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Thread: My fiance searches sexual Instagram models while I'm in the shower.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'm curious to know how old you both are, and what kind relationship experience you've each had before getting involved with each other.

  2. #12
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    Once again, yet another thread depicting how social media is destroying what was once a loving, trusting relationship.

    If you are interested OP, yesterday I posted about a documentary I watched hosted by Diane Sawyer (ABC News) about this very thing.

    And how social media has become literally an addiction in our society today.

    One man interviewed spoke about his wife of 18 years doing same as your bf, with approx 1800 followers on Instagram, and how her IG activity is adversely affecting their marriage.

    I agree with Wisemsn, it's about boundaries. Both yours and his. Pre-marital counseling might help.

    At issue here is not about what's "right" or "wrong" it's that your respective boundaries don't match.

    For the record, this would not sit well with me either, my bf/fiancÚ going out of his way (while you're in the shower?) searching sexual photos of other women on SM, I also would find it disrespectful, and quite different from simply noticing attractive women whom he encounters in real life.

    But my idea of what a committed relationship entails is apparently a bit different from some others on this forum.

    Not judging, no wrong or right, what's important is that you and your partner are on the same page w/r/t boundaries and what you each consider apprproprate/not appropriate within the context of a committed relationship.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-09-2019 at 10:49 AM.

  3. #13
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    I also wanted to add that lest anyone deem me insecure for my views, my bf is a professional photographer and often shoots photos of beautiful women..

    For guess what? Their social media profiles! Lol.

    Anyway, I don't feel insecure or threatened by that at all, why?

    Because it's done in a professional context.

    Searching sexual pics of other women on SM when you're in the shower or another room, is not being done in a professional context so it's quite different.

    Also want to add that whatever my bf wants to do in the privacy of his own home when we are not spending time together, is his business.

    I wouldn't even know as I don't believe in snooping.

    But Op, doing it while spending time with you? And sneaking some peeks while you are in the shower??

    That is what I would find disrespectful, and just creepy, would not sit well with me so I totally understand how you feel.

  4. #14
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    I'm going to go out on a limb here... but are you sure you are satisfying him sexually, as in often enough and asking him what he enjoys? If not, I would suggest join counselling. Then again, he may never admit this even if he feels unsatisfied - you need to talk.

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  6. #15
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    Everybody is blaming you for insecurity and telling how you are addicted to social media which is destroying your relashionship. I agree with the last one but a boyfriend photographing models in a professional way is different from a boyfriend searching for a particular naked model while you're in the shower.
    What would I do in this case?
    Would'nt worry about that, he is with you because of a reason. And secondly I would turn this into smth funny. Just try to search for sexy actors/models and let him know. Why cant you have the right to look at guy models? Then you will see his reaction. Maybe this will remind him of what he is doing. You can return this in a competition but I mean in a funny way. So, dont be the one bothering for his girls, but make him get worried about why you're watching smoky hot guys.
    Also do some sporting activities. They will distract, and improve your posture/body curves/make u m healthier and he will regret watching those girls.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by score123
    Everybody is blaming you for insecurity and telling how you are addicted to social media which is destroying your relashionship. I agree with the last one but a boyfriend photographing models in a professional way is different from a boyfriend searching for a particular naked model while you're in the shower.
    What would I do in this case?
    Would'nt worry about that, he is with you because of a reason. And secondly I would turn this into smth funny. Just try to search for sexy actors/models and let him know. Why cant you have the right to look at guy models? Then you will see his reaction. Maybe this will remind him of what he is doing. You can return this in a competition but I mean in a funny way. So, dont be the one bothering for his girls, but make him get worried about why you're watching smoky hot guys.
    Also do some sporting activities. They will distract, and improve your posture/body curves/make u m healthier and he will regret watching those girls.


    You don't teach someone how to treat you by doing the same thing they are doing. This is just playing childish games.

    OP. Ignore this post.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by score123

    Everybody is blaming you for insecurity and telling how you are addicted to social media which is destroying your relashionship.

    I agree with the last one but a boyfriend photographing models in a professional way is different from a boyfriend searching for a particular naked model while you're in the shower.
    ^^Which was exactly my point! And why I would have an issue with it.

    That and searching sexual pics while spending time with me.

    If you must, do it on your own time, not while with me and waiting till I'm in the shower, geez.

    I think you may have mis-read my post(s) score, I'm not blaming OP at all, and totally understand how the OP feels and said so in my posts.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    You don't teach someone how to treat you by doing the same thing they are doing. This is just playing childish games.

    OP. Ignore this post.
    Since guys will look at girls and fantasise and vice versa why can't she do so too??

    And another question can you teach someone by saying to ignore others beleifs/thoughts/opinions??

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by score123
    Since guys will look at girls and fantasise and vice versa why can't she do so too??

    And another question can you teach someone by saying to ignore others beleifs/thoughts/opinions??
    She can... if she wants to. But to do it just to go t!t-for-tat with her partner and "make him worried?" In other words, purposely make him feel bad? How would anyone benefit from that?

    *edit - wording

  11. #20
    It sounds like this could be a real issue for your fiance from what you have just explained. You are right to be upset and you are not over reacting. This is something that will follow you into marriage and will likely get worse. Addiction to pornography is as real as a drug or alcohol addiction. I would seek out help from a counselor but I'd suggest putting any marriage plans on hold until he is willing to deal with this problem. Counseling can be a great way to learn to set boundaries in your relationships and will help you to feel more in control. You don't have to deal with this alone. My thoughts are with you!

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