Scared my new girlfriend into breaking up by banging on her windows.

Meet my girlfriend at the beginning of this April. We are both in our 50's. She broke up with me Sunday night 5/5/19

Well everything about each other was perfect. We fell in love and always had a great time.

Here is just a snapshot of the many texts from her. It was even more passionate in person.

I don’t have words for how you make me feel. My heart melted when I read your last text. I keep thinking to myself - where did he come from?? And why did it take so long to find him?

I love you. 😘

I thought about you all day too. Last week was a whirlwind and I couldn’t do it again but I don’t like not seeing you.

Hope I am not waking you up. Just leaving the play. It was fabulous!! Good night my love.

💕 I truly don’t even know to respond when you send things like this. I love it, it makes my heart feel full, makes me feel special, loved. I love you ❤️

Please be patient with me. I will learn. I am just not used to anything like this. I am not used to being treated as someone special, as someone who is loved. I have had to protect myself for so long, I need to learn how to open up with you, and I will. 🥰

I love you! You make me feel special 💕

Going to sleep. I am so in love with you. Even more after today! Sweet dreams. 😘🥰

You are perfect for me! I love When I am around you it is hard for me not to be touching you. Doesn’t have to be sexual, just want to be close to you, touching you.

🥰 I want your arms around me.

Just waking up - for the second time. Woke up thinking of you as usual. I wish I could sleep beside you tonight. It would make me feel better just to have your arms around me.

You make me feel like my life isn’t as crazy as I think/feel it is.

I have not been with anyone who accepts me and all the crazy stuff in my life like you do. I am having a hard time understanding it. I will, it will just take time. You are wonderful. 😘

I will try not to. You make me feel special!! Have from the first night I met you.

I cannot get you off my mind tonight. One night a week sleeping beside you is not enough.

Getting in bed. Sweet dreams love ❤️ Still wondering where you came from. You are wonderful. ❤️

I love you ❤️ I need your arms around me.

Going to bed. So looking forward to Thursday so I can sleep beside you. 😘 I love you Gary❣️ ❤️

It is crazy the amount of time I spend thinking about you every day.

One more thing and I will leave you alone (for a while) - I am really excited about us and our future. I miss you. I am still a bit scared by us. You seem so perfect for me. It’s just hard for me to trust it is true. I don’t mean that I don’t trust you, I am just scared of us. Does that make any sense?

😘 you are on my mind You are so very special to me. I am sorry I am scared. I love who you are and am amazed by you everyday.

For a very long time I have felt unlovable so it is hard for me to understand your love for me. Thank you for loving me and being patient with me.

I know you are busy so don’t expect you to answer all my texts. Just need you to know I am excited about us, even though I am a bit scared. More excited than scared.

I think you are right. Everyone keeps asking if I have found the “but” yet (I like him but...) haven’t found one yet. Anyone else I went out with more than once there was a “but” almost immediately. And we spent a lot of time together this weekend and nothing got in my nerves which is VERY unusual.

I do have this calmness that is setting in about our relationship. At first I was afraid it was too good to be true. I am feeling like it is a great thing and I can calm down about it. Not that I’m not scared still but the calmness grows each

Good morning ☀️ I woke up with a smile on my face bc you were the first thing I thought about. Have a great day! 😘

You are absolutely perfect for me. Just letting you know.

I am not sure what has happened but over the last two or three days I love you more and more each day. 😘

Ok we are in love up until the day I ed up.

So last Thursday she got really sick and went home from work. She didnt answer any texts or calls. So I went to her house uninvited. Knocked on the door no answer.

Knocked really hard alot. No answer. Panic set in I thought maybe she had a stroke. So I went to her bedroom window and knocked. Nothing . So in my panic I banged on her window a lot and very hard to wake her. I then left and sent this text.

Susan I came to your house to check on you. There was no one there

This has ceased being amusing. No matter how sick you are you would not ghost me.

Seriously I'm freaking out now! Are you dying or breaking up with me? What the .

I'm not going to sleep until I talk to you. I'll stay up all night but I need to know your okay

her reply

Her response

I am not feeling good enough to talk. I told you that at 8:30. I am trying to sleep bc I have to go to work tomorrow bc of a meeting I have to be at. I will be okay. I just need sleep and meds.

The next morning from her

Last night was a little much. I was sick and needed to rest. I was home when you came by but my head was hurting so badly I really couldn't get out of bed. Telling me that I am basically lying about being home is not good. I heard you banging all around my house. Not sure where to go from here. I am having serious doubts about dating right now. I am working and really can't text about this during the day.

Then I went into explaining ,begging mode not to break up. Left her alone and Sunday night this text.

Hey Gary. I love the painting. Thank you for the time this weekend. I have thought about it all weekend and I am not able to bring myself to see you. For whatever reason the other day really freaked me out. We just don't have a strong enough base for me to overlook it. I am so sorry. I will drop your key by one day this week.

More professing my love begging , explaining why I did it.

From her

The thing is that I don't know you well enough to know it won't happen again. That is the problem. The painting is beautiful.

It is just too soon for something like Thursday to happen. Everything I said was the truth. I felt it all. I cannot handle the feeling that I felt the other night when you were here. It really was scary to me. I am so sorry. I don't even know what else to say.

More begging and the end of my last text on Monday

Then I sent a very long rambling begging I love you text

With this sign off

I'm going to give you space but remember how we are together in person and not that incident. I trust you that you meant it when you said you loved me. And I still believe it. Things happened very fast between us. But I still believe we have a special connection that never happens. It was a romance for real. 🙂

I apologize for seeming needy and so many texts after the break up. I understand.

I love you for always .

Your so beautiful.

Please don't be afraid of me. I would always protect you and keep you safe.

I love you Susan

I have nothing else to say either

maybe we can talk again in the future.

All my love

Gary

I have not contacted her since to give her space. She has gone silent and unfriended me on FACEBOOK.

She told me she loved me Thursday the day of the incident. Then it goes from I am the perfect person to being thrown away.

I want to fight for her and not lose her. She is very important to me.

Only having this happen in an otherwise great relationship is there any hope of getting her back?

You sound way overbearing and clingy. It sounds like she finally understood from the way you practically blew out her window when she clearly told you that she needed to rest.

I'd probably be freaked out, too. Listen to her when she tells you that she needs space.

Can I win her back? It was a one time thing. I was not overbearing and clingy at all until she broke up.

From her messages to you, it sounds like she is very clear in that she does not want to move forward. If she decides she does, she will make that known. Doing anything else on your part is disrespectful of her wishes and, given your window-banging event, probably scary.

You sound way overbearing and clingy. It sounds like she finally understood from the way you practically blew out her window when she clearly told you that she needed to rest.

 

I'd probably be freaked out, too. Listen to her when she tells you that she needs space.

These were the exact words I was going to say.

Can I win her back? It was a one time thing. I was not overbearing and clingy at all until she broke up.

you were scary and overbearing. She went home sick from work. Its not like she is terminally ill or left a suicide note.

Please leave her alone. She has asked for space. DO NOT CONTACT HER. The ball is in her court. she may contact you again - or not.

You met this woman a month ago and you're already professing your love for each other?

This was way too much, way too soon. You showing up and pounding on her windows speaks to an unnerving level of clinginess and an utter lack of boundaries. Why did you assume she had a stroke just because she went home sick and was silent the rest of the day? You go from being worried about her to this snarky comment: "This has ceased being amusing." That would tell me you were less worried about my health and more worried I'm the type of woman who would cheat and deceive you.

The begging and declarations of love are just way over the top for a woman you barely know who has just dumped you, too. I don't think she will be back. However, if she was also rushing head-first into this, I am not sure it would have lasted anyway. There were several red flags waving even before you scared the crap out of her.

Dude.

Let's say you and Susan were both my best friends in the world. Know what I'd tell Susan? That she made the right call here—that Gary is a good dude but not the dude for you and not in a good spot these days. Know what I'd tell you? STOP contacting Susan, for good, forever, so you can get to a good spot again.

I know it hurts, but buddy? You blew a gasket! That stuff never goes over well. And when you show someone that your engine can overheat like that within 4 weeks, and in less than 24 hours without an emoji heart lighting up your phone—well, you're basically letting them know that you're not someone capable of a long, smooth ride.

I know all those lofty texts felt good at the time, but all that in a month? After more than half a century living and learning? It's a lot. It's, in fact, too much.

Even in her texts to you—which I admittedly skimmed, because it felt a bit strange—she's repeatedly trying to get you to slow your roll, chill out. Something tells me that you took all that as a sign to speed the roll, reach for more emojis, more big words. And, yeah, she was wooed by all that, because who doesn't like the feeling of someone being all sorts of smitten with them?

But when that turns to banging on windows—nope, as you've learned. That there is a rainstorm on a campfire. Spark gone. End scene.

I don't think it's realistic to expect anything from her going forward. I'd only suggest you do some soul searching and try and find the cause to your separation anxiety. Your behaviour is indicative of severe anxiety and something triggered it for you. I'm not very interested in how long you've dated. Even in a long term relationship, this behaviour is not appropriate. You should try to heal from whatever has hurt you in the past or caused this incident. The problem is it's not just the occurrence (once) of this incident. It's the fact that it happened and the magnitude of the anxiety attack/s that you went through that alarmed her.

Try seeking a counsellor or someone trained in anxiety and panic attacks. This isn't about Susan, really, or the relationship. It's about you. If it's happened, it will happen again. You'll need to learn how to temper that and recognize situations that trigger those kinds of anxious spells and eventually learn to cut them out/avoid them in your life.

I have to agree with the other posters. The whole relationship was way too much, too soon. All that going on after one month? Really? You're grown ups, not teens. I understand that you were worried but your behaviour was uncalled for. The poor woman wanted to rest.

The begging and declarations of love would have freaked me out if I were in her shoes. I would suggest to leave her alone; the ball is in her court. Have some self respect and pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on as best as you could. You blew it this time, IMO, but who knows? I sincerely hope you learned that such dramatic emotions are unhealthy and should be kept at bay next time in a new relationship. Again, please leave the poor woman alone. If she wishes to contact you, she knows how to do it, but I wouldn't bank on it. (sorry)

Ok If you read the I love you messages were from her not me. Also I do have anxiety and OCD which played a big part but that does not define me as a person who is prone to doing this. I had a panic attack and did some stupid that night.

Other than that one night every thing was great. And who says you cannot fall in love quickly. She told me first. If we were just dating I would not be having a problem breaking up.

I'm sorry, but I'm not buying this whole incident being out of character for you. If you don't want to repeat this in the future with someone else, I suggest you get honest with yourself about your tendency to move too quickly and get too attached in relationships. Also, it may be a good idea to specifically work on tolerating distress in therapy. It will be a useful skill when you're faced with uncertainty and get tempted to show up at someone's house.

What I read in her messages to you is a lot of anxiety, fear, and trust issues couched between and inside professions of love. And now you're saying you are a sufferer from anxiety and OCD.

With a little time and some clear eyes, I think you may see that this love between you was the bond of two very anxious people who found, momentarily, respite from that anxiety in each other. Or, put another way, who very quickly became each other's anti-anxiety medication.

When you didn't get the dose you were used to, you went into withdrawal, started banging on the pharmacy doors. And here you are.

There are some important lessons here, if you're willing to be humble and listen to them. Therapy, meditation, something that is not another person to soothe you during moments of uncertainty—you need that, to prioritize finding that, carving it out inside yourself in your life.

She was feeling a little under the weather, wanted some time to chill, did not communicate with you in exactly the way at the exact second that you expected her to. That's going to happen again—and again and again and again—in the business of life and love. To really connect you need to be able to cope with disconnection, distress, and uncertainty with grace not aggression.

None of this is about her. It's all about you and your anger management issues. Learn from this. Seek counselling for your anxiety/OCD and anger management as this needs to be sorted before any future relationship.

F fs...It's been ONE month. Get a grip -_-

I have to agree with the other posters. The whole relationship was way too much, too soon. All that going on after one month? Really? You're grown ups, not teens. I understand that you were worried but your behaviour was uncalled for. The poor woman wanted to rest.

 

The begging and declarations of love would have freaked me out if I were in her shoes. I would suggest to leave her alone; the ball is in her court. Have some self respect and pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on as best as you could. You blew it this time, IMO, but who knows? I sincerely hope you learned that such dramatic emotions are unhealthy and should be kept at bay next time in a new relationship. Again, please leave the poor woman alone. If she wishes to contact you, she knows how to do it, but I wouldn't bank on it. (sorry)

All the over the top stuff sounds like they're 14 not 50. Jeez.

Ok If you read the I love you messages were from her not me. Also I do have anxiety and OCD which played a big part but that does not define me as a person who is prone to doing this. .

It defines you as a person.

But it doesn't have to be that way forever.

If you are in your 50s its harder to change -- but you can learn to manage things better.

Please talk to your mental health professional.

This could have gone even farther south if a neighbor saw or heard you banging on her window.

Please let her be. If you contact her it could mean a restraining order.*//////////////////////////////////

How could you be in love in less than a month? You barely knew one another. How could it be a perfect relationship in such a short time?

Your actions were over-the-top and bizarre! Why didn't you leave her alone after she told you she wanted to sleep? Then, you jump to her dying or wanting to break up. Good grief! Everything was about you.

i would have dumped you too. Your behavior was scary. Get a grip! And, leave her alone.

Get some therapy.

Ok If you read the I love you messages were from her not me. Also I do have anxiety and OCD which played a big part but that does not define me as a person who is prone to doing this. I had a panic attack and did some stupid that night.

Other than that one night every thing was great. And who says you cannot fall in love quickly. She told me first. If we were just dating I would not be having a problem breaking up.

OP - you two hardly know each other.

She has no clue that that you are not "prone" to this sort of thing, and frankly, I don't believe that this was just a random occurrence for you. Maybe you haven't banged on a girlfriend's windows before, but I would put money on the fact that you get too attached too soon and struggle with appropriate boundaries. This isn't typical behaviour for someone your age, my friend.

You dated 30 days? You need to step way back before you get arrested for trespassing, stalking, harassing etc or get a restraining order slapped on you. Hopefully you are trolling and didn't really do any of this to someone.

Meet my girlfriend at the beginning of this April. She broke up with me Sunday night 5/5/19

She was feeling a little under the weather, wanted some time to chill, did not communicate with you in exactly the way at the exact second that you expected her to. That's going to happen again—and again and again and again—in the business of life and love. To really connect you need to be able to cope with disconnection, distress, and uncertainty with grace not aggression.

This was so beautifully put. I wholeheartedly agree.

Be kind to yourself, strat35. Try and be at peace. In this instance, the relationship is over. Let that go. The rest is up to you (living your life the way you feel happiest and most fulfilled).

You can't go banging on a ladies window like a stalker, after you have only known her for a month. You are lucky she did not call the police.

On top of that, you are begging - and that's what women hate the most.

Plus, this relationship sounds a little fast. That's not healthy.

I guess you've learned some hard lessons. Hopefully.

In some places you’re lucky you didn’t get shot. But if somebody banged on my windows and then accused me of not being home or being sick that would be the end . People just want to be sick in peace.

All the over the top stuff sounds like they're 14 not 50. Jeez.

Yes, for sure.