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Thread: The mother of my boyfriends children is causing issues.

  1. #11
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    The both of you should block all forms of communication from this woman except for a way to speak about the kids. A phone call is efficient. Texting, messaging, social media, etc should be discontinued.. She can be completely blocked so you won't have to deal with those issues.

    Let the courts and the lawyers handle the rest. Get the custody arrangements finalized and stick to them.

    If you want to stick around, you should also help him work to form a budget and a "rainy day fund" so to speak, which is actually very accurate terminology in this case since that is it's purpose.

    If she can prove he isn't making payments, he could lose all custody and rights to see his children.



    I also agree that you are indeed at risk of being just a rebound, but I'd be lying to say I haven't ever seen it work out. As stated, you will have to be the rock for quite some time.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You've invested a mere 60 days with him. It's infatuation but not love. With him, your life is stressful with an ex harassing you. He will be paying child support for 2 children. If you go on vacation, it will be with your funds only, if you can even afford paying for two. Same with nice dinners and carefree weekend getaways. Life is expensive, and in this scenario, no savings for broken down cars, appliances, retirement savings.

    What you see is what you get. Accept the present at face value and don't have some fantasy things will improve. To hope for better days is a fool's game.

    Did you know that there are other guys out there who you can share chemistry with, and lack the major problems this guy is experiencing? He is where he is because of the life decisions he made. He might've missed red flags about his ex. He had unprotected sex. Who knows what else.

    Chemistry takes no brains. It's biological. For your own good, you also have to choose a longterm partner by considering his traits, and that takes a lot of thought. What are your must-haves and dealbreakers? Certainly this guy doesn't meet your standards. Don't let having a crush on someone new be so exciting as to cloud your decision-making skills. Get out now while it's easy to do so.

  3. #13
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    The title for this post should be changed from:

    "The Mother of my boyfriend's children is causing issues"

    to:

    "My boyfriend is allowing his ex to cause issues"

  4. #14
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    This is why I have a rule to never date someone that has this kind of baggage. When you are being harassed, and pulled into their fights/disputes, see financial issues, etc......it's time to get out of the relationship. A couple of months or even a year it is not worth it. He shouldn't be trying to have a relationship with anyone until he gets this mess cleaned up.

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  6. #15
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    How does he feed himself and pay rent when he is out of work? I am certain he does not sacrifice for himself. He can be doing everything he can to support his kids, and that would be by finding a more stable job.

    Do you pay for him?

    Find a better guy with less baggage!

  7. #16
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Ah, the old stalker ex! Well, he's going to be tied to his ex for 18 years because of the kids. Nothing you can do about it really, except live with it or leave.

    Stalker ex's can be deal breakers.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Ah, the old stalker ex! Well, he's going to be tied to his ex for 18 years because of the kids. Nothing you can do about it really, except live with it or leave.

    Stalker ex's can be deal breakers.
    Yup. Don't stick your d*ck in crazy, or don't let crazy stick it in. Not certain what year many here think it is where guy can threaten to send the ex to the moon and that's that. She's gonna do what she's gonna do. Not sure why she's so vindictive. Not sure why she's asking for childcare money and not child support. Regardless, she's free to stir up whatever trouble she wants to on instagram. Simple solution seems like a nice and healthy block to me, but to each their own.

    In any case, it is baggage, and it's baggage he won't be able to discard. She's her own woman, and being an ***hole isn't illegal. You'd be plenty justified in deciding this isn't the life for you.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Maybe it's just that lesson everyone needs to learn once in their lifetime.

    If the OP gets fed up, she can take this lesson with her and realize a man fresh out of relationship that's still tied to the drama and hostile messiness that comes with coming undone, she might think twice next time and cross the street.

    For the most part, this stuff doesn't go away quietly but continues for years to come.

    Been there, done different versions of this.
    Now I know better.
    Hostile ex in the picture = a very unavailable man

    *As long as someone is still angry, there are emotions involved. After all, if you no longer have feelings, or an attachment to someone, it's not even on your radar to be angry with them - because it doesn't matter anymore.

    So let that be your red flag. If you consider dating anyone that either has hostility or is on the receiving end of it. . they are still attached to each other in some way. Agreeing to getting involved is agreeing to part of a triangle.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lifesabeach
    Iíve been dating my boyfriend for a few months, he has a 3 year old and a 4 month old(only found out it was his while we were dating) with his ex girlfriend. They had originally broken up because she was cheating on him and said she was pregnant and it wasnít his. They currently had mediation for custody and she refused to compromise so they are going to court. She has since been trying to make life very difficult for him.
    He does construction and relies on the weather for some jobs, recently due to rain he has fallen behind on his jobs which led to him paying the daycare late. She has been messaging him constantly saying that she canít wait for him to die etc.
    I have yet to meet her however this morning I woke up to several messages from her on Instagram saying that heís cheating on me with her, that he uses girls for money that heís a deadbeat. Then sends a picture of them in bed, which I can see by his haircut was before we met. She sent me screenshots of messages heís sent her which can easily be taken out of context.
    I have no desire to respond to her. But Iím not really sure how to proceed.
    By breaking up with this guy and all his drama. Surely you love yourself more than getting in the middle of custody battles and cra cra ex's?

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