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Thread: Scared my new girlfriend into breaking up by banging on her windows.

  1. #1

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    Scared my new girlfriend into breaking up by banging on her windows.

    Meet my girlfriend at the beginning of this April. We are both in our 50's. She broke up with me Sunday night 5/5/19
    Well everything about each other was perfect. We fell in love and always had a great time.
    Here is just a snapshot of the many texts from her. It was even more passionate in person.


    I don’t have words for how you make me feel. My heart melted when I read your last text. I keep thinking to myself - where did he come from?? And why did it take so long to find him?

    I love you. 😘
    I thought about you all day too. Last week was a whirlwind and I couldn’t do it again but I don’t like not seeing you.
    Hope I am not waking you up. Just leaving the play. It was fabulous!! Good night my love.

    💕 I truly don’t even know to respond when you send things like this. I love it, it makes my heart feel full, makes me feel special, loved. I love you ❤️

    Please be patient with me. I will learn. I am just not used to anything like this. I am not used to being treated as someone special, as someone who is loved. I have had to protect myself for so long, I need to learn how to open up with you, and I will. 🥰

    I love you! You make me feel special 💕

    Going to sleep. I am so in love with you. Even more after today! Sweet dreams. 😘🥰

    You are perfect for me! I love When I am around you it is hard for me not to be touching you. Doesn’t have to be sexual, just want to be close to you, touching you.

    🥰 I want your arms around me.

    Just waking up - for the second time. Woke up thinking of you as usual. I wish I could sleep beside you tonight. It would make me feel better just to have your arms around me.

    You make me feel like my life isn’t as crazy as I think/feel it is.
    I have not been with anyone who accepts me and all the crazy stuff in my life like you do. I am having a hard time understanding it. I will, it will just take time. You are wonderful. 😘

    I will try not to. You make me feel special!! Have from the first night I met you.

    I cannot get you off my mind tonight. One night a week sleeping beside you is not enough.

    Getting in bed. Sweet dreams love ❤️ Still wondering where you came from. You are wonderful. ❤️

    I love you ❤️ I need your arms around me.

    Going to bed. So looking forward to Thursday so I can sleep beside you. 😘 I love you Gary❣️ ❤️

    It is crazy the amount of time I spend thinking about you every day.

    One more thing and I will leave you alone (for a while) - I am really excited about us and our future. I miss you. I am still a bit scared by us. You seem so perfect for me. It’s just hard for me to trust it is true. I don’t mean that I don’t trust you, I am just scared of us. Does that make any sense?

    😘 you are on my mind You are so very special to me. I am sorry I am scared. I love who you are and am amazed by you everyday.

    For a very long time I have felt unlovable so it is hard for me to understand your love for me. Thank you for loving me and being patient with me.

    I know you are busy so don’t expect you to answer all my texts. Just need you to know I am excited about us, even though I am a bit scared. More excited than scared.

    I think you are right. Everyone keeps asking if I have found the “but” yet (I like him but...) haven’t found one yet. Anyone else I went out with more than once there was a “but” almost immediately. And we spent a lot of time together this weekend and nothing got in my nerves which is VERY unusual.

    I do have this calmness that is setting in about our relationship. At first I was afraid it was too good to be true. I am feeling like it is a great thing and I can calm down about it. Not that I’m not scared still but the calmness grows each

    Good morning ☀️ I woke up with a smile on my face bc you were the first thing I thought about. Have a great day! 😘

    You are absolutely perfect for me. Just letting you know.

    I am not sure what has happened but over the last two or three days I love you more and more each day. 😘

    Ok we are in love up until the day I ed up.

    So last Thursday she got really sick and went home from work. She didnt answer any texts or calls. So I went to her house uninvited. Knocked on the door no answer.
    Knocked really hard alot. No answer. Panic set in I thought maybe she had a stroke. So I went to her bedroom window and knocked. Nothing . So in my panic I banged on her window a lot and very hard to wake her. I then left and sent this text.

    Susan I came to your house to check on you. There was no one there
    This has ceased being amusing. No matter how sick you are you would not ghost me.
    Seriously I'm freaking out now! Are you dying or breaking up with me? What the .
    I'm not going to sleep until I talk to you. I'll stay up all night but I need to know your okay

    her reply
    Her response
    I am not feeling good enough to talk. I told you that at 8:30. I am trying to sleep bc I have to go to work tomorrow bc of a meeting I have to be at. I will be okay. I just need sleep and meds.

    The next morning from her
    Last night was a little much. I was sick and needed to rest. I was home when you came by but my head was hurting so badly I really couldn't get out of bed. Telling me that I am basically lying about being home is not good. I heard you banging all around my house. Not sure where to go from here. I am having serious doubts about dating right now. I am working and really can't text about this during the day.

    Then I went into explaining ,begging mode not to break up. Left her alone and Sunday night this text.
    Hey Gary. I love the painting. Thank you for the time this weekend. I have thought about it all weekend and I am not able to bring myself to see you. For whatever reason the other day really freaked me out. We just don't have a strong enough base for me to overlook it. I am so sorry. I will drop your key by one day this week.

    More professing my love begging , explaining why I did it.
    From her
    The thing is that I don't know you well enough to know it won't happen again. That is the problem. The painting is beautiful.
    It is just too soon for something like Thursday to happen. Everything I said was the truth. I felt it all. I cannot handle the feeling that I felt the other night when you were here. It really was scary to me. I am so sorry. I don't even know what else to say.

    More begging and the end of my last text on Monday
    Then I sent a very long rambling begging I love you text
    With this sign off
    I'm going to give you space but remember how we are together in person and not that incident. I trust you that you meant it when you said you loved me. And I still believe it. Things happened very fast between us. But I still believe we have a special connection that never happens. It was a romance for real. 🙂


    I apologize for seeming needy and so many texts after the break up. I understand.


    I love you for always .
    Your so beautiful.
    Please don't be afraid of me. I would always protect you and keep you safe.
    I love you Susan
    I have nothing else to say either

    maybe we can talk again in the future.
    All my love
    Gary

    I have not contacted her since to give her space. She has gone silent and unfriended me on FACEBOOK.
    She told me she loved me Thursday the day of the incident. Then it goes from I am the perfect person to being thrown away.
    I want to fight for her and not lose her. She is very important to me.

    Only having this happen in an otherwise great relationship is there any hope of getting her back?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    You sound way overbearing and clingy. It sounds like she finally understood from the way you practically blew out her window when she clearly told you that she needed to rest.

    I'd probably be freaked out, too. Listen to her when she tells you that she needs space.

  3. #3

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    Can I win her back? It was a one time thing. I was not overbearing and clingy at all until she broke up.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    From her messages to you, it sounds like she is very clear in that she does not want to move forward. If she decides she does, she will make that known. Doing anything else on your part is disrespectful of her wishes and, given your window-banging event, probably scary.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    You sound way overbearing and clingy. It sounds like she finally understood from the way you practically blew out her window when she clearly told you that she needed to rest.

    I'd probably be freaked out, too. Listen to her when she tells you that she needs space.
    These were the exact words I was going to say.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by strat35
    Can I win her back? It was a one time thing. I was not overbearing and clingy at all until she broke up.
    you were scary and overbearing. She went home sick from work. Its not like she is terminally ill or left a suicide note.

    Please leave her alone. She has asked for space. DO NOT CONTACT HER. The ball is in her court. she may contact you again - or not.

  8. #7
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    You met this woman a month ago and you're already professing your love for each other?

    This was way too much, way too soon. You showing up and pounding on her windows speaks to an unnerving level of clinginess and an utter lack of boundaries. Why did you assume she had a stroke just because she went home sick and was silent the rest of the day? You go from being worried about her to this snarky comment: "This has ceased being amusing." That would tell me you were less worried about my health and more worried I'm the type of woman who would cheat and deceive you.

    The begging and declarations of love are just way over the top for a woman you barely know who has just dumped you, too. I don't think she will be back. However, if she was also rushing head-first into this, I am not sure it would have lasted anyway. There were several red flags waving even before you scared the crap out of her.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Dude.

    Let's say you and Susan were both my best friends in the world. Know what I'd tell Susan? That she made the right call here—that Gary is a good dude but not the dude for you and not in a good spot these days. Know what I'd tell you? STOP contacting Susan, for good, forever, so you can get to a good spot again.

    I know it hurts, but buddy? You blew a gasket! That stuff never goes over well. And when you show someone that your engine can overheat like that within 4 weeks, and in less than 24 hours without an emoji heart lighting up your phone—well, you're basically letting them know that you're not someone capable of a long, smooth ride.

    I know all those lofty texts felt good at the time, but all that in a month? After more than half a century living and learning? It's a lot. It's, in fact, too much.

    Even in her texts to you—which I admittedly skimmed, because it felt a bit strange—she's repeatedly trying to get you to slow your roll, chill out. Something tells me that you took all that as a sign to speed the roll, reach for more emojis, more big words. And, yeah, she was wooed by all that, because who doesn't like the feeling of someone being all sorts of smitten with them?

    But when that turns to banging on windows—nope, as you've learned. That there is a rainstorm on a campfire. Spark gone. End scene.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't think it's realistic to expect anything from her going forward. I'd only suggest you do some soul searching and try and find the cause to your separation anxiety. Your behaviour is indicative of severe anxiety and something triggered it for you. I'm not very interested in how long you've dated. Even in a long term relationship, this behaviour is not appropriate. You should try to heal from whatever has hurt you in the past or caused this incident. The problem is it's not just the occurrence (once) of this incident. It's the fact that it happened and the magnitude of the anxiety attack/s that you went through that alarmed her.

    Try seeking a counsellor or someone trained in anxiety and panic attacks. This isn't about Susan, really, or the relationship. It's about you. If it's happened, it will happen again. You'll need to learn how to temper that and recognize situations that trigger those kinds of anxious spells and eventually learn to cut them out/avoid them in your life.

  11. #10
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    I have to agree with the other posters. The whole relationship was way too much, too soon. All that going on after one month? Really? You're grown ups, not teens. I understand that you were worried but your behaviour was uncalled for. The poor woman wanted to rest.

    The begging and declarations of love would have freaked me out if I were in her shoes. I would suggest to leave her alone; the ball is in her court. Have some self respect and pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on as best as you could. You blew it this time, IMO, but who knows? I sincerely hope you learned that such dramatic emotions are unhealthy and should be kept at bay next time in a new relationship. Again, please leave the poor woman alone. If she wishes to contact you, she knows how to do it, but I wouldn't bank on it. (sorry)

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