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Thread: First relationship ended

  1. #1
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    First relationship ended

    Hi, would like some advice on what I should do from people who don't know me.

    Anyways, my girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago out of the blue after 1.5 years. She broke down in tears saying her feelings have changed, not ready to settle down and lets break but don't wait for me, and there isn't anyone else.

    We never argued/fell out, I treated her like no one else ever did, not sure what I did wrong.

    I'm I right in thinking she still cares about me with her bursting into tears? Currently doing the no contact rule, should I reach out to her in future or wait and hope she contacts me

  2. #2
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    After 1.5 years of course she cares about you and feels bad to hurt you.
    But while she cares and is upset about hurting you , she is not in love with you. Thatís why she is ending it and did it with respect.

    It wasnít out of the blue for her. She would have been thinking about it for at least a couple of months.
    She is very clear about her decision hence the tears .

    Itís over. I am sorry. It hurts I know!

    Look after yourself, surround yourself with friends, but please do not cling on to false hope.
    Good luck! Everyone has been there and in time you will probably realise the relationship wasnít the best (at least you will in hindsight when you meet another. )

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Do you think she met someone? What has been different lately? Yes, give her space and do not reach out.

  4. #4
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    She said there's nobody else. I sort of made a mistake, I like spending money on her which she told me not to, but I ended up buying us an experience with meerkats thing, which she wasn't happy knowing my current financial situation

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    "She said there's nobody else. I sort of made a mistake, I like spending money on her which she told me not to, but I ended up buying us an experience with meerkats thing, which she wasn't happy knowing my current financial situation"

    Having a partner who is financially stable is a must-have for many women. At least you know one thing you can work on moving forward for better success in a future relationship.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by SteS
    I'm I right in thinking she still cares about me with her bursting into tears? Currently doing the no contact rule, should I reach out to her in future or wait and hope she contacts me
    Well, yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean she has regrets about ending it. I have also shed tears when ending a relationship, because I felt awful knowing I was hurting the guy and it was a very unpleasant thing to have to do. Some dumpees make the mistake of assuming the tears mean the dumper is having doubts, but that is not always true.

    You mention this is your first relationship, so I am curious how old both of you are. Her age may well factor into this, meaning she truly doesn't feel ready to commit so seriously yet. She wants to be single and free more than she wants to be with you, unfortunately. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Sometimes relationships really do run their course - especially when the parties involved are still on the young side and figuring out who they are.

    I wouldn't reach out to her, nor would I advise you wait and hope that she contacts you. This will be the hard part, learning a new "normal" without her. It will be tough to resist at first, but it does generally get easier as time passes. A better match is out there for you, when you're ready to meet her.

  8. #7
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    Thanks for that reply, I'm 33 and this is my first long term relationship, she's 32 and I'm her 2nd longest.

    Is it best to start casually dating straight away? Don't think I'm ready to start another long term relationship just yet, but then again time isn't on my side

  9. #8
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    No take your time. Look after yourself.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by SteS
    Is it best to start casually dating straight away? Don't think I'm ready to start another long term relationship just yet, but then again time isn't on my side
    No, it isn't.

    Let yourself heal first. Dating right now won't serve any purpose other than remind you of her and you will wind up comparing any new woman to her. It will be more painful than constructive right now. Give it some time first.

    I also wouldn't worry about time not being on your side. I am nearly 38 now, but I met my current partner around 4.5 years ago - when he was almost 48. We'd both had long-term relationships in the past, and had been single a while when we met. And I can honestly say it's the best relationship I've had yet. I am glad now I didn't dive into something with the wrong person, just so I didn't feel alone. It's worth taking time to recover and building yourself back up so you will be ready to meet a great woman.

  11. #10
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    Thanks for the replies, really appreciate it.

    Now a week has passed since she left, and she's been back in touch saying doesn't want to get back together, but still wants me in her life!?! Is that a polite way if saying friend with benefits, or keeping me as a backup?? I was starting piece things back together, and now this

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