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Thread: self compassion

  1. #1
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    self compassion

    I struggle a lot with self compassion, and I'm sure a lot of other people do as well. Its mainly due to a constant fear of becoming arrogant or conceited from too much self compassion (if that's how it even work lol).

    The problem is that every time i become upset/feel down and try to cheer myself up, I'll always think that someone somewhere has it worse than me, and that my problems and struggles are irrelevant and miniscule compared to theirs, and I stop myself. At this point, I have no clue at all how to practice self compassion. Sure, I'll stare into the mirror and tell myself "yes, you can do it" but those words just feel empty and repetitive.

    p.s. Should I go see a therapist? I've thought about it, but I feel like if I tried to go see one, I would be wasting precious time that could be well-spent on other patients that need more help than me.

  2. #2
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Maybe instead of telling yourself you can do it, practice telling yourself that YOU MATTER.

    Don't dismiss your feelings/emotions... doing this will only hurt your confidence and your self-esteem.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    See a therapist because professional help is better than amateur help.

    Change the way you think. Sure, be grateful and blessed because others have it worse off than you do but don't deny yourself happiness. You can be grateful and happy without becoming arrogant and conceited. You can still be grateful without feeling a sense of self entitlement.

    A lot of people have self compassion without arrogance and conceit toward themselves.

    Be grateful and count your blessings.

    Most of the time, the "yes, you can do it" comes from pure gut force no matter what people say. No one wants to take action for themselves and actually like it all the while. It comes from force and then you reap the rewards later. No pain no gain.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Compassion is compassion regardless of where it's expressed. I wouldn't start splicing things and over-complicating the idea. There's nothing unusual about putting things in perspective and thinking about your place in the world. It might be even better to make yourself useful and instead of fixating on yourself or becoming self-absorbed, start getting out there and helping others who need help. Engage in your community and learn to look at things from different perspectives. You'll confuse yourself a lot less.

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  6. #5
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    It seems to me that self compassion is not your struggle.
    Youíve got that!
    Your struggle is what to do next?
    There are plenty of therapists out there with empty appointments.
    Some people donít need therapy even if their issues seem to be on a bigger scale than yours, thatís because they have the coping skills that you donít.
    Sure, book an appointment, because at the end of the day YOU are struggling to cope. And thatís what a therapist is there for.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Being this depressed and worried about your appearance, weight, self-loathing, etc puts you in a very high-need category for therapy. Stop avoiding therapy and hiding from yourself.
    Originally Posted by yun
    Should I go see a therapist? I've thought about it, but I feel like if I tried to go see one, I would be wasting precious time that could be well-spent on other patients that need more help than me.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by yun
    I struggle a lot with self compassion, and I'm sure a lot of other people do as well. Its mainly due to a constant fear of becoming arrogant or conceited from too much self compassion (if that's how it even work lol).
    Nope, just the opposite. Self compassion builds the internal generosity of spirit necessary to offer others compassion that's actually useful to them. It's a learning and giving cycle where you teach yourself how to model for others how they can best treat themselves. It's your path to extending empathy rather than self consciousness.

    Which do you believe is more useful to anyone else?

    Empathy needs to be experienced in order to be learned, and it needs to be learned in order to be given. Anything less is just a self centered focus on appearances. So it's a decision: the compassion you practice toward yourself will either limit or expand your ability to help others to learn from you how they can do the same for themselves.

    Choose wisely. If you want help in doing this, consider that attending counseling supports that therapist's practice. So instead of robbing anyone else of a session, you're contributing to that therapist's ability to reach others even while you're learning how to help yourself.
    Last edited by catfeeder; 05-12-2019 at 11:58 AM.

  9. #8
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    You could see a therapist if you want. Therapists are good for anyone, but they might slap a label on you and give you meds because that's the only way they make money so I don't suggest it.

    Think of it this way. No one's got a better or worse life than anyone else. Everyone's walking around with the same homeostatic feelings that evolve by coping with the problems they do have.

    One person might recognize the beauty of flowers while the other person doesn't but that other person might get the same neurotransmitter sensation from doing something else. Just like a smoker doesn't feel any better or worse than a non smoker after his first three cigarettes and after he quits he doesn't feel any better or worse than he did while he was smoking except that he wants to smoke for several months before his nerves calm down.

    Changes get you high because a high is just the sensation of evolving to a changed stimuli.

    I met a pot smoker who said. Man I just can't get high enough. It was because he adapted to it. Just like if I have half a puff of weed I trip out for hours and make several life altering decisions at once.

    A person who is suicidal and gives up on all his hopes and dreams isn't feeling any better or worse than a married man whose got to make it through the next two hours at the office to bring in an extra $50.

    The only difference is that the suicidal person has compared himself to all other people and doesn't know what direction to go in. The suicidal person has a grandeous global view of what he thinks life should be like for all people while the married man has a focused one direction mission to feed his wife whose going to whisper sweet nothings in his ear tonight to make up for the coworker who tried to get him fired a few hours ago.

    Think of yourself as having the same neuro make up and sensational balance as everyone on the planet. Then your other compassion orientation will be your self compassion too.

    You seem to be torn between a world of starving Nigerians and teeny boppers. Know that both of them are alive and naturally have the same degree of up and down that you have. Because the brain can only sense a bit.

    Take a starving Nigerian and put her in an accepting American high school and give her chocolate cake every day. She'll appreciate it until she sees a yaught club. Take a trust fund kid who doesn't really need to ever work and throw him in Nigeria. He'll want to die but he'll be startled when he sees his first terrorist attack.

    Think of highs and lows like acceleration and deccelaration. You're just feeling the Gs and everyone's got the same amount of Gs to the same neurobiological capabilities. No matter whether you can handle their situation or not in you're current state of adaptation.

    The process of adapting can be too quick for the human brain to handle. So my trust fund Nigeria analogy is very extreme, but that seems to be the degree of the opposite directions your compassion is pulling you.


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