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Advice needed please.


kindred1990

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So i am going into my third year of spliting my life into a 50/50 every week. Half the week I'm home and with my wife and 1 year old. The other half I'm 2 hours away with my 2 older daughters from my ex. I had to get a home where my ex lives in order to share custody due to the fact she couldnt afford to relocate since she didnt work. So my lease is coming up on its expiration. I had court on may 9th and my ex was served court papers and she didnt show up to court.

 

I saved 3 years worth of police reports of her breaking court orders. I've had the police approach her when she wouldnt contact me back on my court ordered days. She would still refuse me my time with my kids after the cop would present her the court order.

 

So the judge had me wait all day in court to see if she would arrive late. As I'm the last person in court he tells me i have to reschedule and they will mail her a notice. Hes the same judge we had last time and he remembered me and the sacrifice i made to move.

 

So my ex never showed up to court and i go back may 30th. So should I have my lawyer come back to court with me or should I let the judge make his own judgements? I dont know how i should feel about him making me come back.

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You chose to move 2 hrs away from your daughters , why? Obviously you lived there with your ex and daughters and was your choice to set up home elsewhere?

No judge will care about the fact that you choose to live 2 hrs away.

Why should they? If you want to see your kids and have regular contact then live in the area.

 

What “sacrifice” did you make to move that the judge might remember?

Do you really consider moving to be near your kids (it sounds like you moved away from them in the first instance) to be a sacrifice???

 

Yep I think you need a lawyer present!!

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So the the sacrifice i made was to cut time with my wife and daughter. Having to pay bills in 2 locations. Having to explain to my kids why they live like crap in one location versus having their own room and a fridge full of food.

 

Multiple times I've had the police arrive at her home and serve her the court order and she still refused to let me have them on my days. Also she recently committed tax fraud by giving away our kids tax info which i got proof from the irs now and had to fix it myself and now have to show the judge.

 

An i didnt move away she decided to move with her grandmother once she decided not quit her job and not work anymore.

 

So i dont know what to think about the judge saying come back in 3 weeks to me versus just giving me what i asked for. He gave 3 women no issue when theres kids fathers didnt show up but told me to come back when my ex didnt come to court.

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You are seriously neglecting your current relationship and child. You are way too involved in a war with your ex. This serves no one, especially any of your kids. Your hatred is outweighing your love at this point. It's astounding your wife tolerates this insanity.

So i am going into my third year of spliting my life into a 50/50 every week. Half the week I'm home and with my wife and 1 year old.
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You are seriously neglecting your current relationship and child. You are way too involved in a war with your ex. This serves no one, especially any of your kids. Your hatred is outweighing your love at this point. It's astounding your wife tolerates this insanity.
Well i cant ruin my relationship with my kids with my ex either. And my wife is the one who pushed me to make sure my kids with have me in their life. An if i dont have my kids at least half the time then they wouldnt have dental and medical appointments. She won't even come to court so you expect her to take my kids to appointments.

 

So I'll take it i should have my lawyer rejoin me in court.

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So the the sacrifice i made was to cut time with my wife and daughter. Having to pay bills in 2 locations. Having to explain to my kids why they live like crap in one location versus having their own room and a fridge full of food.

 

Multiple times I've had the police arrive at her home and serve her the court order and she still refused to let me have them on my days. Also she recently committed tax fraud by giving away our kids tax info which i got proof from the irs now and had to fix it myself and now have to show the judge.

 

An i didnt move away she decided to move with her grandmother once she decided not quit her job and not work anymore.

 

So i dont know what to think about the judge saying come back in 3 weeks to me versus just giving me what i asked for. He gave 3 women no issue when theres kids fathers didnt show up but told me to come back when my ex didnt come to court.

 

Did she decide to quit her job or was it in your children’s best interest?

What did the initial court custody rule? Did you fight for full custody? If not why not? What were you happy to settle with?

 

How old are all your children?

 

Did you start the relationship with your current wife before or after your daughters lived 2 hrs away?

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No she just randomly quit her job which was a good job. The court ruling we have in effect right now is she gets them monday, tuesday and wednesday. I get them thursday, friday and sayurdays. We rotate sundays and holidays. An i had to be willing to relocate or i would get less custody. So since she cant afford to move, the judge asked me since im the financial parent if i was willing to move. They couldnt strip her of custody without manor damage on her behalf. An i met my wife 3 years after me and my ex seperated. Our kids are 6 & 8. They will be 7 & 9 this year.

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She literally is on welfare an i asked the judge as one of my request to remove my kids off welfare and let me support them an i dont want child support. I work monday, tuesday and wednesdays an every other sunday while she has them. I work 12 hour shifts and get paid good working in an emergency room.

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She literally is on welfare an i asked the judge as one of my request to remove my kids off welfare and let me support them an i dont want child support. I work monday, tuesday and wednesdays an every other sunday while she has them. I work 12 hour shifts and get paid good working in an emergency room.

 

What did the judge say?

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Why don't you just start sending money for your kids with or without a formal court ordered child support amount? Why allow your kids and their mother to live in poverty while you "get paid good"? Something is really wrong with this picture. There is no law that states you can't help your kids financially and a judge doesn't decide if your kids are on welfare. They are on welfare because they live below the poverty level, do not have enough food or money and you do not provide child support or financial assistance. And this is because you opted for 50/50 custody to evade child support.

i asked the judge as one of my request to remove my kids off welfare and let me support them an i dont want child support.
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I actually pay money back to the county where she lives since shes on welfare. So dont ask why i dont send money. When i say i spoil my kids best believe i am honest. I pay medical bills, insurance, reimburse the welfare from her county, clothes, entertainment, anything my kids have out of my pocket. And they live in poverty on their mothers side like i said before becuase she refuses to work. But obviously you dont seem to comprehend that part.

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Oh also in the state we live in custody doesnt matter. If one parent makes a huge amount more than the other you'll still pay child support. Here you just cant collect child support and welfare. U can only collect one. So since she gets welfare my child supoort goes to the county not her.

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It sounds like you are trying to make the best of a very bad situation.

 

In this case I would definitely take your lawyer with you to court. It shouldn't be necessary since it appears she is neglecting the children and ignoring court orders but family court is full of people getting screwed.

 

I think you should ask for full custody (physical and legal) and offer that she gets visitation every other weekend with her picking them up from your house (or designated location in your town) Friday after school and you picking them up Sunday evening at 6pm. Explain it is in the best interest of the children to be in a healthy environment. Chances are she will not show up most times to get the kids so you will have them most of the time.

 

When you see the judge talk about what is best for the children not you. Be humble and flexible with solutions that don't look like you are just trying to avoid spending money. It sucks having to keep going back to court but hang in there and keep trying, sooner or later the judge has to do the right thing.

 

Lost

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