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Thread: After a great, fun first date, guess we weren't a great fit all of a sudden...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    It's always disappointing when you get excited about someone and it falls through.

    She just wasn't feeling it, for whatever reason. I believe in just accepting it and moving on. Don't analyze it, don't let it shake your confidence. It's about find a mutual match. We tend to take rejection personal and wonder what we did wrong, or what are we lacking. The reality is we didn't do anything wrong, and we aren't lacking anything. It's just not mutual. No reason, no worries.

    Take a quick break if you need to, and get right back out there.

  2. #12
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    ok, i think everyone is throwing the whole "future plans" thing out of proportion, so i guess i need to clarify that....there was never a conversation of me straight up going, to her or to anyone: "yeah maybe we can start a family and have kids in the future if we hit it off", which is what everyone here seems to think has transpired. What happened was we played a little "20 questions", which she asked me if we can play that, and one of the questions was (and i forget who asked it) if they would like a start a family/have kids IN GENERAL, at any point, and both of our replies was yes to that question, not necessarily with each other, it was a general question that was part of this "20 questions" we were playing. I never have, nor would i ever straight start mapping out a future family blueprint with someone i just started talking to, no matter how great we're hitting it off. Just saying and just to make that more clear, so i can stop be perceived as someone who is trying to start a family with someone i've met once!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Originally Posted by thatdevilsblue
    Just saying and just to make that more clear, so i can stop be perceived as someone who is trying to start a family with someone i've met once!
    Sorry to say it, but this clarification post is unlikely to change this perception. No one is saying you were trying to start a family with someone you only met one, after all; what people are saying is that, well, that you sound a bit too thirsty.

    You met this person once. You don't know her, never connected, and really have no idea what you think or feel about her. Subtract the text messages from your bond, and what's there? Not much to even think about, you know? It's dating, in short. You meet people, you see what's what, and most of the time it doesn't gel. Always a bummer when you're stoked on someone who doesn't share the spark, but it's best to learn how to handle that in about three minutes, especially when we're talking one date, no sex, and so on.

    Moral of the story: we all use people as projection screens for our fantasies. It's human. But the real fun starts when someone shatters those projections and you actually, you know, connect and hang and make some kind of story together—away from screens and text bubbles. You two didn't do this. You didn't come close to this. She met you, didn't feel you, let you know. All good. Happens. Nothing to think about too much.

    Takeaway? Thicker skin and maybe, who knows, save the 20 questions for in person and use the phone, especially early, to plan a meet up rather than nurse a crush. It's easy to "like" someone based on five photos and a few weeks of text messaging, but that thing you're liking is still 98 percent fueled by your imagination. You handled it all well, with grace, but you're a bit worked up, you dig? Save that stuff for the real people, is all people are saying.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Beautifully summed up by, Blue.

    It seemed like a good start, but she wasn't feeling it. Time to move on. Next time around, don't rush into any kind of over the top feelings, concentrate more on a casual date which may or may not go somewhere. But you'll find out more further on down the road as to which one it is.

    It's too hard to tell much about anyone in the first few dates. And first impressions aren't always the truth.


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