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Thread: Try again or not ?

  1. #1
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    Try again or not ?

    Hello, please help me sort out this situation .

    We were dating long-distance with my ex ( he's 30 and I'm 26) for nearly 3 years when he quietly disappeared after a conversation we had where I playfully told him that I didn't care if he were to leave for another woman . I've always had a pattern of playing it cool with him because I've been scared of showing vulnerability .
    After that day though, we've been broken up for 10 months since he never really said anything but quietly disappeared. He's an avoidant who despises conflicts .
    I didn't pursue him but made sure rumors got to him that I had someone else, only to hurt him the way he hurted me . Two months ago though we got back in touch and he apologised for the way he went off the radar. I asked him some help with a project when I'll be back to my country and he showed enthusiasm and support, even making inside jokes. We only exchanged mails, no calls or messages.

    Knowing he's also single, I confessed after that I still loved him and told him all the truth about having been single for the past months but also lashed out at him, telling how he broke my heart . I also told him if he still didn't say anything, I'd consider it a no.
    He never responded to my email.

    In 3 months I'll be back in my country for good. Should I let him know I'm back or just leave things this way ?
    I can't help but feel like there's an "unfinished business".
    Thanks a lot and sorry if there are mistakes, I'm a french speaker .

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    He ended things with you. You got back in touch, told him how you feel and told him that if he doesn't respond, you'll take his non response as a definitive "no" to your wish to get back together. He hasn't responded to you since. You already have your answer and that answer is that he is done and gone and not interested in pursuing anything with you anymore. There is no unfinished business here, only your personal lack of acceptance that this is over.

    Please accept and move on. Heal and think hard why you want to stick around with a guy is so avoidant and has such issues that he'll just disappear after 3 years without a word. Is this your idea of healthy? Surely not. There are better men out there for you. Of course, that means that you also need to stop playing games and become open to a healthy relationship. Stop pretending to be cool because all you are really doing is setting yourself up to get hurt. Nobody is doing it to you, you are doing it to yourself. Forget this guy and work on yourself. Two unhealthy people don't make a healthy whole, they just keep each other down.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Long distance relationships are hard - most don't workout.

    Sarcasm is great but what you said was a little rough.

    Sometimes you just need to start with a clean slate - that means finding another man. I would suggest somebody local this time.

    The unfinished business is, you are still feeling the loss from your breakup. This heartbreak will disappear with time, and by dating other guys.

  4. #4
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    I'd say he's got no interest in coming back to you and i think you need to grow up emotionally and stop the games and trying to hurt people. Fronting that you don't care etc etc. Not good.

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  6. #5
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    Why did you create two threads?

  7. #6
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    I think I got hooked by the way he reacted when we got back in touch. He would tell me about his day and ask about mine, talking and talking as if it was the only thing he was waiting for and I even felt surprise...

    If only I had got a straight answer from him from the beginning, he would be history since long ago.
    But I guess that's what happens when you get no closure.

    Thank you.

  8. #7
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    The message has been deleted.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why did you create two threads?
    Why pointing the fact ? I'm just seeking for advices, being heartbroken, so if you've nothing nice to say, please leave my thread since your're not adding to it
    , thank you.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Lovomatic
    Why pointing the fact ? I'm just seeking for advices, being heartbroken, so if you've nothing nice to say, please leave my thread since your're not adding to it
    , thank you.
    Why so defensive? You did not need to create two threads and it goes against the forum rules.

    You haven't spoken to the guy in 10 months. How can you be so heartbroken, especially after all of the games you played.? That is on you!

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    I'd say he's got no interest in coming back to you and i think you need to grow up emotionally and stop the games and trying to hurt people. Fronting that you don't care etc etc. Not good.
    He wasn't communicating and I struggled, dating him was draining from afar, so I figured things would change for the best when I go back home.
    He was actually the one hurting me every time by his silences and withdrawals, although I was there for him.

    It's ok though. Thank you.

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