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Thread: Haven't heard from her in almost a week, think I accidentally creeped her out...

  1. #1
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    Haven't heard from her in almost a week, think I accidentally creeped her out...

    So I started talking to this woman on the dating app Hinge, I've had success with this app in the past and I recommend it. Anyway, we talked for about a week on the app and then I asked if she was cool exchanging numbers so we could talk through text or phonecall. She was cool with that and said she was about to ask me the same question. She doesn't use data while at work so using the app to talk wasn't great.

    So we start talking, about 3 weeks ago, and everything's going great, she's laughing at all my jokes, sending good morning texts, we have a good amount in common etc. all the good signs. It doesn't take me long before I ask if she wants to go out and she agrees right away. We made plans for last Friday but they were tentative because she was working a night shift the night before, so I had no problem postponing if she was too tired. That ended up happening so we planned the date for this past Sunday instead.

    Everything was cool, but then I got a late text, around 2am Sunday morning saying that she just got home and had spent all evening in the ER with her grandma, as she just suffered a stroke (we both work in the same medical field by the way). So of course I have no problem postponing again as she mentioned that she had already called in sick to work the next day and was intending on spending that time with her family, she though she was the worst for having to postpone again.

    This is the exact message I sent her in reply:

    "Don't think you're the world's worst person, it's okay, hope your nana's alright, I know how serious strokes can be, done my fair share of code strokes and I've worked on the Stroke Rehab floor many times, at least it was only a mini stroke.

    We can absolutely reschedule, don't sweat it, you've had a crazy day. You let me know when you wanna go out and I'll make it happen.

    Hope you had a good sleep if you could get any at all, also here if you wanna vent or keep your mind off things a little bit, that's cool too."

    Since then, I haven't heard a single thing from her. Now I suspect that it was because she saw that I viewed her Instagram profile (she would know I viewed it because I looked at her stories). I always check Instagram/Facebook before meeting someone to hopefully prevent catfishing/extortion which I've dealt with in the past. I even sent her a text explaining that I check social media before meeting and I use it solely for my own protection and invited her to do the same. Also mentioned that I tell my friends to do the same before meeting someone, both male and female friends. Maybe it's because my Instagram profile doesn't have any pictures except for my profile pic (I use it to follow a few people) and I'm not big into social media myself. As I said, I use it for protection but I can see how it would be hard to view mine and not be nervous because I don't post much at all.

    I messaged her one last time on the Hinge app, because I knew she would get the message, not sure if she already blocked me on her phone. In the message I apologized if I said anything that bothered her or weirded her out by viewing her profile and again stated that I do it to protect myself. Then told her that I hoped she was having a good week and that her grandma was okay and said that I felt like an ass. I then finished it by telling her all the best and left it at that. That was on Tuesday of this week.

    I know she's seen the message because she's been active on the app but she hasn't removed/blocked me, so I'm getting mixed signals. I'm not new to the online dating game but this one just confuses me. I have been talking to a bunch of other girls online since I started dating again about a month ago and have been out with one a few times already. It just sucks because I felt a real connection with this girl and I feel like if I had gotten the chance to actually take her out, this wouldn't even be an issue.

    If you guys have any opinion on how I should proceed, any thoughts are appreciated. I don't know if trying to call her would just bother her even more or if I should just play the waiting game.

    Sorry for the wall of text lol, wanted to get all the details down.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    The extra lines about the stroke are absolutely unnecessary. Both condescending since you work in the same industry and honestly dismissive of what her grandma is going through (at least it was only...)

    Also!

    Isnít it possible she doesnít want to date right now?í Her grandma HAD A STROKE.

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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    The extra lines about the stroke are absolutely unnecessary. Both condescending since you work in the same industry and honestly dismissive of what her grandma is going through (at least it was only...)

    Also!

    Isnít it possible she doesnít want to date right now?í Her grandma HAD A STROKE.
    I agree in hindsight that it wasn't necessary to mention the extra lines about the stroke. Although she doesn't work in the stroke unit and I was only saying that at least it was only a mini stroke to help ease some stress because a mini stroke usually leads to a full recovery, unlike a full blown stroke.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JBlanc101
    I agree in hindsight that it wasn't necessary to mention the extra lines about the stroke. Although she doesn't work in the stroke unit and I was only saying that at least it was only a mini stroke to help ease some stress because a mini stroke usually leads to a full recovery, unlike a full blown stroke.
    Or maybe sheís just annoyed by your mansplaining. Iím not a doctor or any medical professional... obviously a mini stroke is better than a full blown one...

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  6. #5
    Squeaky23's Avatar
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    It could just be that she has a lot going on right now and doesn't know really where he head is at. I think maybe give it another week or so and just message her asking her if everything is ok and that you hope her gran is okay and if she needs to talk she knows where you are.

    You don't really know what she is thinking and it could quite simply be that she doesn't either because she has a great deal on her mind?

  7. #6
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    No need to speculate, you never met irl. You have simply been ghosted. I believe real connections happen in the reality, once you have met, before then these are just words on a screen.

    Good for you for continuing to move on and date other people. I would suggest to leave this lady alone

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    A full three weeks went by before you approached the topic of meeting...too long.

    Then we run into this frenzy of work and family crisis, and I don't know how involved she is, but she may be off the grid for dating for now.

    Leave it be.

    My only suggestion would be to solidify a date within the first week...don't leave this dangling for a full month.

    No meet, no text.

    I would probably refrain from announcing your background checks and stalking practices. It's better you put it all out there in all honesty how you operate, but the fact that you have this paranoid aura turns me off to wanting to pursue anything further with you. Judgement, criticism, probing, stalking, lurching...total turn-off...run away...run Forest, run!

    Maybe she'll circle back around once the drama settles into some routine and she decides whether or not she wants to deal with a probing, untrusting, stalkery, creep-o.

    Here's a hint: You don't always have to say out loud everything that you're thinking. If you feel the need to image search her or look up her social media, is this something that needs to be said? I find your announcement jealous, judgmental, critical, lack of trust and lack of judgement, and taking on a toddler who requires a high level of soothing, justifying, self-protection, and a big ball of work that I don't plan to take on...I raised my babies. I have aging parents, a job, and bills I have to contend with...I absolutely will not deal with the likes of you and your insecurities.

    Maybe she'll circle back around when her life slows down. Maybe she has fully nexted you because you're creepy. Let sleeping dogs lie for the time being.

  9. #8
    Member lolap's Avatar
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    I've had a somewhat similar situation happen. Was chatting with a guy that seemed very nice and we agreed to meet up. That didn't happen (random circumstances), but he kept texting me, and that was fine in the beginning, but became a little too much pretty soon. He texted me as if he knew me, and I felt uncomfortable with that. Perhaps, it has to do with expectations and the fact that he gave a lot of himself too soon to someone he doesn't even know. I decided to not meet up with him, when he asked me out again, I let him know.

    It is possible that something in your dynamic changed her mind about you two meeting up.

    It's also possible that she is more focused on her grandma now than dating guys, but you mentioned that she was active on the app, so that's probably not the case.

    And one more note from me: your Instagram stalking is not as creepy (everybody does that) as you explaining it over and over again, as if you have something to hide. Add to that the lack of pictures on your Insta and it becomes real creepy real fast. I think it would turn me off. Maybe keep your Insta up to date, otherwise your "protecting" yourself looks predatory.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    OP, I think what you said in the text was not creepy. I actually liked it and thought it was very sensitive. Granted I'm not in the medical industry so maybe it would be different if I was.

    However...I have to agree with the above. That's a good point...you checking out others' IG accounts while having no pics up yourself (besides your profile pic) could be a turnoff. I also noticed that you repeated yourself about protecting yourself and it did jump out to me as odd.

    Unless there's something else during your communications that are funky, that would be my guess as to why she ghosted you.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry it turned out this way. In general if someone is just text/calling and keeps delaying meeting it's not a good sign. Another red flag is all the lateral moves (messages to texts to social media then back to apps, etc) and daily chitchat and jokes with no mention of meeting.

    Weeks on end of texts and jokes does not compare to having a face to face meeting with a guy who is interested enough ask to them to meet in person.

    Instead of just "talking to girls online" you need to ask them to meet within a few message exchanges. That will rule out some of the time-wasters and marginally interested ones. This way you don't invest energy in a phantom you've never met. Keep in mind at this stage people are messaging and meeting others.

    Leave this other one be. Whether her excuses/reasons are true or not doesn't matter. She's not contacting you or responding to your contact.
    Originally Posted by JBlanc101
    we talked for about a week on the app and then I asked if she was cool exchanging numbers so we could talk through text or phonecall.
    So we start talking, about 3 weeks ago, and everything's going great, she's laughing at all my jokes, sending good morning texts, we have a good amount in common etc.

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