Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 34

Thread: Try again or not ?

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    19
    The message has been deleted.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    19,725
    Originally Posted by Lovomatic
    He wasn't communicating and I struggled, dating him was draining from afar, so I figured things would change for the best when I go back home.
    He was actually the one hurting me every time by his silences and withdrawals, although I was there for him.

    It's ok though. Thank you.
    Then, why would you continue with someone like this? I certainly do not understand why you would want to restart things knowing he is like this. That makes zero sense.

    You need to address your bad choices in partners, due to you trust issues. You choose people that will not let you in. You are emotionally unavailable and purposely choose the wrong partners.

    Deal with your trust issues and you will make better choices.

  3. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    19
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why so defensive? You did not need to create two threads and it goes against the forum rules.

    You haven't spoken to the guy in 10 months. How can you be so heartbroken, especially after all of the games you played.? That is on you!
    Report me to an administrator if it can makes you feel better.

    Every person has his way of coping and I precised that we got back in touch 2 months ago.

    You're the one showing insensivity here, please don't you have better things to do ?
    I think I'll stop replying ti you now, have a nice day.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    19,725
    Originally Posted by Lovomatic
    Report me to an administrator if it can makes you feel better.

    Every person has his way of coping and I precised that we got back in touch 2 months ago.

    You're the one showing insensivity here, please don't you have better things to do ?
    I think I'll stop replying ti you now, have a nice day.


    Maybe, if you read what was being said instead of being so defensive, you would see that you are a big part of the problem: choosing the wrong people.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    19
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Then, why would you continue with someone like this? I certainly do not understand why you would want to restart things knowing he is like this. That makes zero sense.

    You need to address your bad choices in partners, due to you trust issues. You choose people that will not let you in. You are emotionally unavailable and purposely choose the wrong partners.

    Deal with your trust issues and you will make better choices.
    I was actually the one opening my heart and pouring it to him every time. He would also let me in about everything, only that he couldn't deal with conflicts. I'm actually really expressive and I apologise fast, always trying to make things better. He also did but after some time.
    Anyway I think distance held me from moving on. Thank you though.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    19,725
    Originally Posted by Lovomatic
    I was actually the one opening my heart and pouring it to him every time. He would also let me in about everything, only that he couldn't deal with conflicts. I'm actually really expressive and I apologise fast, always trying to make things better. He also did but after some time.
    Anyway I think distance held me from moving on. Thank you though.
    But, he was a bad choice. He is avoidant, and that will not change.

    I used to do what you did: choose people who were emotionally unavailable and ran when conflict would arise. These people are not good choices as partners, and I gravitated to them due to my own emotional unavailability- I would never have to let them into my life completely. When my ex crushed my heart, i recognized my patterns and the people I WAS ALLOWING into my life, and it wasn't good.
    I was very grateful for that pain, as i made many positive changes. One of the websites that helped me grow was baggagereclaim,com I hope that you will check it out, as you will learn much about your choices, and yourself.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,328
    Gender
    Female
    Honestly, after 3 years you should be "playing it cool" or playing it anything - you should just be yourself.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    9,550
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Lovomatic
    He wasn't communicating and I struggled, dating him was draining from afar, so I figured things would change for the best when I go back home.
    He was actually the one hurting me every time by his silences and withdrawals, although I was there for him.

    It's ok though. Thank you.
    People don't change who and how they are just because you move close to them. He is still the same person with the same issues with communication and avoidance and withdrawals. If anything, getting the silent treatment when you are close by is even worse. I think in this case, distance is what kept this going for as long as it has. Imagine you have a weekend planned and he just disappears without a word and you are just sitting there not knowing what happened, what to do about your plans and so on. It's crazy making. It's really best that you move on from this because people like that are ultimately toxic.

    When someone leaves you feeling constantly sad, rejected, hurt, frustrated, feeling bad.....that's your clue that you are with the wrong person. It does't necessarily make him a bad human being, only that you and him are not compatible.

  10. #19
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    19
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Honestly, after 3 years you should be "playing it cool" or playing it anything - you should just be yourself.
    I get it . It's just that I had been hurted in the past since I tend to invest myself but ends up getting hurted. We were mostly distance too.
    And since I'm going back for good, I tought everything wasn't lost after all or at least get some form of closure.

    Anyway, Thank you

  11. #20
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    19
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    People don't change who and how they are just because you move close to them. He is still the same person with the same issues with communication and avoidance and withdrawals. If anything, getting the silent treatment when you are close by is even worse. I think in this case, distance is what kept this going for as long as it has. Imagine you have a weekend planned and he just disappears without a word and you are just sitting there not knowing what happened, what to do about your plans and so on. It's crazy making. It's really best that you move on from this because people like that are ultimately toxic.

    When someone leaves you feeling constantly sad, rejected, hurt, frustrated, feeling bad.....that's your clue that you are with the wrong person. It does't necessarily make him a bad human being, only that you and him are not compatible.
    I understand and it's very well said. I thank you.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •