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Thread: Confused

  1. #1

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    May 2019
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    Confused

    Girlfriend and her EX, they have a daughter together. She say that they are through and there is no feelings there. It's been 3 years now and i feel that she will go out of her way to be around him,and use her daughter to do just that.
    He will not pick up or drop their daughter off at the house, they always meet a various locations. Why.
    Last night her daughter said that " mom we can meet dad at the mall after he gets off work ". I've been told that she has been seen by friend, doing just that. I work and live part time several hours away so it is possible.

    My question is, is it ok for her to meet with the EX and hangout ?

    Also. Is it weird that she would agree to meet him, instead of him dropping their daughter at the door?

  2. #2
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    I would say it all depends if she is hiding it from you or not.

    I can see a reason to be cordial during the meet ups. You do not want to have your child to go through some things like confrontation between parents. You want to at least present a happy environment for the child when you do see each other. Doing things FOR the child is important for me and important enough to put differences aside and interact like both are happy.

    However, doing things for their child in this manner is fine, but if she is hiding it from you that she is going to drop their child off and meeting with him, i would have a problem with it. There is no need to hide that fact if you are understanding about it. If you have a problem with her trying to get her dad to be in their childs life then you have a problem. I am guessing that you do not have a problem with it though. Also what they agree on as for the child you really have no say in it. You can't fix it, even if she complains or bad mouth the dad for whatever reason, when it comes to their child, you can't fix it, if she complains to you then you listen and maybe give her suggestions but can't get emotionally involved in such matters. So if the agreement is for her to drop her off and pick her up from where ever then that is their choice. If you have a problem with that then suggest maybe you each take turns, but do not be offended if they don't do it that way. Also maybe the other dude is not comfortable going by your house to pick up a child and seeing your face.... i don't know, many factors to consider imo

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I can only suggest you speak with your girlfriend and stop speculating about her whereabouts and intentions. Have you ever tried communicating with her about this or asking her what her thoughts are?

    At this time you sound like you're talking about a rare mammal, caught sighted, by your friend whose ongoings and behaviours are mysterious and covert, narrated by David Attenborough. Be open about your communications and clear. You are allowed to voice what you are and are not comfortable with. Figure out whether this is a relationship you would rather be in. That decision is yours.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She can co-parent in whatever manner her and her daughter's father see fit and what she deems is in the best interest of her child. It's very common for parents to arrange a neutral setting (rather than homes) to share custody. The real issue is your semi long distance relationship and not understanding co parenting or that her child has to come first.
    Originally Posted by Ray1917
    He will not pick up or drop their daughter off at the house, they always meet a various locations. Why.
    Last night her daughter said that " mom we can meet dad at the mall after he gets off work ".

  5.  

  6. #5
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's possible she wants her daughter to enjoy the company of both her parents together, and if it works for her daughter then she's going to stick with it. IMO it's better to date someone that has a friendly relationship with their ex rather a cold or hostile one. I think this benefits the child greatly because she isn't just being dumped off at each parent's house....she gets the benefit of quality time with her parents. I think if things get more serious with you two and he finds someone serious, eventually you all will be spending time together as a unit...I think that would be a nice arrangement. It teaches that little girl, that people can coexist/co-parent in a positive way even after divorce.


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