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Thread: Why am i always angry at my boyfriend?

  1. #1

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    Why am i always angry at my boyfriend?

    I'm a very sensitive person and my boyfriend isn't. I feel like I get irritated over very small things. For example, only recently we were at a friend's house and he started talking about how he once owned cats and hated them (seems innocent right?).. then the topic went to what its like playing video games with your partner, in a general sense. These seem like innocent topics right? but I knew he was referring to the relationship with his ex-wife (actually he may have been talking about playing video games with friends im not even sure. My brain just jumped to this conclusion)
    This is a big trigger for me because this women from his past has brought a lot of tension and hurdles in this relationship, including him not wanting marriage or wanting a family with me, not wanting pets with me, or buying a house with me, feeling 'done' with attachment . We've had LOTS of conversations about this and we HAVE come a long way. He's said that marriage might be on the cards but it would have to be something small and not expensive. We've talked about one day having a house and family together.

    But even though we've made progress I still can't help but feel so much resentment and anger when these very small things come up. - or maybe they don't come up.. I just get so paranoid that I make them up. Just recently he made a joke about the speech at our wedding. He said he'd start with 'welcome back'. That broke my heart. He obviously doesn't find all this very special yet I do. At least I want it to feels special. I thought he was 'the one' on our second date

    I'm always angry. Like today I made an excuse for him to not come along to a family dinner because we're going out tomorrow too and I know he's been working a lot. But then I felt irritated when he happily took it and didn't appear to want to come or make an effort. So he went to drink at a mates house. Why would I be angry at him when I said he didn't have to come? Is it because I knew deep down he probably didn't want to anyways?

    Why do I get angry when he's always at work and doesn't quit his second job so we can spend more time together? I understand he needs the money?
    Why do i get angry when the nights we do have together he decides to just drink a HEAP, and stay up late. He then wakes me up before snoring so loudly that I can't sleep so i have to sleep on the couch?. Then im tired and irritated the whole next day at work

    It's very draining.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. It sounds like a frustrating dance of one step forward two steps back. This isn't about 'being sensitive", it's about being in a bad relationship with an angry guy who has a chip on his shoulder, is not committed to you, in addition to having vastly incompatible goals. It may be best to cut your losses rather waste your life away hoping he comes around.
    Originally Posted by Zarasara
    including him not wanting marriage or wanting a family with me, not wanting pets with me, or buying a house with me, feeling 'done' with attachment . It's very draining.

  3. #3
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    He sounds funny to me!
    The welcome back comment made me laugh so much!!! He can make light of situations which you clearly struggle to.

    He actually is a good guy and takes commitment seriously I feel.
    His comment ďwelcome backĒ is actually him thinking he would never be there saying it again. Because when he got married he meant it.

    He is a keeper and you need to respect the fact that he got burnt standing up telling all his friends and family that he was going to stay by this womenís side for better or for worse. It didnít happen.

    You are ignoring his feelings and if you actually want to marry him, then you need to accept his past and have a simple registry marriage.
    If you want the bells and whistles , this is not your guy.

    Can you give me his number? If you donít want him? Lol

  4. #4
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    You get angry because you realized that you are not in relationship with him, but you are rather in relationship with what you want him to be.

    He's been honest with you about not wanting to remarry and all of this other stuff too, why do you think you can/should change his mind about that?

    Oh and welcome back thing, that's quite funny and something he probably doesnt look at the way you look at it.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
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    Zarasara, you're getting jerked around.

    Anytime someone blames an ex (or another person) for their own disposition, stop what you're doing and run the other way. That is someone who doesn't take responsibility.

    Furthermore, he is self-centered and insensitive to your feelings.

    You are angry because you are stifling your own feeling to support his. Stop putting yourself second to him!

    If he doesn't perform up to snuff, next him. Stop torturing yourself.

    Don't cling to a romantic whim you had on your second date and ignore what's happening right in front of your face.

    You can't change people.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Zarasara, you're getting jerked around.

    Anytime someone blames an ex (or another person) for their own disposition, stop what you're doing and run the other way. That is someone who doesn't take responsibility.

    Furthermore, he is self-centered and insensitive to your feelings.

    You are angry because you are stifling your own feeling to support his. Stop putting yourself second to him!

    If he doesn't perform up to snuff, next him. Stop torturing yourself.

    Don't cling to a romantic whim you had on your second date and ignore what's happening right in front of your face.

    You can't change people.
    He hasnít blamed an ex for anything at least his current gf the op hasnít said so.

    What in her post makes you decide he is self centred and insensitive to her feelings???
    I see the opposite.

    He is happy to marry her, he is not happy to have a big wedding with the big vows that he already did! Why? Because he got burnt.
    He stood in front of his family and friends and said ďtill death do us partĒ
    He is embarrassed that he said that and death didnít part them.
    He is not going to do it again , because despite his intentions , he is not a fool.

    Op , do you want a white wedding or do you want to spend your life with this guy?
    Choose now so you donít waste his time.

  8. #7
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    He hasnít blamed an ex for anything at least his current gf the op hasnít said so.

    What in her post makes you decide he is self centred and insensitive to her feelings???
    I see the opposite.

    He is happy to marry her, he is not happy to have a big wedding with the big vows that he already did! Why? Because he got burnt.
    He stood in front of his family and friends and said ďtill death do us partĒ
    He is embarrassed that he said that and death didnít part them.
    He is not going to do it again , because despite his intentions , he is not a fool.
    I'm not interested in arguing with you.

    Everybody here has a right to post their opinion.

    Quit pestering me.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Zarasara

    I'm a very sensitive person and my boyfriend isn't. I feel like I get irritated over very small things. For example, only recently we were at a friend's house and he started talking about how he once owned cats and hated them (seems innocent right?).. then the topic went to what its like playing video games with your partner, in a general sense. These seem like innocent topics right?

    but I knew he was referring to the relationship with his ex-wife (actually he may have been talking about playing video games with friends im not even sure. My brain just jumped to this conclusion)

    This is a big trigger for me because this women from his past has brought a lot of tension and hurdles in this relationship, including him not wanting marriage or wanting a family with me, not wanting pets with me, or buying a house with me, feeling 'done' with attachment.

    I agree he's quite insensitive but doesn't sound like it's intentional to hurt you, more so due to sheer ignorance (cluelessness), and his comment "welcome back," um, just no; any reference to his first wedding and how that marriage didn't work, at his second wedding, disguised as a joke or otherwise, is completely inappropriate, and not funny, imo.

    Anyway, I'm not going to lambast the guy, this is his general nature, which appears to be diametrically opposed to yours.

    Which begs the question, re the bolded quote above, given all that, why in the world did you choose to continue dating him ?

    Attempting to fit a very round head into a very square hole?

    I presume you were aware of these issues w his ex from early on, how those issues made you feel and how they would negatively impact your relationship, so why continue on? Can you clarify your thought process about that?

    I could see your trying to work it out if such issues popped up after you'd been together a long time, love, trust and commitment had already been established.

    But it sounds like you were aware early in; this early stage (imo first six months) is the time during which you observe and evaluate whether or not a man is the right fit for you long term.

    It's definitely not the time to be bending over backwards trying to fit your round peg into his square hole and trying to "work it out."

    There are plenty of other men, no need to settle for such a blatant display of incompatibility.

    My advice is to just leave. Wish him well and say goodbye.

    Heal and learn from this, always remembering a good relationship should never be forced.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-11-2019 at 10:55 AM.

  10. #9
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    You are anrgy at the small things because, deep-down, you are not happy being in a relationship with someone who doesn't share your ultimate goals.

    It seems pretty clear that you feel second-place to his ex-wife (or previous partners) and are resentful he doesn't want to go down the same committed road with you. So anything he does that you perceive as taking more time for himself and less time for you triggers you.

    I think it's time you really take a step back and ask yourself if this is the right man for you. You want vastly different things.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    "This is a big trigger for me because this women from his past has brought a lot of tension and hurdles in this relationship, including him not wanting marriage or wanting a family with me, not wanting pets with me, or buying a house with me, feeling 'done' with attachment . We've had LOTS of conversations about this and we HAVE come a long way. He's said that marriage might be on the cards but it would have to be something small and not expensive"

    Don't blame his ex. You love him and don't want to blame him, but he's the one holding onto useless emotional baggage. It takes work to get rid of, but a person shouldn't be dating until that's achieved. My husband was cheated on in the 2 main relationships he'd had. He took a break from dating for several years before he met me. I didn't see any evidence that he would assume I'd cheat too. He told me I wasn't them and he trusted me.

    A relationship isn't about having to chip away at someone's barriers to get what you want. He is an extremely high risk to your heart. He doesn't share any of your major life goals, and the main word that comes out of his mouth is "might."

    When you're upset more often than satisfied, it means the relationship is wrong for you. Free yourself so that you can eventually meet a man who wants the same things as you.

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