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Thread: After a great, fun first date, guess we weren't a great fit all of a sudden...

  1. #1
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    After a great, fun first date, guess we weren't a great fit all of a sudden...

    So i just went on a great, fun first date with a really nice, awesome girl i'd been talking to for a few weeks on a dating app/texting...we really got to know each other quite well, learned alot about each either, and were both generally excited about meeting one another and a potential great future we one another had it blossomed into something. Even talked to each other on the phone a few times before meeting which we both enjoyed.

    Well about an hour ago i got a "hey...can i talk to you about something?..." text from here. So I called her to see what was up, but I kind of had a feeling once i saw the text. She told me that just didn't think we'd be a good fit, at least right now, due to us not having similar goals (whatever goals those are, perhaps career wise) because we seemed to have similar aspirations when it comes to starting a family in the future. She said it wasn't anything i did or said and that she'd been thinking about it for the past few days, and she told me a bad she really feels quite a few times as well. I must admit, it was upsetting and still is, but i told her that i understand and i don't want to push anything on here if she didn't feel something didn't seem right, and i thanked her and told i appreciated telling me now, instead of when it were to go further if it did. She proceeded to keep saying how bad she felt, and it did sound genuine, but i proceeded to tell her I enjoyed talking to, getting to know her and having a fun day with her meeting her for the first time and told her to have a good rest of her night, she said all the same, and we hung up. And i was super cool with it, i wasn't mean about it with her at all because that wouldn't have been right.

    It is upsetting though because I had good feeling about her and what could happen between us, especially since it's been 6 years since i've been in a serious relationship so i was pretty happy/excited to be getting to know and having the courage to follow through on a first date with her, but i guess it is what it is and i except that. Glad i didn't do and say anything wrong, but it still gave that feeling of "i feel like i'll just never catch a break and find anyone at this point"

    But i respect that she talked to me about it and was honest. It sucks, but i guess if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't and can't do anything about it really...

    hopefully i find someone, eventually!

  2. #2
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    You need to get a tougher skin in the world of online dating. Dude, you went on one date. That is it. Move on! Stop putting so much into someone you don't even know.

  3. #3
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    What????!?
    You were excited about a potential great future with someone you spoke to and never met!?

    You spoke about wanting kids in the future???

    Geez man! Slow down already!

    This is exactly why you donít waste time chatting online or on phone before arranging a meet!
    You actually have not gone a date with her. That was an introduction only.

    She feels bad because on paper you sound great , on the phone you sound great, but in person she just wasnít feeling attracted to you . Simple as that!

    In future have a brief chit chat online and then arrange to meet with zero expectations!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this happened. Sometimes the in person meeting just doesn't gel, especially when there has been too much of a delay in meeting and too much talking/texting and building up a scenario in your head about potential.

    Do not take it personally. It's a first meet, even if it seemed like you knew each other better. Keep in mind people go on a lot of first meets and unfortunately no matter how well it went, it can still turn out to be the dreaded one-and-done. At least she was tactful, forthcoming and prompt in her communication.

    Next time meet asap after a couple of messages. This way you don't invest time, energy or emotions in the unknown.
    Originally Posted by thatdevilsblue
    It is upsetting though because I had good feeling about her and what could happen between us

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You can't really go on what she told you as truth. She might have been dating multiple guys and decided she liked one better than you or maybe her and an ex decided to work things out.

    Either way, don't invest so many feelings so quickly until you know you are actually a good fit which can take several months of dates in real life.

  7. #6
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    Hopefully you learned a lesson moving forward that it is important to meet someone in person as soon as you can. Yes, it is good to communicate for a few times with messages to establish some compatibility and that neither of you are sociopaths, but the more you think you "know someone" through messages, the more you are going to feel disappointed at the time wasted when there turns out not to be a mutual connection when meeting in person.

    And if there is a mutual connection, try not to jump ahead of yourself by planning the future kids and maybe even their names, too. Pace yourself.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    You were excited about a potential great future with someone you spoke to and never met!?

    You spoke about wanting kids in the future???
    Originally Posted by James516

    .....try not to jump ahead of yourself by planning the future kids and maybe even their names, too. Pace yourself.
    I was thinking same^ and I think it's quite likely this girl sensed your vibe about it too (one can't really hide a vibe like that), and after your first meet, she found it WAY too much too soon, and it either freaked her out, or she became turned off, or both.

    Next time, dial it back; it's ok to be excited and be thinking future; but it's important to contain such intense emotions until it's been established there is a true connection which can only happen after you spend some significant time together, are exclusive and mutual trust has been developed. This takes time!

    Otherwise you risk the same thing happening as what happened w this girl.

    Sorry it didn't work out, lesson learned.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-12-2019 at 09:55 AM.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I was thinking same^ and I think it's quite likely this girl sensed your vibe about it too (one can't really hide a vibe like that), and after your first meet, she found it WAY too much too soon, and it either freaked her out, or she became turned off, or both.

    Next time, dial it back; it's ok to be excited and be thinking future; but it's important to contain such intense emotions until it's been established there is a true connection which can only happen after you spend some significant time together, are exclusive and mutual trust has been developed. This takes time!

    Otherwise you risk the same thing happening as what happened w this girl.

    Sorry it didn't work out, lesson learned.
    Yep!
    Obviously itís important to know these things before getting into an exclusive relationship but wow at least figure out if you both interested enough to on a 3rd or 4th date before getting too deep lol

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Obviously itís important to know these things before getting into an exclusive relationship
    but wow at least figure out if you both interested enough to on a 3rd or 4th date before getting too deep lol
    Fair point.

    But for me, and what I prefer in the men I date, it's best to hold off on the future talk, marriage and kids until we're in love and such a future is actually a possibility versus a fantasy.

    I have found in my dating experiences there is a lot of fantasizing about the future in early stages, before and after exclusivity.

    You're excited so it's to be expected, but then it ends and one or both feel confused cause "geez we discussed future and everything, what happened"?

    Too much "future faking."

    My bf and I just recently stated discussing these things and we have been together 1.25 years!

    JMO :)
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-12-2019 at 10:12 AM.

  11. #10
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    Some pieces of advice (some was mentioned before)...Meet someone in person as soon as possible because talking online is basically a waste of time. Also don't take online dating that seriously because most of it doesn't work out. Sorry to sound so negative but it's true. Some of my friends did meet their spouse online but they had to meet dozens of people first before they found "the one". You can keep doing online dating but if you keep being so sensitive, you will burn out in no time! If someone is not into you, just thank them for their time and move on. There is no reason to get excited about people you hardly know.

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