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Thread: Scared my new girlfriend into breaking up by banging on her windows.

  1. #11

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    Ok If you read the I love you messages were from her not me. Also I do have anxiety and OCD which played a big part but that does not define me as a person who is prone to doing this. I had a panic attack and did some stupid that night.
    Other than that one night every thing was great. And who says you cannot fall in love quickly. She told me first. If we were just dating I would not be having a problem breaking up.

  2. #12
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, but I'm not buying this whole incident being out of character for you. If you don't want to repeat this in the future with someone else, I suggest you get honest with yourself about your tendency to move too quickly and get too attached in relationships. Also, it may be a good idea to specifically work on tolerating distress in therapy. It will be a useful skill when you're faced with uncertainty and get tempted to show up at someone's house.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What I read in her messages to you is a lot of anxiety, fear, and trust issues couched between and inside professions of love. And now you're saying you are a sufferer from anxiety and OCD.

    With a little time and some clear eyes, I think you may see that this love between you was the bond of two very anxious people who found, momentarily, respite from that anxiety in each other. Or, put another way, who very quickly became each other's anti-anxiety medication.

    When you didn't get the dose you were used to, you went into withdrawal, started banging on the pharmacy doors. And here you are.

    There are some important lessons here, if you're willing to be humble and listen to them. Therapy, meditation, something that is not another person to soothe you during moments of uncertainty—you need that, to prioritize finding that, carving it out inside yourself in your life.

    She was feeling a little under the weather, wanted some time to chill, did not communicate with you in exactly the way at the exact second that you expected her to. That's going to happen again—and again and again and again—in the business of life and love. To really connect you need to be able to cope with disconnection, distress, and uncertainty with grace not aggression.

  4. #14
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    None of this is about her. It's all about you and your anger management issues. Learn from this. Seek counselling for your anxiety/OCD and anger management as this needs to be sorted before any future relationship.

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  6. #15
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    F fs...It's been ONE month. Get a grip -_-

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    I have to agree with the other posters. The whole relationship was way too much, too soon. All that going on after one month? Really? You're grown ups, not teens. I understand that you were worried but your behaviour was uncalled for. The poor woman wanted to rest.

    The begging and declarations of love would have freaked me out if I were in her shoes. I would suggest to leave her alone; the ball is in her court. Have some self respect and pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on as best as you could. You blew it this time, IMO, but who knows? I sincerely hope you learned that such dramatic emotions are unhealthy and should be kept at bay next time in a new relationship. Again, please leave the poor woman alone. If she wishes to contact you, she knows how to do it, but I wouldn't bank on it. (sorry)
    All the over the top stuff sounds like they're 14 not 50. Jeez.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by strat35
    Ok If you read the I love you messages were from her not me. Also I do have anxiety and OCD which played a big part but that does not define me as a person who is prone to doing this. .
    It defines you as a person.
    But it doesn't have to be that way forever.
    If you are in your 50s its harder to change -- but you can learn to manage things better.
    Please talk to your mental health professional.
    This could have gone even farther south if a neighbor saw or heard you banging on her window.
    Please let her be. If you contact her it could mean a restraining order.*//////////////////////////////////

  9. #18
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    How could you be in love in less than a month? You barely knew one another. How could it be a perfect relationship in such a short time?

    Your actions were over-the-top and bizarre! Why didn't you leave her alone after she told you she wanted to sleep? Then, you jump to her dying or wanting to break up. Good grief! Everything was about you.

    i would have dumped you too. Your behavior was scary. Get a grip! And, leave her alone.

    Get some therapy.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by strat35
    Ok If you read the I love you messages were from her not me. Also I do have anxiety and OCD which played a big part but that does not define me as a person who is prone to doing this. I had a panic attack and did some stupid that night.
    Other than that one night every thing was great. And who says you cannot fall in love quickly. She told me first. If we were just dating I would not be having a problem breaking up.
    OP - you two hardly know each other.

    She has no clue that that you are not "prone" to this sort of thing, and frankly, I don't believe that this was just a random occurrence for you. Maybe you haven't banged on a girlfriend's windows before, but I would put money on the fact that you get too attached too soon and struggle with appropriate boundaries. This isn't typical behaviour for someone your age, my friend.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You dated 30 days? You need to step way back before you get arrested for trespassing, stalking, harassing etc or get a restraining order slapped on you. Hopefully you are trolling and didn't really do any of this to someone.
    Originally Posted by strat35
    Meet my girlfriend at the beginning of this April. She broke up with me Sunday night 5/5/19

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