Why do I still eager the worst person?

I have some very bad low self-esteem issues and this causes me a lot of trouble.

I was in a relationship with a way richer guy and more mature, while I am quite imature and with a small horison. I gave everything and got nothing.

He always had a quite disrespectful attitude just because I never had self-respect. He sometimes would offend me in our fights and scream and saying that I have a small horison because I never travelled outside my country. That got me obsessed with the idea of travelling.

I always tried to excuse his behaviour, blaming myself for being too needy, crazy-desperate about his presence. I finally ended that awful relationship and tried to completely forget about him and to tell myself I deserve better. After 4 months he searched for me again.

I refused his but I was deeply surprised and dissappointed because I fell again for him after his first messages. I can’t believe I am so stupid and weak and I don’t know how can I stop my heart from wanting him. I am both hurted by my feelings for him that I can’t deny and by “why do I have these feelings?!?”.

Please give me some pieces of advice. Thank you!

You have low self esteem feelings and you feel that this rich guy who is a jerk is all you deserve.

What you need to do is give yourself self respect and know your self worth. You don't deserve to be bullied and downgraded by anyone. You deserve to be treated with respect by a decent human being. Those are the words you need to ingrain into your brain for life.

Never fall into the tricks of gaslighters either. Google the word "gaslighting." Know that psychological warfare and get out of it immediately.

Don't allow any man to have power over you. He is using his power, his money and status to control you. Know that no one will have control over you and you have a voice.

It's better to be alone than feel lonely with a man who abuses and oppresses you. Break free of this jerk and become a strong woman. The right man will be attracted to a strong, assertive woman who knows the value of mutual respect and honorable behavior. Change the way you think. Think straight and clearly. Then it will all make logical sense to you.

You're desperately wanting him to accept you and give you some kind of validation that you're good or okay. You need to stop wanting/needing that so badly.

He doesn't love you, he knows you're weak and wants to prey on your vulnerabilities.

What do you love about him? The fact that he thinks you're beneath him? The fact that he can talk down to you and put you down and will never see you as an equal?

The fact that he thinks you're small minded and not as worldy or intelligent as him?

He's a total jerk. You need to raise your standards and find a man who is kind, gentle, accepting and doesn't place worth or value on people according to their bank account or passport.

This man will only hurt you more and more...and I am sure you know that.

Block and delete this guy so he cant contact you. Ever.

Block and delete. This will solve your problem.

Are you in your opinion immature with a small horizon?

You say it as though it is your opinion and not his?

What have you done in 4 months with your new founded obsession to travel?

Have you booked a trip! If not why not?

Both his opinion and my opinion.

He accused me of being immature and having a small horison and I am not sure if I believe the same because of his words or because this is the reality: the fact that i was acting crazy-desperate about him and always bringing fights about his lack of attention and also the fact that i never travelled outside my country due to my financial status, make me believe he was right.

I couldn’t travel during these 4 months, cause I had no money and no time(busy year in university).

It sounds like you are incompatible on may levels. Financially, maturity, lifestyle, life stage and relationship and communication needs. It will be frustrating if you continue. Consider dating guys who you have more in common with, you'll be a lot happier.