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Thread: First Vacation W/o Wife, Dad Getting Remarried, Sister Issues

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Great update, Kid. So glad to hear that you're bonding with your sister and that your Dad is happy. What has his wife done to make you hate her?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Great update, Kid. So glad to hear that you're bonding with your sister and that your Dad is happy. What has his wife done to make you hate her?
    Hey Catfeed, thanks for the reply. My Dad introduced us (my sister, her husband, my wife) to her about 5 years ago while he was separated from our Mom. He chose to introduce her at our family beach house. (Terrible decision). At first, the conversation was very casual. Then, she started to talk about our Mom and we told her that we didn't want to talk about our Mom with her because it's none of her business. She was insistent upon talking about her. We all left the gathering and went home. A few months later, we saw her again and she brought up our Mom, again. This led to another huge argument and showed that she didn't respect our boundaries.

    Since these encounter, we've seen her maybe three times over the last four years. She hasn't brought up our Mom again, but she showed she didn't respect our boundaries. She has made an effort to connect with us and has tried to get to know us, but we've put walls up. I really don't want to have a relationship with her.

    Our Mom has MS and is terminally ill. She can't get around her well anymore and will likely need to live in 'Assisted Living' within the next year or so. Granted, I wasn't part of my parents' marriage, but it's just tough to watch your Mom decay, physically and emotionally, see your Dad take off with his mistress (and marry her despite his kids not liking her at all).

  3. #13
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Well, I'm about to fly home, but I wanted to post one last update.

    Last night, my Dad and his new wife invited me to dinner. My sister flew home a few hours earlier, so it was only the three of us. I've always had an eerie feeling about these types of meetings because I feel cornered, but I gave it a shot anyway since the weekend was going well.

    My Dad and sister have had a rocky relationship since his new wife entered the picture. He started to see her in 2010. Anyway, my Dad and sister were always very close, but things happened when his new wife entered the picture. He wanted to ask me about my sister and seek ways to rebuild the relationship with her. I gave him my honest opinion about the situation. I told him that my sister is very hurt, feels like she's been replaced, etc. My sister has deep psychological issues now, had an eating disorder, etc. I told him that she has to dictate the relationship with him at this point. He started talking about how badly my sister treats him, how she's mean, etc. I re-iterated that my sister is very hurt, is unstable right now, and he has to listen to her and appeal to her emotions. He wasn't having it.

    Towards the end of the dinner, he said that his relationship with his new wife was the #1 priority in his life. That hit me hard. His actions have shown us that that's the case, but hearing him say it out-loud hurt. I thanked them for dinner and just walked out of the restaurant. I went for an hour-long walk alone. He called me several times and I agreed to meet up with him later in the night.

    Later in the night, him and I met. I told him that I was hurt by his words (even though his actions have confirmed this words). I always felt like kids should become ahead of any girlfriend, but he kept using the excuse that 'we're adults now, we should live our own lives, blah blah blah'. I agree that we're all adults, but kids don't want to feel like they're in second place to mistress that he married.

    In closing, I told him that I was angry with his behavior. When I was a child, I observed a lot of his passive behavior and adopted it for myself. This led to a lot of hurt and pain in my relationships because I didn't have proper boundaries. I told him this---and he apologized, saying that he wasn't man enough to see what he was doing. I've unlearned most of those behaviors, but it took me a long time to fix it.

    Before we left, I told him that we all make decisions. The fact that he chose to marry this woman, despite our reservations and issues with her, would mean that he won't see us as often. We associate her with a lot of bad feelings/memories and seeing him is just something that we feel like we 'have to do'. It's no longer enjoyable. It hurts because we used to love seeing my Dad. He was a great Dad and we always had so much fun together. He was my one 'safe person' in life---and now I feel like I don't have that anymore. It sucks and I'm hurt by all of this. I can't wait to go home.

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