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Thread: My fiance searches sexual Instagram models while I'm in the shower.

  1. #1

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    My fiance searches sexual Instagram models while I'm in the shower.

    So I guess I don't really know where to start, i have been in a serious relationship with my fiance for over 3 years, we have been engaged for a year. All has been great and we never have any problems or issues until recently. So as most people are on social media we see post, likes etc from our friends, I noticed about 6 months ago he was progressively following those half naked sexual Instagram pages, and constantly liking the photos on them, it really bothered me, I stayed quite for a bit trying to get my own head over my personal insecurities but it was making me so volatile so I spoke to him about it, I got upset and explained that it made me feel inadequate and that I wasnt enough for him if he felt the need to constantly look at other girls.
    He apologised and unfollowed them straight away. I felt bad for feeling like I made him do it but then whenever he was on his phone on instagram I didn't feel paranoid so it helped us.

    He has been quite secretive with his phone over the last few weeks and never really goes on Instagram much when I'm sat with him, or if he does he scrolls a little then comes off. He hasn't followed them again but when I'm not with him hes on it constantly. so I had a weird feeling about it, I didnt say anything and just carried on as normal, I was over at the weekend and in the morning we sit and have breakfast, watch some TV and check some things on our phones, we were both on Instagram and it was all fine, talking about people we mutually follow, then we went to get ready, I showered first and started getting ready, he left his phone on the bed which is a rare thing, I never snoop ever, but I had a gut feeling and I had to check something, I was right... I went on his Instagram and while I was in the shower he had searched several of the sexual half naked girls he use to follow. They were the most recent too so while I was naked in the shower he was looking at other girls.... I am positive he searches them regularly aswell and I now have the same inadequate feeling as before but now have no idea what to do!

    I get stuck in my own head wondering what he might think and if he looks at those photos or those girls and then thinks about them when we are intimate, does he get turned on by them then has sex with me because of them.... I just dont understand why he needs to?

    He always says he loves me the way I am but this makes me question it, I will never have a body like theirs, before anyone thinks no I didnt let myself go in the relationship either, I still make effort with the way I look and still shave my legs etc basically everyday, I'm 5ft 3inch and 62kgs so I'm not overweight, I have curves but they generally seem to be in alright places.

    I just keep getting scared hes going to cheat on me with someone he prefers the look of, and I get paranoid around women hes friends with. I need some perspective on this, am I over reacting or should I be worried?
    Last edited by Cbear01; 05-09-2019 at 05:26 AM. Reason: Addition

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    When are you getting married? Do you live together? Try not to focus this much on social media. Keep in mind a man can look at sexy women wherever he goes and anywhere, any time. No one needs instagram for that. Hopefully you are getting premarital counselling . It will help open the dialogue about boundaries, communication, expectations, etc.

    If you are so insecure that you need to police his social media activity, it's time to reflect on how you can improve that and not make the relationship toxic with jealousy, insecurity and controlling behaviors. If you think he's a cad, ladies man, etc, then just don't marry the guy.
    Originally Posted by Cbear01
    i have been in a serious relationship with my fiance for over 3 years, we have been engaged for a year.

  3. #3

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    We haven't set a date yet and we dont live together correctly due to finances, we both had some work changes and just can not afford rent and Bills currently. I understand guys look at other girls but my issue is how accessible it is on Instagram and how often he is on it. I've only had these insecurities since the first issue when I know hes looking at them, I felt great about our relationship until I knew he was looking, him doing that is what makes me insecure about myself, i want to work on my body and everything else but I'm relatively happy with how I look most of the time.
    I just dont know if hes looking at them when I'm in bed next to him, like he was when I was in the shower, i should be enough though right? Or are guys just greedy?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you both live with your parents? No one can "make you insecure". Therapy, whether alone to address your insecurities, ego, etc or jointly to address communication, boundaries, etc would help to sort all this out. You have some choices. Work on yourself. Reconsider the marriage if you feel he will be unfaithful because he looks at other women.
    Originally Posted by Cbear01
    We haven't set a date yet and we dont live together correctly due to finances
    makes me insecure about myself, i want to work on my body
    i should be enough though right?

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  6. #5

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    Yes we live with parents, well I disagree with that, it has definitely made me insecure when I wasn't before.... are all guys like that though? I get single guys will but when they're in a committed relationship is it normal to actively search other girls?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you feel he is ready for a committed relationship? Do you think he is disrespectful? Do you think he uses the photos to masturbate to, since you live apart and have no privacy? Some questions to ponder. No, a man in a committed relationship should not be on dating sites or looking for opportunities outside of the relationship.

  8. #7

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    I think he wouldn't have proposed to me if he wasnt ready to be in a committed relationship, I never hinted for him to so that was all off his own back! I think its disrespectful towards the relationship for him to be looking at these girls. That's what worries me, as egotistical as this may sound if he needed to masterbate I wouldn't want him doing it at the thought of another girl, he shouldn't need to because we see each other enough for him to not need to.... hes not on dating sites just constantly on different girls instagrams.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Cbear01
    I think he wouldn't have proposed to me if he wasnt ready to be in a committed relationship, I never hinted for him to so that was all off his own back! I think its disrespectful towards the relationship for him to be looking at these girls. That's what worries me, as egotistical as this may sound if he needed to masterbate I wouldn't want him doing it at the thought of another girl, he shouldn't need to because we see each other enough for him to not need to.... hes not on dating sites just constantly on different girls instagrams.
    He is happy to commit. You arenít.
    You were secure in your relationship when you naively thought he didnít look at other women , online or off.
    He hasnít changed , heís been looking at other women and not cheated for 3 years.
    You stumbled on this reality 6 months ago. YOU changed.

    Just end the relationship if you canít commit to it or feel secure in yourself.
    It will die a slow death anyway if you continue to try control him.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Counselling, individually and especially premarital counselling would help sort out these type of issues.
    Originally Posted by Cbear01
    he needed to masterbate I wouldn't want him doing it at the thought of another girl.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Cbear01
    I think he wouldn't have proposed to me if he wasnt ready to be in a committed relationship, I never hinted for him to so that was all off his own back! I think its disrespectful towards the relationship for him to be looking at these girls. That's what worries me, as egotistical as this may sound if he needed to masterbate I wouldn't want him doing it at the thought of another girl, he shouldn't need to because we see each other enough for him to not need to.... hes not on dating sites just constantly on different girls instagrams.
    Sorry, But I'm going to break it to you. Women are going to look at other guys and fantasize. Guys are going to look at other women and fantasize. You invaded his privacy because you were paranoid. You don't trust him.

    It doesn't matter what he's looking at or fantasizing during sex if he's giving you his attention and affection.

    I'd speak differently if he were trying to contact and hook up with these girls or making inappropriate comments on the pictures etc, but as of right now that doesn't seem to be the case.


    If this is really a dealbreaker for you, then you should step back from the relationship because you are not ready. Work on your insecurities and your boundaries.

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