Jump to content

How to ease comflict with a non-communicative partner?


alw0992

Recommended Posts

My wife and I are healing after her month long string of infidelity with two people. We're taking step to repair the damage after I told her that I spoke with a lawyer to assess the situation for a hassle-free divorce. Things are rough becasue I want to talk with her to get some reassurance that the infidelity has stopped but whenever I talk to her she acts like a teenager; she rolls her eyes, tries to change the subject, tries to initiate sex, or just says "Are we done?" It's very tough becasue I get upset and usually pop off and causes a big fight. Any tips? How can communicate with her without causing a fight becasue of her attitude.

Link to comment

I can count on zero fingers the amount of times I've heard of infidelity resolving itself in a relationship without some hefty couples / marital counseling.

 

Look, she cheated on you. That's awful. Divorce her.

 

Or don't. But if that's how you choose to respond, that's on you to own. You don't get to nag for reassurance, even for as understandable as your insecurity is. Look for a clinically licensed counselor to help you two navigate the circumstances around (read: not cause of) her infidelity. It's obvious her saying, "I stopped" isn't going to do the trick for you.

Link to comment
My wife and I are healing after her month long string of infidelity with two people. We're taking step to repair the damage after I told her that I spoke with a lawyer to assess the situation for a hassle-free divorce. Things are rough becasue I want to talk with her to get some reassurance that the infidelity has stopped but whenever I talk to her she acts like a teenager; she rolls her eyes, tries to change the subject, tries to initiate sex, or just says "Are we done?" It's very tough becasue I get upset and usually pop off and causes a big fight. Any tips? How can communicate with her without causing a fight becasue of her attitude.

Eye rolls are a sign of contempt. Taking the issue of the table is control. Disregarding your feelings and trying to initiate sex. . is. . I am running out of things ~ abuse?

 

Yet you want to know how you can the`ease' conflict?

It takes two willing people.

It's not that she's non communicative. She's non compliant.

In other words, she doesn't care, doesn't respect you and doesn't want to be bothered.

 

Have you considered couples therapy?

Link to comment
Eye rolls are a sign of contempt. Taking the issue of the table is control. Disregarding your feelings and trying to initiate sex. . is. . I am running out of things ~ abuse?

 

Yet you want to know how you can the`ease' conflict?

It takes two willing people.

It's not that she's non communicative. She's non compliant.

In other words, she doesn't care, doesn't respect you and doesn't want to be bothered.

 

Have you considered couples therapy?

 

I've suggested it but I got a lukewarm reception.

Link to comment
My wife and I are healing after her month long string of infidelity with two people. We're taking step to repair the damage after I told her that I spoke with a lawyer to assess the situation for a hassle-free divorce. Things are rough becasue I want to talk with her to get some reassurance that the infidelity has stopped but whenever I talk to her she acts like a teenager; she rolls her eyes, tries to change the subject, tries to initiate sex, or just says "Are we done?" It's very tough becasue I get upset and usually pop off and causes a big fight. Any tips? How can communicate with her without causing a fight becasue of her attitude.

 

What steps is she taking?

Link to comment

You cannot fix this by yourself. Ask yourself, why do you want to fix things with someone who treats you with contempt?

 

Do three things.

 

1. Do not be intimate with her at all--no sex.

2. Get tested for STIs, you have no idea what you have been exposed to.

3. Consult with a lawyer and get divorced. Move on with your life.

Link to comment
What steps is she taking?

 

She's called one guy on the phone and said "Stop calling, things got out of hand, leave me alone," then tells me when he calls again and gave me his number to tell him to stop. As far as the other goes, she told that she wants to work on the marriage and she doesn't want to walk away so fast. She's allowed me to read the messages that were sent so I can gain context. She's explained her reason on why things got out of hand. So on and so on. As for me, I'm watching my reactions and not be so critical when she wants to talk.

Link to comment
She's called one guy on the phone and said "Stop calling, things got out of hand, leave me alone," then tells me when he calls again and gave me his number to tell him to stop. As far as the other goes, she told that she wants to work on the marriage and she doesn't want to walk away so fast. She's allowed me to read the messages that were sent so I can gain context. She's explained her reason on why things got out of hand. So on and so on. As for me, I'm watching my reactions and not be so critical when she wants to talk.

 

I see, after she has done that, have you thought about just blocking them and even changing numbers?

 

I believe your emotions and hers are still very raw and you will only be able to learn to communicate properly with couples therapy, no one in this forum is going to sugar coat things for you, what you are going through is awful, keep strong.

Link to comment

I read you original thread, it is not two people, but multiple people. Damn! Where is your self respect! This woman has repeatedly cheated on you, continues to disrespect you, and you stick around.

 

Stop being such a doormat and end this. This is really destructive for your kids to be exposed to.

 

She does not love you, I do not think she even likes you.

Link to comment
I can count on zero fingers the amount of times I've heard of infidelity resolving itself in a relationship without some hefty couples / marital counseling.

 

Look, she cheated on you. That's awful. Divorce her.

 

Or don't. But if that's how you choose to respond, that's on you to own. You don't get to nag for reassurance, even for as understandable as your insecurity is. Look for a clinically licensed counselor to help you two navigate the circumstances around (read: not cause of) her infidelity. It's obvious her saying, "I stopped" isn't going to do the trick for you.

 

I know I'm new here, but I have to disagree with this. That's not to say he can constantly nag forever and ever, but if he's willing to give her a second chance (assuming she wants a second change and I'm not 100% sure she does), he's justified in asking for reassurances.

Link to comment
My wife and I are healing after her month long string of infidelity with two people. We're taking step to repair the damage after I told her that I spoke with a lawyer to assess the situation for a hassle-free divorce. Things are rough becasue I want to talk with her to get some reassurance that the infidelity has stopped but whenever I talk to her she acts like a teenager; she rolls her eyes, tries to change the subject, tries to initiate sex, or just says "Are we done?" It's very tough becasue I get upset and usually pop off and causes a big fight. Any tips? How can communicate with her without causing a fight becasue of her attitude.

She won't go to marriage therapy with you so YOU (as per your other thread) so you go to personal therapy and learn to accept that you are with a person that is INCAPABLE of being monogamous.

 

You are in a codependent, dysfunctional relationship and you are very unlikely to ever feel settled or secure with her. She has a problem. You have no control over that problem and how it manifests itself so look after your own issue of codependency, once you have, you'll likely not want to keep her and said problem in your life.

 

Did you google "codependent relationship?"

Link to comment

Sorry this is still going on. Always keep a consultation with an attorney to yourself. The consultation is to advice you of your options. Never use divorce threats in the hope that it will make someone stop an affair or start respecting you.

 

She will just keep on cheating and be more secretive/smarter. There is no such thing as a "hassle free" divorce. You'll have to dissolve all your assets and at least one of you will have to move and then of course are the fees.

We're taking step to repair the damage after I told her that I spoke with a lawyer to assess the situation for a hassle-free divorce. Things are rough becasue I want to talk with her to get some reassurance that the infidelity has stopped but whenever I talk to her she acts like a teenager; she rolls her eyes, tries to change the subject, tries to initiate sex, or just says "Are we done?"
Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...