Moving on

My ex fiancé broke up with me a month and a half ago and I thought my world had ended. I've spent the time since working hard on getting over it and moving on and the last couple of weeks have been really good.

I met someone who took the time to help me out of my funk and put a smile on my face, we get on so well and honestly I feel nothing but happy when I'm with him. I'm confused that I even feel this way so soon after my break up as I was utterly devastated.

We've fooled around a little and the other day he asked me what we are. I told him for now I'd rather not label anything as I don't want to jump into anything new so quickly and he said he understood and that he's happy to take things slow.

Today I saw my ex (not for the first time since we split) and I didn't feel anything in regards to wishing we were still together etc but I found out he's interested in someone else and it really hurts.

I'm worried this new person in my life is a rebound and I really don't want that to be the case hence why I want to take it slow. I really wish I hadn't seen my ex, I don't want to be with him but it's horrid knowing he's moving on so soon, even though I am too!

I'm so very very confused.

I know it may feel, at times, like you're ready for a new person, but you're truly not. You need to take time going through the pain and processing everything that happened. You had a future planned with someone; hopes and dreams of a life that you'd thought you'd be living. That life isn't happening anymore, at least not with the person you'd chosen. Healing from this will take time as you mourn the relationship. What you're involved in right now is a rebound and you're only going to end up hurting him, and yourself, if you continue on with this right now.

If he is the person for you, then putting the relationship on the back burner until you've TRULY moved on from the previous one, won't be a problem. The relationship makes you feel good at a time you'd typically be feeling bad. It isn't a true fix, it's just covering the pain of the recent past. It will hit you in full force if you don't take the time to mourn what you've lost. It may not happen today, or tomorrow, or a month from now, but it will, and you don't want it to be when you're deep into a new relationship and they (and you) end up getting hurt.

Take a step back and learn to be alone with yourself for a while.

I agree that it's important to take things slow with the new guy. Just because you currently don't feel a deep longing to have you ex back, which is great, doesn't mean that you don't have any healing to do. You're whole life just got turned upside down over night. It may take some time to figure things out, and that's okay.

Try your best to not worry about what your ex is doing. He is likely just looking for comfort where he can get it, similar to yourself. Everybody bounces back at different rates. It isn't a race.

Way too soon. You need to process a major break up. Do you always need a man in your life?

You have two options.

1. Continue with this guy as slowly as you want but at some point you will need to grieve your loss and he likely won’t stick around when that realisation comes to you. At this point you are merely welcoming the distraction.

2. Let this guy go letting him know that you haven’t got over your ex yet and that you are interested but need time alone and should your paths cross again and you both are single then great. Do not give a time frame or ask him to wait.

Not wanting to get back with your ex does not mean you are over him.

You still need to go through the grief process.

If you want distraction , fine.

If you actually believe you like this guy then let him go.

Staying with him now will not be in either of your best interests and will likely break up anyway.

Sometimes the relationship has been conflicted and deteriorating for quite a while until the final ending. Especially with major conflicts such as you wanting to get married and he did not. That means the breakup can come as a relief. It always stings a bit when an ex moves on, very normal.

Thank you to everyone who has responded to this.

I know deep down I'm not over my ex really, even though I truly don't want to be back with him. This new guy and I have spoken a fair bit recently and I've been completely honest about how I feel and he is accepting of this. I don't want to waste his time and honestly I think down the line it could be something worth holding on to but I know I need to give myself time to grieve my last relationship.

In response to the question do I always need a man in my life - no, before I was with my ex I was very happy being alone, this new guy and I just happened to cross paths at this particular time and this is why I'm feeling so confused. In hindsight I think it's given me a lot of perspective on what was actually missing in my relationship with my ex.

I'm taking everything that has been said here on board, I made the mistake before of not listening to reason throughout my last relationship because I was so consumed by my little bubble of what I believed was happiness. It turned out everyone was right!