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Thread: Feeling less and just want to hear from you guys....

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Who wants to get married? Her or you? Hasn't she broken up and moved out back home to her parents a few times before? Have you ever gotten to the bottom of the real issues?
    We talked about getting married down the road but not anytime soon. It's crazy that we both are still in love with each other, physically and sexually attracted to one and another. But the past six months, we were not able to communicate our issues and the state that we was in. She stated that sometimes she felt like she was just my roommate.

    She packed her stuff last night and will be moving out today. She said that she just want to be single without interference from guys in general so she can find herself, love herself, better herself and know how to deal with things. She said that when she's ready, she will be reaching back out for a casual date and see how the both of us had grown over the time and space. If it's meant to be, we will have a discussion of getting back together with a refresh start.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Admittedly, I had no idea what you were talking about on the first page and therefore had nothing to comment on. There was no basis for the fight that we know of and her quick reaction to you seemed inappropriate and untimely. I also didn't feel like the recounting of the facts was reliable enough to comment on because you're still in shock and are leaving some details out. I'm very sorry you're going through this. You sound like you're taking it well but I think you're in a lot of pain. It's fine not to always be strong. Comments hearing that you feel like a roommate to her are not easy to hear.

    The only thing I can tell you from what you've written (post #11) is that when a person tells you they're not feeling well, it's best to believe them and trust that there is work to be done on their end. Don't take on that guilt on yourself if you are. She isn't feeling well and may have lost touch with herself. The regrettable thing is that I think she's making a mistake and she's taking it out on the relationship. A person is allowed not to feel good all the time but it doesn't mean walking out on commitments or leaving loved ones behind. If she does care about you and see a future with you or if she would even for a second entertain a fresh start at all she shouldn't have taken the gamble and forfeited the opportunity to challenge herself and become a better person within the relationship. It is possible to hone in and sharpen individual abilities and clarify individual emotions without forfeiting a committed relationship. That is my only feedback on her.

    I'd be cautious going forward. My room for error is there but I'm no longer able to sustain large rooms for error in my life. An error in prematurely leaving or leaving a partner behind is very difficult for me to overlook. It's not because I don't forgive (I do) but I no longer am looking out for only myself anymore and I've discovered life is too short not to spend it happy most of the time. Anyone who takes away from that or is unable to support that similar belief doesn't have a place in my life. I hope you feel better soon.

  3. #13
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    @rosemosse, Thank you so much for the thought out post. Everything you mentioned, I believe it and it's true.

    I am 100% in pain, sadness, depression etc. I went through all the stages of the break up since last Saturday. Now, I'm just accepting that it's over and can only begin to heal and move forward.

    I wish we were able to stay together, work it out, and grow together. But I think this is something she need to do on her own. She never been single for more than a month. She just need to work on herself honestly. I hope that she does and using all the time and space. She's afraid of commitment, afraid of communications, afraid of a healthy fight, insecure, scare etc.

    And of course, I want us to be back together if we do end up that road in the future. But I'm for sure going to be cautious. I have hope but at the same time, don't want to throw all my eggs in one basket.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I am very sorry. Hang in there. Those things you just mentioned (post #13) are not to be taken lightly. I would believe her too that she has a lot to work on. Keep on your healing path and don't lose hope or your confidence. Keep telling yourself that there is more to life than this and you will keep finding your own happiness. Repeat it like a mantra and go out there and live your life fully.

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  6. #15
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    @rosemosse, thank you so much. I'll definitely try to heal and living life fully. Since its not a bad breakup, do I still ignore her and go NC?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's really your decision and you have to know what's best for yourself (ask yourself what you need in order to stabilize yourself again). I would emphasize regaining stability. This means peace with the world around you, peace with yourself, peace with where you are headed and knowing what your purpose is in life(reacquainting yourself with your other commitments and future goals). You should emphasize on peace and the cultivation/rebuilding of your identity and inner strength. The path that leads that way is the path I'd suggest. You should choose how you would like to get there, the tools you need to use. Go from there.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it will hurt but perhaps her departure is best. It sounds like too much arguing and incompatibility. When someone 'feels like roommates' and 'needs space', it could mean she's exploring other options. Keep in mind she is not staying to work on anything. Moving out is a very definitive end. Stay no contact and consider this the end not a "growth period".
    Originally Posted by xplorationgt
    afraid of a healthy fight.

  9. #18
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    a little update:

    Its been exactly 4 weeks since she moved out. The first two weeks was extremely difficult for me and to live in our apt. by myself, Since there, I had learned so much about our relationships and why things happened. Instead of going out with friends, drinking etc. I find peace within myself and the world on my own and being alone.

    Yes, though I did all of this, in week 3 her and I met up twice to hangout. We still talked everyday etc but at the same time, I was processing the breakup, accept it and move forward. It was extremely difficult but I was able to do it while seeing her and talking to her.

    As for her, since the breakup... she been keeping herself busy with friends and family. She told me today that when we hangout, we don't really have a spark. That's very true because my defense is up and I'm just being casual while she still haven't process the break up and move forward.

    She asked for us to go no contact so she can be alone, to process the breakup, and to be able to move forward from it. When she's ready, she will reach back out. It sucks but I'm okay with that. I know I'll be sad and depressed here and there. it's normal to have those feelings.

    I hope everyone that are in my shoes are doing well. One day at a time, its really hard!

  10. #19
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    Yes sounds like you are doing really well, keep it up. Remember NC will be good for both of you. Just because she may offer you fake friendship 3 months down the line doesn't mean you should accept it. You will probably discover you feel happier without her in your life at all and that is fine for you to stand by that decision but if you believe you can be friends then feel free to break NC.

  11. #20
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    I don't think we can ever be friends. I also told her this and she understand. She even admit that we cant be friends because we have so much history together and that we are physically and sexually attractive to each other.

    When she asked for us to hangout, I was shocked but I accepted it. I asked her whats the reason behind it and she said I just want to hangout. But in reality, she wanted to see if the spark was still there. Of course it's not, we are just broken up and still processing, grieving it all.

    So not sure if I should be hopeful or not and just completely let her go and move on.

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