if you wanted that'.
    - Didn't answer.


    I feel that either she wants to work things out, or otherwise get back into my life, doesn't want to admit it, or otherwise initiate it, and is providing opportunities for me to do so, or is trying to 'feel out' what I think. Or perhaps she doesn't want to get back together and just misses me. Or perhaps she's conflicted. I don't really know what shes thinking because she keeps initiating these things but says things like 'its for the best'. And at the same time she's pretty introverted and isn't really the best at communicating.

    Anybody have any insights? I'm more interested in her mindset or what she wants rather than preventing this. Thanks! :)

  2. #2
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Do you even ask her? She's the only one that would know.

  3. #3

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    Nope! I could, but I'd rather keep contact to an absolute minimum.

  4. #4
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    she contacts you.. and you answer.
    what are you missing here? you are obviously young. If you want things to be over, put your foot down. She still has a foot in the door, and every time you reply... the door stays open longer.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If she refuses to respect your wishes, then ignore her. If that doesn't work forewarn her and tell her that you will take drastic measures. If she doesn't take heed yet continues to relentlessly contact you, block her.

  7. #6

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    Totally understand to get her out of my life I could just ignore her, or tell her to leave me alone again. I'd like to try to figure out what she wants or why shes doing this despite my very limited, neutral responses.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Frankly, I think its rather disturbing that you have kept such a detailed 'journal' of this situation. You are broken up. Either end it outright by blocking her or answer her and ask her what she wants. By doing this the way you are doing it, she has all the power in this situation and she is keeping you mired to her... to the extent that you have started a thread about it. She's in your head... get her out of it by doing something other then what you have been doing.

    Her motives are her own and if you are so interested in knowing what her motives are then ask her outright. If you don't care then block her and get on with your life without her in your head.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Trinity11's Avatar
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    lucid, maybe just straight up tell her you need your space and need to go no contact for your own healing. It's nothing personal, but something you both need to get over this. Then, if she contacts you and you don't answer, she won't be surprised. Answering is not helping her btw. But maybe give her a heads up first.

    Also, pretty simple. She wants your attention. Don't give it to her unless you plan on getting back together, its pointless.

  10. #9

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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Frankly, I think its rather disturbing that you have kept such a detailed 'journal' of this situation. You are broken up. Either end it outright by blocking her or answer her and ask her what she wants. By doing this the way you are doing it, she has all the power in this situation and she is keeping you mired to her... to the extent that you have started a thread about it. She's in your head... get her out of it by doing something other then what you have been doing.

    Her motives are her own and if you are so interested in knowing what her motives are then ask her outright. If you don't care then block her and get on with your life without her in your head.
    Thanks for the response!

    This isn't a journal, just my memory lol. So she has all the power by her being the one always contacting me and me ignoring her for the most part? I feel that I have the power as its my lack of contact that keeps her coming back to me lol. I may have to resort to asking her whats up. But I doubt she would honestly tell me because of her particular style of communication. Part of the reason why I'm asking for the insight from third parties.
    Last edited by lucid1; 05-06-2019 at 07:44 PM.

  11. #10

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    Originally Posted by Trinity11
    lucid, maybe just straight up tell her you need your space and need to go no contact for your own healing. It's nothing personal, but something you both need to get over this. Then, if she contacts you and you don't answer, she won't be surprised. Answering is not helping her btw. But maybe give her a heads up first.

    Also, pretty simple. She wants your attention. Don't give it to her unless you plan on getting back together, its pointless.
    Hey, thanks for the response! I've tried to do no contact for my own healing. My plan was going to touch base with her after 3 or 4 weeks to feel things out, and who knows, maybe we both put thought into each other and what happened that maybe we could reconcile. In the mean time I like to analyze the situation haha.

    It does seem that she wants my attention. But WHY is the question? :P

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