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Thread: Secret Admirer, How Do I Get Beyond This?

  1. #1
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    Secret Admirer, How Do I Get Beyond This?

    I started a new job a little over 2 years ago. There was this very nice, funny, good looking guy there that would hide behind office furniture all over the building and jump out to scare me. After a couple of weeks of doing that he started putting his arm around me and hugging me daily. I really enjoyed it and man, did he smell good! We would have usual work small talk, as it was a very busy workplace and sometimes some light flirting when it appeared no one was around. It would have been extremely inappropriate at the time for it to be anything more given I was his supervisor and had a bf.

    Skip ahead to now. I moved to another office and have been gone from the other one for 1.5 years now. I have thought of him often, but my move to the other office was sudden/not planned so I didn't get to say goodbye or even tell him I was leaving. I broke up with the bf around the same time as the move. A friend of mine from the old office posted something on Facebook the other day and this guy had commented on it. So, I struck up a bit of a conversation with him and then took it to private messages. I kept it professional and just asked about work and how he was doing. He answered my questions promptly, but never asked me anything and hasn't messaged me since.

    I really want to get to know him better and get back to the fun place we were in. He used to tell me he was only coming to work to see me. We do have a lot in common. Maybe I misread him before? Or maybe I've been out of the dating game so long I don't know how to get back in it. It also doesn't help that I am really shy when it comes to personal matters. Or he's just lost interest in all that time (out of sight, out of mind). All I know is that we are now both single and I have never been able to get him out of my head.

    HELP PLEASE!

    Sent from my SM-N960W using Tapatalk

  2. #2

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    Originally Posted by thelonely
    I started a new job a little over 2 years ago. There was this very nice, funny, good looking guy there that would hide behind office furniture all over the building and jump out to scare me. After a couple of weeks of doing that he started putting his arm around me and hugging me daily. I really enjoyed it and man, did he smell good! We would have usual work small talk, as it was a very busy workplace and sometimes some light flirting when it appeared no one was around. It would have been extremely inappropriate at the time for it to be anything more given I was his supervisor and had a bf.

    Skip ahead to now. I moved to another office and have been gone from the other one for 1.5 years now. I have thought of him often, but my move to the other office was sudden/not planned so I didn't get to say goodbye or even tell him I was leaving. I broke up with the bf around the same time as the move. A friend of mine from the old office posted something on Facebook the other day and this guy had commented on it. So, I struck up a bit of a conversation with him and then took it to private messages. I kept it professional and just asked about work and how he was doing. He answered my questions promptly, but never asked me anything and hasn't messaged me since.

    I really want to get to know him better and get back to the fun place we were in. He used to tell me he was only coming to work to see me. We do have a lot in common. Maybe I misread him before? Or maybe I've been out of the dating game so long I don't know how to get back in it. It also doesn't help that I am really shy when it comes to personal matters. Or he's just lost interest in all that time (out of sight, out of mind). All I know is that we are now both single and I have never been able to get him out of my head.

    HELP PLEASE!

    Sent from my SM-N960W using Tapatalk
    You seem already friend with him on Facebook. See what his reaction on every post that you make. You can start from there i think.

  3. #3
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    We became friends on Facebook the same day I messaged him. He doesn't seem to be on there all that often.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Are you really sure he doesnt have a gf or wife? Maybe he does, and that's why you arent hearing much from him. You can try to get him to chat with you on fb or you can let it go, which is what I suggest, you really dont know what he's doing now.

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  6. #5
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    It doesn’t sound like he was interested back then .
    You worked with him for 6 months and when you left he never contacted you.

    It doesn’t sound like he is interested now either given his minimalistic responses and no attempt to engage in further conversation.

    You’ve already tried and nothing happened.

    Expand your social circle if you want to get back into the dating scene.
    Forget this guy.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's been 1.5 years since you broke up with your bf? Have you been dating since or did you recently stop dating someone / broke up with someone? Think of this other thing as a fond memory.

    Get a good profile and some nice photos up on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men who are single and interested. He is clearly not interested in more than being politely replying to your friend request and pms.
    Originally Posted by thelonely
    I moved to another office and have been gone from the other one for 1.5 years now. I broke up with the bf around the same time as the move.

    He answered my questions promptly, but never asked me anything and hasn't messaged me since.

  8. #7
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    Just to add....

    “It would have been extremely inappropriate at the time for it to be anything more given I was his supervisor and had a bf”

    The interaction between you that you allowed was inappropriate never mind it progressing to anything more , not that he wanted it to.

  9. #8
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    Thank you for all of your responses. I guess I will just let sleeping dogs lie.

    To answer some of your questions.
    - Yes, I'm sure he is single.
    - No, I have not dated at all since I left my bf. I have been approached, but haven't met anyone that has really caught my attention.
    - Even if either one of us wanted to reach out to the other after I left, we didn't have each other's contact information.
    - He did invite me to a concert with him, but I didn't go. Not that I didn't want to, I had work obligations to take care of.

    Again, thank you for all your input. I will leave it alone.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member WaywardKiwi's Avatar
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    Hi thelonely,

    Though it appears you have made a decision to move on and forget about this particular guy, I wanted to belatedly tell you to go for it (I.e. ask him out, on a date). Because there is no reason not to, other than he may not be interested, and if he isn't no big deal.

    I'm just not a big fan of 'reading the signals' and prefer a direct, straight up approach (you've been left wondering once already...)

    Just an alternative perspective.
    T

  11. #10
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    “Even if either one of us wanted to reach out to the other after I left, we didn't have each other's contact information.”

    Yet you had a mutual friend on fb? It was possible.

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