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Thread: Haven't heard from her in almost a week, think I accidentally creeped her out...

  1. #21
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    I would not tell people you are checking their social media. If they have a public profile, they are fine with people looking at it.
    I would have made the first date just a quick coffee or lunch or grabbing a bagel because then someone doesn't expect that its a big production or they have to be well rested or block out the whole evening. if she works in a hospital, there surely is a coffee shop or cafe. And if they don't like you, its just coffee or lunch. And they can go home and sleep right after - no biggie.

    Anyhow i think its the luck of the draw - besides announcing the social media stalking, i would communicate with others to find someone who wants to meet and seems interesting to you. I think you should have stopped communication after she told you about her Grandma, and in 2 weeks after that, if you wanted to, just send her a short note hoping her grandma was okay -- no conversation in the meantime to further the dating.

    At this point, its in her court to contact you. I would keep looking to meet someone else in the meantime or just in case she never texts back-----------------------------

  2. #22
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    Though I'd let you guys know what I sent her the other night, here it is:

    "So I had a crazy slow night at work and had some time to go over the last bit of our conversation and think about where I screwed up. I just wanna say I'm sorry if I came across the wrong way when I mentioned "at least your grandma only had a mini stroke". It makes me sound like such an ***hole and I really didn't mean it that way. One reason I dislike texting sometimes and prefer talking on the phone, you can hear the person's inflection and personality and you can avoid misunderstandings.

    I've honestly felt guilty most of the week as dumb as that sounds. I really enjoyed talking with you and you seem like an awesome person, honestly looked forward to going out with you and potentially getting to know you if we clicked. I wanted to text you about GoT a few times but I knew it wasn't the right thing to do.

    I'm still down to go out at some point, not sure how hyped you are about John Wick 3 but I can't wait, I'd be down to grab some food and take you to see it, I'm buying. When and where is up to you, long as we're both free. Keanu's no Nic Cage, but he's also a known vampire, so they have that in common.

    Trust me, I completely understand if you don't wanna go out though. Just wanted to let you know what I was thinking.

    I know you're going through a lot right now with your grandma and I really do hope her recovery is going great. Would be nice if work hasn't been too insane for you as well."

    I know it's long, but I wanted to let her know exactly what I was thinking. The jokes probably weren't necessary but I figured why not try to make her laugh. Figured I had nothing to lose either way. I actually feel pretty ****ty about this, I never stoop to this level, always just let things slide and don't care, but like I said, I was really into this girl. I've already taken this as a lesson. Won't be doing this again in the future.
    Last edited by SimplyScience10; 05-13-2019 at 04:37 PM.

  3. #23
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    WOW. You really sent that? Maybe i am wrong, but if i received something like that, I would run. I would not contact you again.
    You knew her Grandma was in the hospital. You expressed your concern. The ball was in her court.
    Like i said, if you really wanted to contact her again - i would wait several weeks and just say "i hope your grandma is doing well" and if she responds great if not- no biggie.
    BUT THAT SHIP HAS SAILED. DO NOT DO THAT NOW>
    All of this reiterating of what you already said before would make me wonder if you would not respect my boundaries or you are desperate.
    I mean, after all, you have not even met her yet. You can't be 'really into her'. When you communicate just online or a phone call - that's research to find out if you can hold a conversation with them, etc. to find out how they are on a date. You are overly invested in a woman you have never met.
    Its uncomfortable to know someone you haven't met is so invested in you going out with them -- scary really.
    When someone is a healthy dater, they are open to communicating with others until they actually go on a date with someone. you should be trying to meet other women and if she comes back on the radar - great.

    Please never send her another note. I wish that you were able to unsend it.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    WOW. You really sent that? Maybe i am wrong, but if i received something like that, I would run. I would not contact you again.
    You knew her Grandma was in the hospital. You expressed your concern. The ball was in her court.
    Like i said, if you really wanted to contact her again - i would wait several weeks and just say "i hope your grandma is doing well" and if she responds great if not- no biggie.
    BUT THAT SHIP HAS SAILED. DO NOT DO THAT NOW>
    All of this reiterating of what you already said before would make me wonder if you would not respect my boundaries or you are desperate.
    I mean, after all, you have not even met her yet. You can't be 'really into her'. When you communicate just online or a phone call - that's research to find out if you can hold a conversation with them, etc. to find out how they are on a date. You are overly invested in a woman you have never met.
    Its uncomfortable to know someone you haven't met is so invested in you going out with them -- scary really.
    When someone is a healthy dater, they are open to communicating with others until they actually go on a date with someone. you should be trying to meet other women and if she comes back on the radar - great.

    Please never send her another note. I wish that you were able to unsend it.
    I agree; I think your text was a bit overbearing, personally. Going in depth about the date was not needed and it was not the time to bring it up; it makes you sound a bit overeager. I also agree with abitbroken about how the message should have just been "hi hope your grandma is doing well."

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  6. #25
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    Trust me I know it was and I won't be making that mistake again, once is enough for me. Never done this before in all my previous relationships and dating experiences but then again, this is probably the first time I've been ghosted, so it's my ego talking. Thanks for the responding guys.
    Last edited by SimplyScience10; 05-13-2019 at 06:48 PM.

  7. #26
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    Making her aware that I checked out her Instagram was where it went downhill. This desperation and awkwardness was just me attempting to claw my way back up the mountain so to speak.
    Last edited by SimplyScience10; 05-13-2019 at 07:43 PM.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by JBlanc101
    Trust me I know it was and I won't be making that mistake again, once is enough for me. Never done this before in all my previous relationships and dating experiences but then again, this is probably the first time I've been ghosted, so it's my ego talking. Thanks for the responding guys.
    She did *not* ghost you. She cancelled the date because her Grandma was in the hospital. That's cancelling, not ghosting. a guy that she has not met is way down the list in this circumstance.

    Ghosting is if you actually met, went on a few dates, she verbally agreed to see you again and then never returned another call or text and never called. That's ghosting.

    If you act based on your ego, you will not be successful. When a date with someone does not come together, say NEXT in your mind -- if they end up contacting you later, deal with it then, but keep moving forward and go on coffee/lunches/ice creams for quick meets with women until you meet someone you want to get to an actual date with.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by JBlanc101
    Making her aware that I checked out her Instagram was where it went downhill. This desperation and awkwardness was just me attempting to claw my way back up the mountain so to speak.
    There was no mountain to climb back up on. She had a family emergency. Anything else besides family and her job were on pause for her. Sometimes timing is just bad.

  10. #29
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    True, that could come off as obsessed stalker. Next time message a few times, set up an in person meet. Make sure you are not being scammed or lured into a crime scene next time. Meet for a brief coffee in a public place. If you want to do some homework and check things out on social media, keep it for your own info.
    Originally Posted by JBlanc101
    Making her aware that I checked out her Instagram was where it went downhill.

  11. #30
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    That message was cringe and I assume your others were too hence her cancellations, which were all lies because your cringy / needy / beta messages ran her off.

  12. 05-21-2019, 07:14 PM

  13. 05-21-2019, 07:38 PM
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    Refers to deleted post.

  14. 05-21-2019, 07:48 PM

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