He broke my heart twice

Sorry for long post. I guess I need advice. How to move on or how to get him back.

Me and my now ex boyfriend were good friends before we started dating. I was never interested in him before that. I'm still not sure how we went from friends to deep in love. Since we were good friends we became best friends when we fell in love.

After 3 years he broke up with me. That time I had just lost my job and was depressed. Anyways I stayed at our place before moving into my own. And after that we were FWB for a year then he wanted me back when I told him I'm tired to just be his buddy since I loved him. So I basically told him either be with me and be fully with me or I'm out for good.

I was getting over him... and he started begging and crying to get me back. Promised me marriage, kids.

It was good for the first months, better than the old relationship because I had worked on myself.. but then I lost myself again.. and so did he. I got one more year with him before he broke my heart again. Saying this time it's not because of me but he needs to sort his life out and stuff like that. I know he does but I also know he could do that while being with me so that was just an excuse to make me feel better I guess.

Well it's been 3 months now.. I'm not healed, I still shake everyday, feel awful

I have hope he will come back.. my gut tells me that! But I think it will take a long time since he has some deep problems with his mental health, and economy.

But I'm almost 30 soon and I feel I cant wait for him.. but at the same time I cant let go. I want to but I cant. Because I cant stop loving him.

We never had fights and the break up was a "good" one. I never begged him to come back. And he is always the one who initiate contact. About meaningless stuff.. so that doesnt really matter.

Anyways I'm not sure how to move on.. because I still love him. I'm sure he is the one. I'm just not the one for him.

Our problems in our relationship was not communicating. I wanted but he never opened up. He just turned distant and kinda cold when he went into his depressions..

If its failed a few times then im sorry to say it will probably fail again. I might be wrong but i get the impression you 2 dont commuinicate. YOu become unhappy and it ends rather than trying to talk things out.Not a good relationship.

I would not wait around and i would wish him well and block all contact untilyou feel better at the very least.

Edit - sorry just saw your last sentence about communication, yeah call it a day.

He is not the one...you need to find yourself a man who will be your rock when times are hard. Your ex dumped you instead....don't you see that? Take those rose coloured glasses off....he was not there for you! He was a damn coward..he ran instead. You want this done? Go NO CONTACT...block and delete so he can't contact you again. That's why you are just hanging there...you let him keep contacting you...I think you have enough torture right?

Ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want.... someone that runs at the first sign of trouble either with you or with him. You would never be able to trust that he would support you and be there for you through the most difficult times in your life.

No, he is absolutely not the one. He's not the one for you and he's not the one for anyone on earth. He's got a lot of cleaning up to do and organizing in his life. What you're mourning is the loss of hopes and dreams. This person is a pale husk of a man in comparison to what you are actually hoping he will turn out to be. He is not good news to anyone, most of all you.

Stop brainwashing yourself to think that he good for anything. He's good for nothing. I'm being very honest here. So is he with you. Now your task is to be honest with YOURSELF. Continue being self-reliant and learn to separate the man from your hopes and dreams. They are not one and the same. This path has split for you. He is not good for you. Move on.

I know I deserve someone who wont rum away when it gets bad. But truth is, after the first breakup I stopped relaying on him. The problem now was that he is in deep trouble with his life! Very lost. I was pretty happy with my life before the breakup I was slowly starting to live again. But was sad because he didnt live. And he still doesnt what I know. He is a very broken man with so many dreams but have too low self esteem to fix it. When it was good it was really good. I guess one could say he is stuck in his life, he cant move forward because he doesn't know where to start

It is not your job to fish someone out of their personal troubles. The sooner you realize this, the brighter your life will become. Even in a marriage, individuals should be able to coordinate and navigate their personal life(other commitments) independently and govern their actions and thoughts independently of the relationship in order to maintain a peaceful/harmonious shared space and life. Your relationship with this man is dysfunctional. None of the signs and problems you're mentioning point to a healthy relationship.

How many times does he have to break up with you? This has clearly not worked, and there is no future with this guy.

You need to block and delete him. Time to move on with your life. He is clearly not "the one."

Stop dating projects. There is no future, only misery. You already know this.

I know I deserve someone who wont rum away when it gets bad. But truth is, after the first breakup I stopped relaying on him. The problem now was that he is in deep trouble with his life! Very lost. I was pretty happy with my life before the breakup I was slowly starting to live again. But was sad because he didnt live. And he still doesnt what I know. He is a very broken man with so many dreams but have too low self esteem to fix it. When it was good it was really good. I guess one could say he is stuck in his life, he cant move forward because he doesn't know where to start

He may not know what he wants to do with his life but he seems to know well that he doesn't want you in it. So he isn't as lost as you are telling yourself.

Rejection hurts it is very easy to get lost in this narrative that it's not that they didn't want to be with you, it's just that they are so lost and broken, that they just don't know what they want and what's good for them. Drop this narrative. Don't do it to yourself or him. Accept that it's over and was never meant to be.

The sooner you start working on that, the easier it will become for you to move on. Stop telling yourself that he was your one. He wasn't and it doesn't sound like you were all that compatible either. Two people with issues don't make a whole. It's just a story you are telling yourself and not a helpful one for you. It's one thing to give a person a second chance, but not third or forth. This is over and time for you to work on changing your mindset and moving on.

It isn't your role to help him find his way in life after the man has dumped you - twice.

He knows he can't string you along in the hopes that he will feel something he just no longer does. It's hurtful, yes, but he did the right thing ending it if he knows he can't get on the same page with you.

This man isn't the one for you. He already knows this. It will take time for you to accept, so be patient and kind with yourself as you heal.

It isn't your role to help him find his way in life after the man has dumped you - twice.

 

He knows he can't string you along in the hopes that he will feel something he just no longer does. It's hurtful, yes, but he did the right thing ending it if he knows he can't get on the same page with you.

 

This man isn't the one for you. He already knows this. It will take time for you to accept, so be patient and kind with yourself as you heal.

I agree with this.

I’m also curious what you mean by you ‘lost’ yourself? I have a feeling there’s a huge nugget of info there so please expand.

Also curious what you consider ‘working on yourself’ Do you mean you got a job and saw a counselor or Dr. about your depression or did you start feeling better because of the ego boost he gave you by chasing you after turning you into a booty call post breakup.

I’m not asking to be condescending, I’m asking because I think it matters where your head is at with the words you are using. To me it sounds like your relationship devolved into a game of Cat and mouse and once you ran he chased but once he caught you, he was kinda apathetic.

So I really do hope you come back to clarify

Time to stop putting yourself on hold and missing out on some prime dating time on someone who you are basically addicted to. Time for zero contact, cold turkey withdrawl from him so that you can get yourself in the right mind-frame to date and be happy for the attention that good men will give you.

Will it be easy to block and delete him? Yes but its something you have to do because you will never overcome your addiction if you keep allowing him t inject himself into your life through contact when it suits him.

There is a good man out there who is mentally healthy and he's waiting to meet you. Do the work you need to do to accept that your ex is not the man you are meant to spend the rest of your life with so that you'll be open to meet the man who is.

He's not capable of having a sustained healthy relationship. Focus on your own life. Your career, finances, your own physical and mental health. You can't squeeze blood out of a stone. It's not about you, he simply is not ready willing or able to give you what you want.