Why I’m faking my social media life/alcohol dependence for social life

Lately I’ve been struggling with my purpose and have been striking out with the few women I’ve asked out/went on dates with.

I’ve been focusing on social media and trying to show myself to be more of value. It’s almost to the point where I plan the end of my week to do things so I can show it on social media.

Like this weekend I want to go to the beach just so I can vlog it. It’s like I’m craving attention. The attention mostly from one girl. I need to get out more but I feel like I’m just gonna do it just so I can show it off.

This girl I met on vacation and I have been talking sorta. I want to meet up and she wants to too apparently but from her actions she’s not trying to at all. I set dates but she just doesn’t respond until I post something on social media usually of me/me drinking or selfies. I don’t want to fake my social media but I take pictures of potential hobby interest like surfing which I want to do but also because I think it would make me more cool. Is that wrong?

She thinks I’m a fun guy who does what I want. If she knew the truth she would completely uninterested. I only travel because of my job which I hate. I want to go to college but I’m afraid of being that broke college student in his 20s.

But I crave the attention from this girl/ other girls and I want to see her but she’s just to difficult. When it comes to girls I let them live and come to me. While I’m doing that with this girl while portraying my interest by trying to see her it just seems like it’s all me and not her. It’s straight in my face her low interest yet I’m still putting myself in the same spot. It feels like I’m doing everything to get her attention. Tho I don’t portray it at all. I give a lot of space but I always respond.

I want to have an idgaf attitude when it comes to rejection and people who aren’t into me. I’m just unhappy with my life. I want to be that genuine fun person who goes surfing and goes to the beach. While I do want to do these things at the end of the day I feel that need to post on social media.

Any advice on going out alone. I think I’m developing an addiction to alcohol a bit. I like drinking it makes me the person I want to be.

Going to college in the fall so I’m gonna have to make new friends but whenever I don’t drink I feel so nervous about speaking to people. When I drink I’m the complete opposite(not drunk only takes two/three beers to get that way) but that’s how it starts addiction right. Also my current friends kinda suck and we don’t have the same interest. They never wanna go out and do new things it’s always bowling and eating. Still afraid of going out alone to clubs tho it eases after I start drinking.

I feel like I need to let this girl go. At the same time I don’t want to ignore her or mess up potential plans to see her again. I always wait for her to text me. Depressing because I’m just waiting days for it. Until I post on social media. Scarcity mindset. It would cost 500-600$ just to meet up with this girl so it’s kinda a big deal to communicate. She’s just so freaking hot and I’m so attracted to her and her personality that it’s hard to ignore her. She may just be using me as attention or just has low interest. Plus I think to myself what would even come of us if we do meet. Me leaving and her going back to low contact while I fall for her more. Yikes! Need to develop that idc attitude.

Btw 6 months post break up with ex. Think about her everyday. Last week she was really on my mind a lot. Got through it tho. I miss that shared connection but not much me and hers connection.

Thank you.

I think you need some serious therapy to sort yourself out. You sound like a shallow 15 yr old girl who is doing things for attention and gets upset when she doesnt get the desired result. It's good you see you are doing these things but your dependence on social media and now alcohol are troubling. Especially the drinking.

Please get some help, this is no way to live your life. Also, leave that girl alone, she's not interested in you.

I think you need some serious therapy to sort yourself out. You sound like a shallow 15 yr old girl who is doing things for attention and gets upset when she doesnt get the desired result. It's good you see you are doing these things but your dependence on social media and now alcohol are troubling. Especially the drinking.

 

Please get some help, this is no way to live your life. Also, leave that girl alone, she's not interested in you.

That comparison is eye opening. Social media is such a huge role in today’s society. It’s like a game I’m trying to figure out how to play. I’m just gonna do the things I want to do. If I post something about it then it’s whatever.

Yeah she’s just not into me.

I think you are going thru a phase... that phase of trying to compensate for your loss/void by being "fun, active, interesting" on social media.

I would say stop caring about posting and looking fun. Take a long hiatus from social media and focus on real life.

Good luck with college! You will find more variation of people on campus.

That comparison is eye opening. Social media is such a huge role in today’s society. It’s like a game I’m trying to figure out how to play. I’m just gonna do the things I want to do. If I post something about it then it’s whatever.

 

Yeah she’s just not into me.

Social media can be big in your life if you let it. You dont have to follow what goes on on facebook etc. Take a long break, maybe go as far as to delete your account(s) and free yourself from having to be someone you arent for people you dont even know. Work on being you. College will probably be very good for you.

I think you've got the wrong idea. Social media is not actually a game. Sure, it's an outlet to show yourself off but if you're actually pretending and fabricating this "perfect life", that is fake. At the end of the day YOU know it's not real and it's not really your life.

A lot of people seem to think that to chase someone they're interested in, they have to "play the game". I actually don't believe in any of that. I think if someone is actually attracted to you and likes you, you won't have to play any games at all. I've been with my fiance for nearly two years and we did not have to play any games with each other at all and were very upfront about who we are. This is because we genuinely had a good connection and liked each other.

I think if someone is not into you, it really makes no difference what you put on social media. In fact you have a very good example of that right here because that is EXACTLY what is happening with the girl you're chasing. She doesn't want to meet you and nothing you've been doing on social media is not helping. That is because she's NOT interested. I think it's time you got the hint.

Sorry but you do sound shallow and immature. You are in your twenties, it's time to stop acting like a teenager. Why are you so obsessed with social media? You have a real life outside of that computer screen and maybe you should work on actually improving that life. And you're obsessing about this girl just because she's hot. I don't think you even really know her? So you're just crazy about her looks and not the real her, who she is as a person. Your behaviour overall is very shallow.

If you want girls to like you then you actually gotta talk to them, hang out with them and get to know them. Just by putting fake stuff on your social media, you are not building a connection with anyone at all. And even if some girls liked your posts (e.g. about surfing), that is all fake. So it's not you they like, but who you're pretending to be.

How about shutting down the social media and getting out and living your life. For real.

Going back to school is a smart investment for your future. It will give you more self worth and make your more confident.

I also suggest therapy. Your obsession with social media is sad and concerning.

Have you tried Meet ups, hiking or walking groups, surfing classes, volunteering, new hobbies, whatever?

Lastly, the girl does not sound interested, plus she lives in another state. You're only interested because she is hot. I do not have social media. I have a very active social life. Maybe, this is because i do not live my life through a screen.

I don't feel you're happy with yourself at all and that's most of your problem. With or without social media you'll find yourself developing unhealthy habits: drinking, other addictions, mixing with the wrong crowds, negative outlook on college, self-absorbed and not focused on the program/school and circling around continuously about how sad and worthless you are. I don't think this is a phase actually. I think you're really hurt and plagued by issues of self-worth and are having a difficult time comparing yourself to others around you - what they're doing, what other guys and gals are up to, how you appear to others because deep down, you don't look good to yourself.

In your other post (#3 down the thread), you called social media a 'game' you're trying to figure out how to play. What I really think you're trying to do is reinvent yourself because you're not happy with the way you are right now.

Until you expel those thoughts and break that cycle of negative thinking, you won't move past this unhappiness. If you're unhappy with the life you're living right now, you do have opportunities for change - think positive and let those opportunities in, make better decisions for yourself. Your relationship with social media (I'm specifically meaning your relationship WITH social media not with other people on social media) is, to me, just a magnifying glass into your mind and how you see yourself/what you really think of yourself deep down.

You need to get off those manosphere sites, they are for losers and the advice is for losers.

Ahhhh, the affects of rebounding...

I don’t think you have a social media problem. I think you have a hard headed, won’t listen to your own heart and mind problem.

You transferred all those feelings you had about your ex to this woman.... a hook up...because the pain subsided momentarily when you were with her so she’s now become salvation for you. Rebounding 101. She could be a box of cereal. you don’t love her, you’re not enamored by her. You like her and had you been in a healthy head space you would have enjoyed your vacation hook up for what it was. a vacation hook up, by insteas you’re trying to prove yourself worthy...to a vacation hook up...

Are you seeing a counselor yet? If not I think nows the time, in the meantime, no more dating or even hookups, you aren’t ready and that’s ok not everyone is.

I’ve been focusing on social media and trying to show myself to be more of value. It’s almost to the point where I plan the end of my week to do things so I can show it on social media.

Social media certainly serves a purpose but it is not a reflection of your genuine value as a human being at all whatsoever.

Something to think about: According to Wikipedia (I'm too lazy to find a better source right now.)

As of April 2019, 56.1% of the world's population has internet access

That means a whopping 43.9% aren't connected to the internet or are on social media at all. There is plenty of life happening outside the internet!

I encourage you to spend less time on social media and actually focus on enjoying life. Go surfing, go to the beach. Simply do it. Who cares what others think?!

Thanks guys. All of you are right. Also the advice is golden. I did transfer a lot of hopes and stuff onto that girl. We don’t talk anymore and I’ve left it alone.

It’s so hard for me to find worth in myself without other people’s praise. I do know that it’s a recipe for disaster and sadness living that way.

I have guy friends but none of them really do anything. I find myself really wanting to get out there and do things. I want to make new friends but the prospect of doing it alone is kinda scary. It’s like I’m outgrowing them. But I just wish they’d be more out there.

I like going to to clubs and bars not just to talk to girls because I actually like doing it. Having no one to go with kinda sucks tho. I did do it in Europe by myself which makes me feel like I can make new friends if I move or get more free time away from work. College/new city ext.

There’s times where I don’t even know what will make me happy. I’m constantly trying to fight my thoughts and change how I see myself.

I just feel so low like I’m nothing. I’m about to be 23 and the fact that I still struggle like a teenager bothers me so much. More than ever I have that need to figure out my life.

I live in a small town not a lot of opportunities or things to do. What attracted me to that girl was the fact that she was from LA. On her social media she’s posting things with friends and living her life(what it seems). She has a great job and seemed to be cool at least. The fact we were both on vacation romanticized it and made it more special than what it actually was.

I want that, I want to live in a place like that. Have cool friends who wants to spend time with me. Like I don’t have a close friend all my buddies are caught up with there on problems.

One thing I respect about my ex the most is that she had the balls to be happy. She wasn’t happy with me and she chose to move out with her parents and go after the things she wanted.

I find myself wondering a lot now will I ever find someone who wants me for me and not stuff or lifestyle I might live. Even now it’s still weird thinking about me and her. She was right tho.

I need counseling but I’m not willing atm to pay the money I was paying for it a couple months ago. Plus the lady I was seeing wasn’t to great.

Small town not a lot of options for counseling. Plus I’m saving money to move to a city.

Just got hard rejected by a girl I went on a date with. Straight said no she’s not interested in seeing me again. Im like damn that stings. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could remove our egos. Apparently it’s because of how I came off asking her out. She wasn’t dateble but I still liked her on a sexual basis. Ego -1

I’m gonna take the risk and move to a city. I’m gonna be alone unless I can convince one of my friends to come along. I’m gonna do this before going to college(I’m still gonna go regardless I just want to see if I can make it doing online college in a new city).

I just worry about making new friends and putting myself out there to maybe find a nice girl. I hear all the time that you got to take risk. I think I need to do this. I want to do this.

I want to eat new food. Do new things have hobbies and be healthy. I want to have some money saved and live in an area with opportunities and good social life.

I’m attractive and I do have a good personality. I’m not negative. I like to have fun. Just sucks because I want to have someone who can appreciate those things. Social media makes me feel less like a good guy.

Have you tried Meetup? It's this thing where you list your location and all of the things you like doing, and it spits out groups you can join with other people that like the same things you like. I found a lot of friends in this way, and it ultimately lead me to my current partner, who was friends with the friends I made.

Just got hard rejected by a girl I went on a date with. Straight said no she’s not interested in seeing me again. Im like damn that stings. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could remove our egos. Apparently it’s because of how I came off asking her out. She wasn’t dateble but I still liked her on a sexual basis. Ego -1

 

I’m gonna take the risk and move to a city. I’m gonna be alone unless I can convince one of my friends to come along. I’m gonna do this before going to college(I’m still gonna go regardless I just want to see if I can make it doing online college in a new city).

 

I just worry about making new friends and putting myself out there to maybe find a nice girl. I hear all the time that you got to take risk. I think I need to do this. I want to do this.

 

I want to eat new food. Do new things have hobbies and be healthy. I want to have some money saved and live in an area with opportunities and good social life.

 

I’m attractive and I do have a good personality. I’m not negative. I like to have fun. Just sucks because I want to have someone who can appreciate those things. Social media makes me feel less like a good guy.

Um. That's called dating. Reject the ones that reject you.

It doesn't sound like there is anything especially bad about you. You sound fine. You are a good guy. Not every interaction is going to turn out in your favor.

Stop worrying and go out and start living. Some things are going to hurt, but if you go hide every time something stings how can you move forward. I expect you to leave your 20s full of bruises and healed broken bones like the rest of us.

Don't get a life so you can get a girl though. Get a life so you can have a life. You just think it should be about the girl because of your past experiences and all of the messages that trump up a relationship as everything.

Austino, in addition to what WithLove suggested there's volunteering, signing up for a class, open mic night (music, poetry, storytelling), etc. Oh, I've heard of an app that is meant to help you find compatible friends. Unfortunately, I don't remember the name. Maybe someone else knows about this. Anyhow, just one suggestion: be patient as some people may not be your cup of tea. It's okay to switch activities until you find people that you mesh with.

Also, don't worry about having everything figured out right now. It's good to have a road map whilst remaining flexible as you never know where life will take you. Sometimes, life takes you places you never expected.

Lastly, who cares about the Joneses on social media. Nothing good comes from keeping up with the Joneses. It's your journey and you're cool like Frank at the Sands.