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Thread: Ending a Friendship

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Oooh, missed that she reached out. In that case, yes, you owe her a talk. Who knows....maybe she'll realize that what you're saying has value and she'll adjust her behavior accordingly?

    In my case of my recent 30-year friendship ending: I had decided to walk away years ago, and I told her what was wrong. She apologized and promised never to do it again, only.....to do it again, hence my recent ghosting.

    So, yes, give it one talk, see how you feel, and be observant.
    Don't blame you, there.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by MeganKnapp
    Edit- I havenít ghosted her, and that wasnít/isnít my plan. I havenít blocked her or anything and she wasnít reaching out to me either, until last night. We just werenít talking to one another, and it seemed like things were fading like Iíd hoped, but it looks like I was wrong. I know I have to confront her in some way, I just donít know how to go about it without hurting her, myself, or both of us.
    Just tell her how you feel. Put your big girl pants on. It is much better than disappearing, that is awful and speaks of poor character.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 05-11-2019 at 12:29 PM.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Just tell her how you feel. Put your big girl pants on. It is much better than disappearing, that is awful and speaks of poor character.
    Yes, I've been ghosted twice over the last few years by close friends and I really do not know why. And I reached out more than once, neutrally, in the hopes of getting a response. It hurts even though time heals of course. A short conversation that is big on diplomacy "sorry we haven't been in touch as much. I am fine and I realize that we've kind of grown apart" etc. You will cause her a lot more hurt by ignoring her in this way.

  4. #14
    I already said Iím not ghosting her.

    Thanks for the help.

    Bye.

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by MeganKnapp
    I already said Iím not ghosting her.

    Thanks for the help.

    Bye.
    I don't use "ghosting" -I mean don't ignore her by not responding and explaining what's going on.

  7. #16
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    It is not about ghosting, it is about trying to avoid a situation hoping it will go away. Everyone hopes uncomfortable situations will go away but they donít . We need to face them.

  8. #17
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Be honest and tell your friend the truth. Be diplomatic and respectful while you explain it to her. It will be a gentle forewarning that it is time for both of you to go your separate ways. Your friend will survive.

    I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I've had to cut friends loose and I had a cousin who cut me loose not because of me but because she had too many insurmountable personal problems with her husband. It's difficult to be rejected and at first I begged and pleaded my cousin to make it work to no avail. I despised estrangement after sharing our dear childhood together.

    However, I got over it and even better I became stronger and smarter. Certain relationships or friendships fail for a reason. When both parties are not on the same page with mutual respect, kindness and consideration it is bound to fail sooner or later. Another key factor is the way both of you think, write and speak. If you're both not on the same page when it comes to empathy, respect, consideration for the other, mutual, consistent kindness, reciprocation and honorable behavior, it will never work in a million years. You can't force it. Mutual respect and common decency is either there or missing to the point of disgusting. You'll know in your heart and mind when it is intolerable and time to call it quits permanently. You cease the friendship or relationship in order to save your sanity.

    I've noticed people with intense personal problems are difficult to get along with. They don't like it when you have a better life than they and eventually their claws come out. I've had to distance myself from a friend like this. Her husband is dying of cancer, her ailing elderly parents are burden to her, she has sole responsibility for 3 people who heavily depend on her around-the-clock, she has 2 dogs and she's depressed. Then she takes it out on me in a snide manner. I've taken her out to lunch, brought home cooked dinners to her doorstep and I burned out. I've since distanced myself from her. We're peaceful but I stay away. It happens. I can't take her snide comments and "misery loves company" mentality. As you can see, friendships sour due to life's circumstances. Fortunately, my friend and I are ok but we're not close anymore. She doesn't hound me either, thank goodness.

    Don't just cease contact with her. Give her the courtesy by letting her know it's over between you two. Break it to her gently and respectfully. If she continues to badger you, hound you, contact your boyfriend or displays relentless behavior, then block her. She will take the hint.

    There are advantages to breaking free of toxic, dysfunctional, mentally unstable people. Do it so you can live a normal, happy, peaceful life with the least amount of stress and angst.

    I avoid dramatic people like the plague. I was once in hero mode when I was younger. Now, I don't even bother. I'm too immersed into my own life and happiness. Change your outlook and you will be strong and confident.

  9. #18
    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Time to practise your boundary setting skills so!

    I have culled friends whenever I realise Iím not getting anything out of the friendship. No guilt!
    Friendship is actually a selfish thing! We are friends with people because of what we draw from them. And thatís ok.
    Thatís why we choose friends!

    Let it fade.
    Tell your bf to say you are great! And donít engage in further conversation.
    You just stop initiating contact and decline invites to meet or donít engage in text conversation.
    I think it's not totally true some friends are above then this. The regularly meet with each other for no reason send messages and many more. Checkout these friends quotes so that it might change your thinking.

  10. #19
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    Give her the same respect and honesty that you would want were the tables turned. Perhaps you don't need to totally end the friendship, but step back for a while? Simply tell her that you are taking some time to concentrate on yourself. That way, if the friendship is real, it will organically continue. If not, then perhaps it isn't meant to be.

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