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Thread: One night stand before official

  1. #1

    One night stand before official

    Hi , my fiancé and I have been together for a year. We originally started talking online (Instagram) while he was overseas in Nepal. We talked and talked for a month and when he got back we went on a date and hit it off straight away.. we were together for 2 months when he told me that while he was away he had a one night stand (while we were talking) I was really hurt at first but forgave him and thought I had moved on.. I had also kissed a guy before we had met in person. We are getting married next month.. and I am reallly struggling with what he did :( we are really in love.. it’s just my mind is going crazy, is it possible to get over this? Am I overthinking it?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Married pretty much within a year? For your entire relationship, you've been struggling with the fact he banged a lady before you and he had even met? There's nothing to "forgive him" for. Only red flag for me would be him feeling so compelled to tell you, though I don't know if it was by your request he provide it.

    A whole lot of "why" here, namely why such a hurry to become a divorce statistic?

  3. #3
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    So he had sex before you met each other and you shared a kiss before you met each other.
    What’s the problem?
    My guess is that you are getting married to someone you barely know and you have cold feet. And looking for a way out.
    He did not wrong you at all.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    You weren’t even dating. Just talking. There’s nothing to forgive.

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  6. #5
    We were basically online dating when it happened... we were talking intimately. I think I’m battling jealousy with his past relationships/encounters

  7. #6
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    You hadn’t even met. You hadn’t even gone on a date.

  8. #7
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    I think you are very much mistaken in thinking that just chatting online is a relationship. It's not anything, you hadn't even met at that point. Jealousy is a normal feeling but you need to let this go.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What everyone else is saying.

    Like j.man, I'm curious how this even came up. Did he bring it up? Or were you asking him—pressing him, maybe—about whether he was seeing anyone during your Instagram chat phase?

    Bottom line here: there is noting to "forgive." He was a single man who had a one night stand. Just like your jog to first base means nothing in terms of how you feel about him, his jog around the bases means nothing about how he feels for you. There's no betrayal here, just a little jab of jealousy and insecurity that, frankly, I'm amazed you're even capable of holding onto as long as you have.

    But if you can't let it go, call off the wedding. Nobody deserves to be in the dog house from day one because of something he did before he knew you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Just like with OLD, whether you're just talking or have actually met, it's wise to assume the other person is free to date or have sex with anyone they want, just as you are, until it gets to the point that two people decide to become exclusive. And even though people are dating others, it's stupid to tell or ask about it, and it's none of the other person's business, and you can see why. It's not fun to know about even though it's perfectly ethical.

    Even though he did nothing wrong, the fact that you're not 100 percent confident in him being a good partner, you should shelve the wedding plans. How often do you get together with him now? What are the reasons you've chosen him as a lifetime partner? Is he financially stable? Does he make you a priority? Does he lack dealbreakers? Does he possess all of your must-haves? Does he share your ethics and life goals? Have you seen how he reacts under stressful circumstances? Does he take care of you when you're sick? Does he come to your aid if your car breaks down?

    Until you give your relationship more time to answer all of these questions, enjoy dating and have a wait and see attitude. A person will begin to show his real self past the honeymoon period. If he is an upstanding person and shows, over a long period of time that he is great relationship material and you still can't let something he didn't do wrong go, maybe you should seek therapy.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I think you are craycray for not giving it more time. You can't count talking online as time spent dating. I truly think you should hold off on marrying this dude. Your gut is screaming at you....you better listen. If it doesn't feel right, then it's not.

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