Apartment Sharing

Hi,

I am just looking for advice on the best way to handle this situation.

I will be moving in with my boyfriend in the apartment he is already living in with a guy and another guy who will be moving in at the same time as me as the couple currently living there will be moving out either end of next month or July.

My boyfriend is all about keeping the guy who will be staying happy. So as a result of this his rent will be slightly reduced and the bills will be split evenly even though 1 of the bills is a sports package that neither me or my boyfriend will be watching. He wants to have friends over every Saturday for drinks and have this girl he is casually seeing stay the weekend and 1 or 2 nights during the week which I am actually all fine with.

The one thing that is non-negotiable with me is this guy smokes weed and he is looking to smoke in the sitting room of the apartment which to me is disgusting. That is fine if he wants to smoke but it shouldn't be in the apartment.

I'm just looking for advice on how best to explain this to my boyfriend who actually already knows I hate it and the smell or if people think I am completely in the wrong to say so as well.

Don't move in. Why can't you just date until you can afford more privacy?

Why would you put yourself in this situation?

This has trouble written all over it.

Will you be paying rent?

You can try and ask the guy who's already living there to stop smoking while he's there, but I bet that will last, oh, a week or two, if it lasts at all.

Plus, even if he only smokes outside, you'll smell it on his clothes, which will end up on the couch, the carpet, the walls.

He'll start looking at you as this picky new girl, and I promise, this will not end well.

My advice? Stay in your current place, your boyfriend stays in his place, until the two of you can move in together somewhere on your own.

You're moving in and you will be paying a portion of the bills. Therefore, you have every right to insist on no smoking in the house itself. Look at the lease - does it forbid smoking?

If your bf or the roommate won't accept your wishes, do not move in.

This sounds like a terrible situation all around.

1. A sports package should not be part of regular utilities. That's for those who want it.

2. This girlfriend who only "stays over sometimes" could end up basically being there full time for free while not covering any bills, and not only that..but a reduced portion of the bill.

3. The reduced rent thing is crap unless he gets a smaller room or something.

4. They could tell you they won't smoke in the apartment, but I guarantee it will happen anyway after you move in. They simply don't see it as that big of a deal.

There are just way too many ways that this can end badly. Realistically, can you and your boyfriend not live alone?

It's hard enough to make a normal relationship work living together. It gets much more complicated when you start involving others.

Your bf's roommate's gf is being offered a much better deal than you. She stays for free whenever she wants and you get to pay for and clean up after all that.

Seriously consider why your bf is trying to rope you into this very bad deal and why his roommate gets preferential treatment including his gf being there quite often and you get the shaft.

Stand up for yourself. Tell this bf, his roommate and co. to shove it.

He wants to have friends over every Saturday for drinks and have this girl he is casually seeing stay the weekend and 1 or 2 nights during the week which I am actually all fine with.

After all of the advice and discussion with friends I will be standing up for myself on this issue as I will be a full paying roommate I have the right to say this and the other roommate is doing very well in the situation getting everything else his own way.

My boyfriend should support me on this. I will be meeting him later today and discuss it and if he doesn't agree with it then I won't be moving in.

Why does his roommate's gf get to stay there for free?

After all of the advice and discussion with friends I will be standing up for myself on this issue as I will be a full paying roommate I have the right to say this and the other roommate is doing very well in the situation getting everything else his own way.

 

My boyfriend should support me on this. I will be meeting him later today and discuss it and if he doesn't agree with it then I won't be moving in.

This sounds like a potential train wreck. Don't move in.

You have a right to say whatever you want. He has every "right" to ignore you. The lease likely has a no-smoking policy inside the unit, so short of reporting him to your landlord and sharing the consequences, there's not much that's in your control. This is precisely why if you polled folks on their worst life horror story, you're probably going to hear about a terrible roommate more often than not. Having a roommate means you have a shared responsibility to the landlord, but very minimal obligation to each other. Ideally, you'd hope there's a mutual respect and courtesy, but it's often the first time people learn just to what extent you have no control over someone else. Why you'd knowingly move in with someone who would wanton breach the terms of the lease at what would and will be your expense is well beyond me.

You don't need to tell anyone to shove it. Make better decisions for yourself. Don't count on others to do so for you. Don't count on nagging doing the trick. I'm not wondering why your boyfriend is roping you in. I'm wondering why you're so eager to live with your boyfriend that you'd volunteer for such a mess. Is inserting yourself into someone else's living situation to police behavior something you get a kick out of? Life's too short.

Honestly, i would never move in with multiple people + a boyfriend.

I have seen things work with two established couples (not simply dating 6 months but two siblings and their spouses, etc.), but it never works with boyfriend+girlfriend+two other guys unless its main house, then someone lives in an in-law apartment or above the garage. Recipe for disaster.

I would move out and move out with 1-2 other young women instead. Its not fair to have no say in the selection of roommates and have to live where someone is smoking pot etc.

Move out with a couple young women or to a studio apartment