Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 11 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 104

Thread: Intimacy issues - not his fault

  1. #21
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    507
    Originally Posted by WithLove
    Did you even read my entire post?

    He's doing everything he can. He can't help that his body is like this. I don't want to leave him for this. I just wanted to ask for some insight on the situation. What if anything I can do to, or if there's even a problem here at all.
    I read it completely. You didn't ask that question. You were focused on complaining about yourself. Had you asked, my response would have been:

    "You can support him through this journey by being there for him and listening if he wants to talk. Don't put any pressure on him or force these conversations with him. He sounds like he has a handle on it and doesn't need the additional stress. Working under pressure certainly wouldn't help the situation. Help him relax and just enjoy being with him. Try not to hyper-focus on his wang, which you are definitely doing.. In the end, you don't want him to end up resenting you.

  2. #22
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    507
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I don't think the issue is whether it's just a medical issue. I know of men who wouldn't marry a woman who wasn't fertile or couldn't have a child anymore. For example. And she has no control over it. It depends also what the issue is and when the person knew about it. Certainly a person can leave a person romantically and stay with them in other ways -friends or other support.
    She didn't mention kids, so I didn't mention them either. I don't like to make assumptions.

  3. #23
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    507
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    "like as a sample, but my bf didn't take them " He is not doing everything he can, if he is not even willing to try some pills. . He is not concerned about her needs. I would be pissed.

    Is he doing the B12? Is he doing any exercise? He could do moderate walking.

    It sounds like you are excusing things.


    She didn't ask why he didn't take them. It's not fair to be pissed without knowing his reasoning or considering his feelings. Perhaps they came with some very risky side effects.

    In the very next line, she mentioned he chose another option to TRY..the chair..


    Sorry if he's not trying in the way that you want him to.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Florida
    Age
    29
    Posts
    2,366
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I read it completely. You didn't ask that question. You were focused on complaining about yourself. Had you asked, my response would have been:

    "You can support him through this journey by being there for him and listening if he wants to talk. Don't put any pressure on him or force these conversations with him. He sounds like he has a handle on it and doesn't need the additional stress. Working under pressure certainly wouldn't help the situation. Help him relax and just enjoy being with him. Try not to hyper-focus on his wang, which you are definitely doing.. In the end, you don't want him to end up resenting you.
    Thank you for the insight. The problem is that I have been avoiding putting him under pressure and stressing him out by talking about this, for well over a year. He obviously knows it's a problem because he's actively trying to fix it. But in doing so, I've also been ignoring my own wants and needs, and really, how long does any relationship last by a person ignoring something they know is beneficial and even necessary to their relationship in favor of not hurting the partner's feelings? That's why I'm here now, asking for other opinions. Thank you again for yours.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,223
    Originally Posted by WithLove
    I don't think he's being selfish. He's going to urology appointments every 3 months, getting blood tests, taking his meds faithfully on time. He eats foods that are supposed to help. Perhaps the one thing he could do a little better is exercise more, but can't we all do that? He's going to get B-12 shots and probably vamp up the exercise regimen, and we'll see what happens.

    In the end, it may come down to needing Viagra or a similar drug. But I think he and I both don't want it to come down to that unless it has to.
    Viagra is such a common solution to this problem I am curious as to why you guys haven’t (or won’t) tried it? It’s easily available... you can literally buy it on the black market... (not that you should) and could be a temporary solution while he is trying to find a permanent one.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,925
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by WithLove
    In the end, it may come down to needing Viagra or a similar drug. But I think he and I both don't want it to come down to that unless it has to.
    I can't help but struggle to understand why Viagra or a similar drug is perceived as the last resort and ultimate humiliation. Seems more like a good first step here, or an overdue step to be taken concurrently while the hormonal/diet stuff is worked on. If I had trouble walking because of a ligament issue in my knee, for instance, I wouldn't be ashamed to use a cane or brace to get from point A to B while I treated the ligament in physical therapy. Heck, a stylish cane might even give me a bit of flair I didn't know was there, and could be pulled out from time to time to spice up a stroll even once the ligament healed.

    Maybe if your boyfriend could think about things from that angle, there'd be less shame?

    I know plenty of people, going back to when we were in our 20s, who think of Viagra more like the male equivalent of a sex toy or lube—a little dash of spice to get the train running smoothly rather than treating a "condition." I borrowed a few from a friend once—what fun!—and should the need ever arise to make them a regular part of the repertoire in order to enjoy a rich sex life I'd see no reason to feel humiliated or emasculated. No shame in anything that produces sizzle, is my general motto, and I've found that having sex regularly is a reliable antidote to humiliation.

    Without minimizing the reality of your boyfriend's hormonal imbalance, or the reality of his libido being on the lower end of the spectrum, I can't help but wonder if part of this is psychological. Or, at least, if one of the psychological fallouts of all this treatment is that he now thinks of himself as "faulty" or "suffering from a condition." That in itself is kind of a buzzkill—embarrassment begetting embarrassment, deepening the very cycle you're working on getting out of, and putting a lot of pressure on things. The most virile 16 year old would struggle to get going with all that circling.

    It is hard for me to imagine, reading your first post, that you could be genuinely content in this relationship if something doesn't change. And I bet he could be more content too. The great news here is that you clearly adore this man, he adores you, and you're both on the same page, more or less, in wanting something to change. If a blue or orange pill could change things in 30 minutes—my golly, how sweet would that be?

    Is there a way to bring it up where it's just about fun and friskiness and less about "treatment"? Where this can all move a bit out of the bright lights of a doctor's office and back into the dimmer lights of a bedroom?

  8. 05-09-2019, 03:28 PM

  9. #27
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    507
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I can't help but struggle to understand why Viagra or a similar drug is perceived as the last resort and ultimate humiliation. Seems more like a good first step here, or an overdue step to be taken concurrently while the hormonal/diet stuff is worked on. If I had trouble walking because of a ligament issue in my knee, for instance, I wouldn't be ashamed to use a cane or brace to get from point A to B while I treated the ligament in physical therapy. Heck, a stylish cane might even give me a bit of flair I didn't know was there, and could be pulled out from time to time to spice up a stroll even once the ligament healed.

    Maybe if your boyfriend could think about things from that angle, there'd be less shame?

    I know plenty of people, going back to when we were in our 20s, who think of Viagra more like the male equivalent of a sex toy or lube—a little dash of spice to get the train running smoothly rather than treating a "condition." I borrowed a few from a friend once—what fun!—and should the need ever arise to make them a regular part of the repertoire in order to enjoy a rich sex life I'd see no reason to feel humiliated or emasculated. No shame in anything that produces sizzle, is my general motto, and I've found that having sex regularly is a reliable antidote to humiliation.

    Without minimizing the reality of your boyfriend's hormonal imbalance, or the reality of his libido being on the lower end of the spectrum, I can't help but wonder if part of this is psychological. Or, at least, if one of the psychological fallouts of all this treatment is that he now thinks of himself as "faulty" or "suffering from a condition." That in itself is kind of a buzzkill—embarrassment begetting embarrassment, deepening the very cycle you're working on getting out of, and putting a lot of pressure on things. The most virile 16 year old would struggle to get going with all that circling.

    It is hard for me to imagine, reading your first post, that you could be genuinely content in this relationship if something doesn't change. And I bet he could be more content too. The great news here is that you clearly adore this man, he adores you, and you're both on the same page, more or less, in wanting something to change. If a blue or orange pill could change things in 30 minutes—my golly, how sweet would that be?

    Is there a way to bring it up where it's just about fun and friskiness and less about "treatment"? Where this can all move a bit out of the bright lights of a doctor's office and back into the dimmer lights of a bedroom?
    I agree. Good post.


    Or slip it into his pot roast.. Yumm. What's for dessert?

  10. #28
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,615
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    It sounds like if fingers, tongues, and rubber dongs won't hold you over and only real genuine penis will do, that you should leave him.

    There's more than one way to get off, but you have said that isn't good enough.

    The members of this forum can't fix his penis, although diet and exercise could go a long way to fix it. And I know, diet and exercise is hard....but hey..at least something would be hard..Am I right?



    Penis isn't a necessity. It may be a deal-breaker for you, but plenty of lesbians get along just fine without it.
    no need to be rude. . seriously

  11. #29
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,615
    Gender
    Female
    WL. .you haven't pushed the issue and I understand. It's a delicate balance.
    But it has come to this so maybe it's time you have a talk with him before you go any further wondering if you could live without it and live without him.

    You haven't tried everything and what you both are currently doing isn't working.
    So, it's time wrench it up to the next level.

  12. #30
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Florida
    Age
    29
    Posts
    2,366
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I can't help but struggle to understand why Viagra or a similar drug is perceived as the last resort and ultimate humiliation. Seems more like a good first step here, or an overdue step to be taken concurrently while the hormonal/diet stuff is worked on. If I had trouble walking because of a ligament issue in my knee, for instance, I wouldn't be ashamed to use a cane or brace to get from point A to B while I treated the ligament in physical therapy. Heck, a stylish cane might even give me a bit of flair I didn't know was there, and could be pulled out from time to time to spice up a stroll even once the ligament healed.

    Maybe if your boyfriend could think about things from that angle, there'd be less shame?

    I know plenty of people, going back to when we were in our 20s, who think of Viagra more like the male equivalent of a sex toy or lube—a little dash of spice to get the train running smoothly rather than treating a "condition." I borrowed a few from a friend once—what fun!—and should the need ever arise to make them a regular part of the repertoire in order to enjoy a rich sex life I'd see no reason to feel humiliated or emasculated. No shame in anything that produces sizzle, is my general motto, and I've found that having sex regularly is a reliable antidote to humiliation.

    Without minimizing the reality of your boyfriend's hormonal imbalance, or the reality of his libido being on the lower end of the spectrum, I can't help but wonder if part of this is psychological. Or, at least, if one of the psychological fallouts of all this treatment is that he now thinks of himself as "faulty" or "suffering from a condition." That in itself is kind of a buzzkill—embarrassment begetting embarrassment, deepening the very cycle you're working on getting out of, and putting a lot of pressure on things. The most virile 16 year old would struggle to get going with all that circling.

    It is hard for me to imagine, reading your first post, that you could be genuinely content in this relationship if something doesn't change. And I bet he could be more content too. The great news here is that you clearly adore this man, he adores you, and you're both on the same page, more or less, in wanting something to change. If a blue or orange pill could change things in 30 minutes—my golly, how sweet would that be?

    Is there a way to bring it up where it's just about fun and friskiness and less about "treatment"? Where this can all move a bit out of the bright lights of a doctor's office and back into the dimmer lights of a bedroom?
    I think... because... we both have a stigma to "treatment" and "meds". I've been on them for a lot of my adult life and I hate it. I'm still ashamed of it. And he has gone through all of this to try to improve his health - sexually and otherwise - that if we decide to go the Viagra route, it'll mean we've failed all the other methods we've tried.

    Thank you for this post. I needed to hear it.

Page 3 of 11 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •